Page 2 | DSS pulling out of looking Ddog last minute

xpectingtoomuch · 2025-03-13T09:50:02+00:00

DH and I are due to go away this weekend, everything is booked and it's for a special event. We asked DSS if he would mind looking after Ddog (our family dog, a dog he was very much part of the decision when she joined our family) it's the night before and DSS hadn't arrived as planned, due to course work. AIBU to not understand why he can't come as planned, do his work here? I'm now anxious at leaving tomorrow in case he doesn't bother coming to look after Ddog. I just can't understand the logic, apparently he'll come down tomorrow afternoon once we've gone. But it's just not sitting right with me....

thinktwice36 · 13/03/2025 10:44

Are you usually this over anxious? You’re going away tomorrow but require the dog sitter to be there a day before?! I say this as a dog mum - relax a bit.

and why do you need a ring doorbell before you can relax about a very shirt trip away?

why on earth wouldn’t you agree to your adult stepson having his girlfriend over whilst he looks after your dog?

Ophy83 · 13/03/2025 10:46

If he's planning on having his GF over then at least that means he'll be there- and your dog will have 2 people for company

DaisyChain505 · 13/03/2025 10:46

Go to your local curry’s and buy yourself a ring door bell and install it today. It’s very straight forward.

Tell your step son that his girlfriend can come. Why have you not allowed this? Hes not a 14 year old having a girl in the house for the first time and if you trust him enough with your dog and expected him to spend the whole weekend at yours, the least you can do is let him bring his girlfriend.

Get your husband to message his son confirming what time he’ll be arriving and to let him know his girlfriend is welcome and also to tell him pizza money will be left on the table. He’s doing you a favour, just sweeten the deal and be done with it.

dammit88 · 13/03/2025 10:47

You are being ridiculous on many grounds.

First you say he was involved in the decision making to get the dog - he must have been a child! This does not commit him to a life of looking after it, its YOUR dog.

Secondly and far more importantly, he has said he is still coming to look after the dog! There is no issue here.

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 10:48

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:43

He's 17 nearly 18 and she is 17. We've not met her yet. So I'm comfortable with a stranger in my house. The deal was she could stay, if we met her. Offered options, all declined. Now this.

What damage do you think a 17 year old girl is going to do? You sound very uptight. You’ve asked a favour. He gets to set terms, not you. He’s either in halls or living with his mum I guess? And he is coming over for an extra weekend to watch the dog. So… let him be in the girlfriend.
He is 17. They’re a bit selfish, they don’t always think and they don’t do well when put under pressure. You need to give leeway. The ultimatum to meet her on your terms would make a 17 year old feel backed into a corner. Just let this one go and be more relaxed about things. He’ll open up more and introduce you to his girlfriend.

For the dog weekend, just let her stay.

FiveTreeHill · 13/03/2025 10:48

If your DSS is old enough to stay home and look after your dog, he's old enough to have his GF to stay

Tell him he can have his GF stay. Buy a ring doorbell and stop panicking. Or alternatively ring around kennels. You can't cancel your trip because your DSS didn't come down the day before

BeaAndBen · 13/03/2025 10:49

You are being unreasonable - he hasn’t let you down because he doesn’t need to be there until you actually go away.

You are being a bit of a wet lettuce about your dog. Every dog “has never been to a kennel” before it goes the first time to a kennel. That’s how “first times” work. They are professionals who look after dogs perfectly well while people go on holiday.

If you won’t let your dog go to a kennel then you have to accept DSS’s last minute attendance.

RedSkyDelights · 13/03/2025 10:49

I don't see the problem. He's said he will come tomorrow to look after the dog. He doesn't need to be there tonight (and I can understand why he would find it easier to do his coursework in his own surroundings).
If you don't trust him to turn up, why did you trust him with looking after the dog in the first place? If he had turned up tonight, would you trust he wouldn't go away again?

DaisyChain505 · 13/03/2025 10:52

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:43

He's 17 nearly 18 and she is 17. We've not met her yet. So I'm comfortable with a stranger in my house. The deal was she could stay, if we met her. Offered options, all declined. Now this.

By saying this you’re sending the message to your stepson that you don’t trust him or his judgement yet you want him to do you favours looking after your dog.

No wonder he doesn’t want to.

Gardenyear · 13/03/2025 10:54

You'll know the young man better than I, but if this was DS I'd be confident he'd be there when needed.

Whist he hasn't stuck with the plan, he didn't "need" to be there last night, so in his head it doesn't matter that he changed plans, but DS would be there when it mattered.

diddl · 13/03/2025 10:54

She's never been to a kennel and I would be comfortable with her in that environment.

She'd probably have a great time!

Honestly if you don't trust your ss/don't want his gf there, get your dog booked in somewhere!

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 13/03/2025 10:58

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:43

He's 17 nearly 18 and she is 17. We've not met her yet. So I'm comfortable with a stranger in my house. The deal was she could stay, if we met her. Offered options, all declined. Now this.

I'm not surprised he isn't falling over himself to help you.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 13/03/2025 10:59

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:43

He's 17 nearly 18 and she is 17. We've not met her yet. So I'm comfortable with a stranger in my house. The deal was she could stay, if we met her. Offered options, all declined. Now this.

In which case it’s time to sweeten the deal.

Sapienza · 13/03/2025 10:59

You have a 'Ddog'.

But you don't have anyone who will care for your dog. Your DSS hasn't done anything wrong, but you don't trust him. You don't want to use a kennel.

Stay home. What other choice do you expect ?

(Your DSS would be well-advised to stay well away from the situation.)

MumWifeOther · 13/03/2025 10:59

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:37

It's more the I'm sick of being let down at the last minute with him.
He constantly says he'll come, then something happens last minute. I think his plan is to have his GF here for the weekend, which we haven't agreed to so is avoiding us.

Well then let him have his gf stay? It’s a compromise isn’t it. Otherwise a dog walker can come and check in with the dog.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/03/2025 11:02

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:37

It's more the I'm sick of being let down at the last minute with him.
He constantly says he'll come, then something happens last minute. I think his plan is to have his GF here for the weekend, which we haven't agreed to so is avoiding us.

Like you I'd prefer to have met anyone who'd be staying in my home beforehand, but I'd be more bothered by his habit of letting you down at the last minute - this time for the dog's sake - and would revisit whatever favours you're currently doing for DSS

Rather than kennels can you get online to find a local pet sitter, many of whom will be available at this time of year? Admittedly I've used her many times, but my own often gets emergency requests and tells me they can usually sort something out

Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2025 11:02

OP you know your SS better than anyone commenting here so knowing him as you do do you think he would just not turn up and leave DDOG alone?
If thats the case then I wouldn't be able to go in your shoes until he arrived.
Nothing else matters at this point

Tiswa · 13/03/2025 11:03

He is 17 and presumably getting ready for A levels - yiu made him sound as if he was at least 20!

newsateleven · 13/03/2025 11:05

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:34

She's never been to a kennel and I would be comfortable with her in that environment.
I didn't get the doorbell as I started looking and DH took over, saying he had more time and wanted to get the right one.
Ddog gets the same D as not so darling husband or darling step son at this point.
This is the first time we've left him in the house alone for a full weekend, so I am a bit nervous to be honest.

It's a five minute job to pick a doorbell, click and collect it from Argos or somewhere today. If it's not the "right" one return it when you get back, but they're all basically the same.

I wouldn't go away without one these days, I'd be far too worried about leaving my house.

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 11:06

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/03/2025 11:02

Like you I'd prefer to have met anyone who'd be staying in my home beforehand, but I'd be more bothered by his habit of letting you down at the last minute - this time for the dog's sake - and would revisit whatever favours you're currently doing for DSS

Rather than kennels can you get online to find a local pet sitter, many of whom will be available at this time of year? Admittedly I've used her many times, but my own often gets emergency requests and tells me they can usually sort something out

Show quote history

His habit of letting her down? He’s 17! Jesus. They say they’ll be home for dinner and then their mates suggest going to the cinema or out whatever. That’s what they do! They’re not kids anymore, they’ve got independence and usually a bit of their own money for the first time in their lives, it’s what they’re going to do. They aren’t letting anyone down. They’re being teenagers, whose brains haven’t formed and who don’t yet have fully formed empathy or anything yet.
If you can’t be easy going and give leeway at this age, whilst maintaining important boundaries and teaching them the important of honouring promises (without being overbearing and argumentative with ultimatums) then you’ll have a difficult relationship later on.

LaPalmaLlama · 13/03/2025 11:06

who does SS live with? His DM? If so and your DH is on ok terms with her I would message her and ask her to make sure he comes. I mean, however much I hated my ex, there is no way I'd allow a situation where his dog was left alone for the weekend and I think that's true of most people. However, I also think the SS is unlikely to flake for the same reason. He probably just wants to get the work done so he can chill over the weekend and enjoy having a house to himself.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/03/2025 11:06

If you don't trust him to turn up, why did you trust him with looking after the dog in the first place?

It's a fair question, @RedSkyDelights, and going on OP's description of often being let down I personally wouldn't have done

Which is why I suggested a dog sitter rather than kennels or cancelling the holiday ...

Original poster

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:07

This might seem like a total over reaction but I'm just sick of him taking the piss. He just wants a party house for the weekend.
Yes maybe i'm overreacting. But it's just years of this constantly, and I'm tired of it.
We've stocked the fridge, left money for food and he still can't be bothered to come and see us like he'd planned.

OP posts:

scotstars · 13/03/2025 11:08

Well the drip feed about the gf being refused certainly gives more context as to why he doesn't want to come. I would assume he's coming tomorrow after you leave with the gf. Maybe relax a little he's an adult you trust enough to stay and look after the dog lots of coursework is due in around now so he sounds sensible to be concentrating on that rather than arriving a day early to look after a dog

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 13/03/2025 11:09

He's only 17 though. So it's years of him being a child/young teen. Sounds like you've been expecting a lot in the past, given his age.

It's not easy having two homes either, especially if you don't feel comfortable in one, it doesn't sound like you have a very comfortable relationship.