DSS pulling out of looking Ddog last minute

[xpectingtoomuch]

DH and I are due to go away this weekend, everything is booked and it's for a special event.
We asked DSS if he would mind looking after Ddog (our family dog, a dog he was very much part of the decision when she joined our family) it's the night before and DSS hadn't arrived as planned, due to course work. AIBU to not understand why he can't come as planned, do his work here? I'm now anxious at leaving tomorrow in case he doesn't bother coming to look after Ddog. I just can't understand the logic, apparently he'll come down tomorrow afternoon once we've gone. But it's just not sitting right with me....

Because dogs trump all other relationships on Mumsnet, unlike in real life.

If you want a ring doorbell, why haven't you bought one? Surely it's more effort to repeatedly ask your husband to get one 'all month' than it is to log into Amazon and buy one?

Take some responsibility for your life.

He hasn't pulled out! Why assume he won't come?

Why not let his girlfriend stay? Presume he is moderately adult if you are asking him to watch his dog, so why isn't she welcome? A little compromise may help you.

Get out and buy a ring doorbell from Argos before you go if it makes you feel better.

I'm sure the stepson will turn up- I cat sit for a family member and wouldn't dream of going over the night before.

There are bespoke house sitters, but even these can be sketchy...a friend paid for one who spent a night away from their house leaving dog alone to bark and howl {her neighbours heard}

My friend does bespoke dog sitting {expensive} in his own house, and when he had a hospital appointment, he asked that I came over to keep the dog he was looking after company for a few hours until he got back.

He has form.
Why are you tolerating it from his father and him.
What do you do for him?
Stop it completely.
Do you contribute financially to his upkeep?
Stop it.

He has messed you about for the long time.
Sdnd your useless husbsnd off.
Tell your SS stay away and have a weekend of peace.

I wouldn't dream of tolerating this messing about from my children.

Oh and your useless husband has deliberately messed about with the video door bell.
People will treat you as poorly as you allow.

If OP had organised with a friend to look after the dog, and the friend had got in touch the night before to say she couldn't come over as planned as she was super busy, but would definitely be there the next day to look after the dog, would you also assume the friend didn't give a shit?

And if you were the friend, and OP said that was not good enough as not what they agreed, would you think that was ok, or that the OP was being overly controlling?

Sorry if I missed this but to clarify.... Has anyone actually picked up the phone and asked him where he is? It's not 1970 any more.

Do you mean the stepson or the dog?
Assuming the stepson will be staying with the dog, or taking the dog to his house?

Dogs really need someone with them the entire time if their routine is different - I no way would leave my dog alone while someone just popped in to feed and walk her - she would be very lonely at night.

This is why dogs are a massive tie and expensive, they cannot just be 'left' with someone popping in just to feed and walk them.

It's in the OP ... he's said he's busy with coursework but will come tomorrow, which is when the dog actually needs looking after.

I’m Surrey too. Am going to go and be nosey on Get Surrey etc and find out if it was anyone I know!

Ahhh sorry so it is. I don't really know what the fuss is about then? If she genuinely doesn't think he's going to turn up then more fool her for relying on somebody to take care of a pet who she can't trust. If he says he's coming and she has no reason to doubt it then crack on. Absolute worst case scenario they can come home if they think the dog is suffering. How do people get by in life making such a drama out of none issues?!

Our family dog, a dog he was very much part of the decision when she joined our family

As the adults in the family it was your decision and the dog is 100% your responsibility.

What do you expect to garner from meeting the gf for a couple of hours to prove adequately she meets the bar for being able to be in your home while you are away?

You know, like many 17 year olds who make poor decisions through selfishness or inexperience, he is unreliable and that has been proven in the past. You also don't trust him.

So why have you made the decision, when he hasn't shown he is maturing and taking responsibility yet, to give him free access to your empty house and leaving your dog in what potentially could be a party house?

I thought you meant an adult son not a teenager op, tbh yes I think you are expecting too much especially as you've updated he's let you down numerous times over the last few years ( he's a child how exactly is he letting you down? )
You should have hedged your bets and paid for a dog sitter instead.
He obviously knows how you feel about him so I'm not surprised he's not jumping through hoops for you.

The OP has answered that though.
DH took over on the ground ‘he had more time and wanted to buy the right one’ (read I don’t trust you imo).

Why would the OP have to remind him when he took the responsibility himself?
And why should the OP doubt him?

May I offer some advice going forward? Please research, visit (without appointment) and then gradually acclimatise DDog to a good boarding kennels (we do it by taking the dog for a visit to meet staff after we've chosen the kennels; booking dog in for a few hours of daycare (dog doesn't mix with other dogs) 2 or three times; dog does an overnight; dog does a weekend. Dog is then ready for longer stays.

In between our longer holidays, we book dog in for short visits as described earlier, to keep up her relationships with staff and understanding that we always come back!

I advise everyone who has a dog - even if they believe family will care for dog whenever they go away - to get their dog used to kennels. Because - you never know when an emergency will arise when said family member cannot care for the dog.

I wouldn't go away either. He sounds unreliable even if he turns up. My dog is precious to me and I wouldn't want to risk anything happening to her.

You might want to read OP's post at 10:37, which is largely what started the comments about "Why ask him in the first place if you know he has form for letting you down?"

I can see the rest of it, though the poverty of expectations ("it's just what teenager do") is as depressing as ever, but it's the above which beats the hell out of me

The ''D'' thing and an alphabet of acronyms that can be so easily misunderstood is only ever seen on mumsnet.

It's ridiculous- especially as so many acronyms have different meanings.

Just write Stepsister or Stepson or Social Services rather than ''SS''

I’m the first to admit I’m overreacting. I’m tired, cranky and need a weekend away. I do have a good relationship with DSS, but he like most teens is selfish. When we go away normally we get house sitters (organised by me), this time as it’s short DH said he’d sort it out with DSS. Yes of course I can get a door bell but I don’t want to have to. I wanted something to go to plan for once.
I wanted to see DSS tonight and know he was in the house, not leave in the morning not knowing when he’ll arrive.
I’m probably hard work because I’m exhausted and just need a break.

having been in this situation trust your gut! DH asked his best friend to come and dog sit for a weekend. 2 nights 3 days when we went to visit my mum at Vicar school and we got home late on Sunday and I’ll never ever forget what we walked into. All the food I’d measured out was sat exactly where I left it, His water bowl was dry as a bone and there was a lake of wee and 3 poos by the back door. He ‘forgot’ he was meant to come and dog sit and so our dog had been alone from Friday night to Sunday evening. I got in the car and drove Round to that man’s house I don’t know how fast. I banged on the door (with the dog might I add) and screamed at him. I made him pay me for an emergency vet appointment to check the dog hadn’t gone into kidney failure and I told him if I ever saw him again I’d kill him.

I think it's you who needs to re-read the post.

Honestly I wouldn't rely on him going forward, especially as he's let you down before.

I know it's too late on this occassion but in future I would consider using Rover to find a dog sitter. Obviously it's a huge thing to trust a stranger in your home, but you can meet them beforehand, and of course book someone who has a good review history.

@xpectingtoomuch I don't think you are expecting too much. He agreed to come that evening. Then didn't. You can't go away without him arriving. What if he flakes on that too? Leave the dog in the house all weekend, alone?

But it is the husband that is at fault. Not the OP. And even less so the DSS. He's 17. 17 year olds ARE flaky. His father is the one that should drive over, get him, and bring him back. He can do his coursework at his fathers house.

Make a plan. Stick to it. How hard is it?

I'd be telling DH to read the riot act and insisting on DSS being at the house before you leave tomorrow. Is there any way your break could be made dog friendly so pup can come with you if he doesn't show?

I had a teenage son {now grown} and also two dogs at that time- son had one, and I had one}

Son from age 15 used to look after them if I went away for the occasional weekend, and once I got home unexpectedly early, and it was clear that he had had his friends over {no mess, just snacks and tins in the bin and girl's earrings on the table next to the sofa}

I didn't mind, despite being initially a bit surprised... of course he will want his girlfriend over, is this why you want the ring doorbell to spy on him bringing a girl or friend round?

Teenagers generally behave very well if trusted.