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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS pulling out of looking Ddog last minute

200 replies

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 09:50

DH and I are due to go away this weekend, everything is booked and it's for a special event.
We asked DSS if he would mind looking after Ddog (our family dog, a dog he was very much part of the decision when she joined our family) it's the night before and DSS hadn't arrived as planned, due to course work. AIBU to not understand why he can't come as planned, do his work here? I'm now anxious at leaving tomorrow in case he doesn't bother coming to look after Ddog. I just can't understand the logic, apparently he'll come down tomorrow afternoon once we've gone. But it's just not sitting right with me....

OP posts:
BadSkiingMum · 13/03/2025 11:09

I think if he’s under 18 and in the lead up to A-Levels (or an equivalent qualification) then his coursework should surely be the highest priority here. Most people do concentrate best in a familiar workspace so he probably wants to push on and get it done at home.

No one has done anything wrong, but let him focus on his coursework and make other arrangements for your dog.

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 11:11

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:07

This might seem like a total over reaction but I'm just sick of him taking the piss. He just wants a party house for the weekend.
Yes maybe i'm overreacting. But it's just years of this constantly, and I'm tired of it.
We've stocked the fridge, left money for food and he still can't be bothered to come and see us like he'd planned.

When I was that age, we called it an “empty.” Always loved getting an empty for the weekend! Because… we were 17! Shock horror

If you believed he was going to throw a home destroying party then you wouldn’t have asked him in the first place. So, you obviously trust him enough to watch the dog and take care of the house, even if he does have a few friends round. If you don’t trust him then don’t ask, sort something else out. If you do, then loosen the controlling hold you have and tell him he can bring his girlfriend and the place is stocked with food.

CloudPop · 13/03/2025 11:15

Comparisonisthethiefofjoy11 · 13/03/2025 10:28

Why don't you just write dog? Why Ddog 😅

God yes, why why why

TheSquareMile · 13/03/2025 11:15

It sounds as though there are two scenarios in play, one is about your long-term disappointment re your son and the other is about a very practical need to have your dog cared for over the weekend. You've conflated the two together.

Rather than let this spoil what should be a nice weekend, I would make enquiries with local kennels this morning so that there is somewhere nice for the dog to stay; she will be fine at the kennels!

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:15

If he’s old enough to spend the weekend looking after your dog then he’s old enough to have his girlfriend over without you meeting her first 🙄

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with hjm
turning up tomorrow after you leave either - that’s exactly what a professional dog sitter would do.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:17

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:07

This might seem like a total over reaction but I'm just sick of him taking the piss. He just wants a party house for the weekend.
Yes maybe i'm overreacting. But it's just years of this constantly, and I'm tired of it.
We've stocked the fridge, left money for food and he still can't be bothered to come and see us like he'd planned.

Either you trust him or you don’t, you can’t have it both ways.

diddl · 13/03/2025 11:17

Does he not get on with either of you then?

Not interested in seeing his dad?

Honestly if he's going to be there hen what's the problem?

When we were away our in his twenties son moved back in to look after the cat.

Of course we stocked the fridge & left him money.

It's a massive favour!

DaisyChain505 · 13/03/2025 11:18

So has he actually cancelled or is he just coming a day later than planned as he wanted to stay where he was and get some course work done?

longapple · 13/03/2025 11:19

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:07

This might seem like a total over reaction but I'm just sick of him taking the piss. He just wants a party house for the weekend.
Yes maybe i'm overreacting. But it's just years of this constantly, and I'm tired of it.
We've stocked the fridge, left money for food and he still can't be bothered to come and see us like he'd planned.

How is him coming a day earlier going to stop him having it as a party house all weekend when you're not there if he wants to? or were you planning on locking him in? 😂 you're being ridiculous, you either trust him or you don't.

Original poster
xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:19

I've actually got no idea.
It's 9pm here, we are due to leave in the morning and at this stage I'm not going.
Just over it all to be honest.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2025 11:20

TheSquareMile · 13/03/2025 11:15

It sounds as though there are two scenarios in play, one is about your long-term disappointment re your son and the other is about a very practical need to have your dog cared for over the weekend. You've conflated the two together.

Rather than let this spoil what should be a nice weekend, I would make enquiries with local kennels this morning so that there is somewhere nice for the dog to stay; she will be fine at the kennels!

There is no way I would put my DDOG in kennels with no chance for a trial visit and him never going into kennels before. I would cancel a holiday above that
If necessary get onto FB or similar OP, there are groups where you can ask properly insured and DBS pet sitters to help you last minute if necessary.

Tiswa · 13/03/2025 11:20

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 11:11

When I was that age, we called it an “empty.” Always loved getting an empty for the weekend! Because… we were 17! Shock horror

If you believed he was going to throw a home destroying party then you wouldn’t have asked him in the first place. So, you obviously trust him enough to watch the dog and take care of the house, even if he does have a few friends round. If you don’t trust him then don’t ask, sort something else out. If you do, then loosen the controlling hold you have and tell him he can bring his girlfriend and the place is stocked with food.

Show quote history

Yep he is 17!
I live in very middle class Surrey and the police broke up a massive house party at the weekend that went social media viral!

having his girlfriend around and just her seems perfectly acceptable for looking after the dog

or she gets pit in kennel or a professional dog sitter home

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:21

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:19

I've actually got no idea.
It's 9pm here, we are due to leave in the morning and at this stage I'm not going.
Just over it all to be honest.

If you don’t trust him, why did you ask him to dog sit in the first place? It makes no sense.

KierEagan · 13/03/2025 11:21

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:19

I've actually got no idea.
It's 9pm here, we are due to leave in the morning and at this stage I'm not going.
Just over it all to be honest.

That's your choice but just FYI your DH is going to very reasonably think you were looking for an excuse to cancel and blame DSS.

BeaAndBen · 13/03/2025 11:22

Ahhhhhhh.

OK, so you don’t like him, don’t trust him, view him as unreliable, won’t let his girlfriend stay because you haven’t met her and you don’t want him having a party in your house.

BUT you expect him to spend the weekend in your house to keep your dog company so she won’t have to go to a kennel and also cost you money.

Either he’s sufficient to be in the house unsupervised or he’s not fit to look after your dog. Can’t have both.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:22

Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2025 11:20

There is no way I would put my DDOG in kennels with no chance for a trial visit and him never going into kennels before. I would cancel a holiday above that
If necessary get onto FB or similar OP, there are groups where you can ask properly insured and DBS pet sitters to help you last minute if necessary.

Show quote history

She won’t get a professional sitter tomorrow when it’s already 9pm her time. She is unlikely to get a place in kennels either.

TheAmusedQuail · 13/03/2025 11:23

I would also refuse to go. I'd tell my husband that unless DSS shows up before leaving time, I'm not going.

And then let husband either sort it, go alone, or stay at home with you.

Not your son. Not for you to sort out. Husband needs to parent up.

diddl · 13/03/2025 11:23

She won’t get a professional sitter tomorrow when it’s already 9pm her time. She is unlikely to get a place in kennels either.

It's almost like she's sabotaged the weekend away isn't it?

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 11:24

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:19

I've actually got no idea.
It's 9pm here, we are due to leave in the morning and at this stage I'm not going.
Just over it all to be honest.

Why bother to post if you’re going to ignore everything everyone says and just keeps repeating “I’m over it.” Doesn’t sound like he is the only one with some growing up to do.

MeridianB · 13/03/2025 11:26

Clearly the teenager doesn't give a shit and cannot be relied on. Your 'D'H has done nothing to avoid or resolve the problem and is equally to blame.

So if it's an important event for you then go and leave H at home. If you're not bothered then definitely cancel.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:26

diddl · 13/03/2025 11:23

She won’t get a professional sitter tomorrow when it’s already 9pm her time. She is unlikely to get a place in kennels either.

It's almost like she's sabotaged the weekend away isn't it?

Yep, that’s how it reads to me. It all reads as some weird test that the DSS has failed because of some weird boundary.

Floppyelf · 13/03/2025 11:27

DaisyChain505 · 13/03/2025 10:52

By saying this you’re sending the message to your stepson that you don’t trust him or his judgement yet you want him to do you favours looking after your dog.

No wonder he doesn’t want to.

Show quote history

This! @DaisyChain505 is 100% right. Seeing how dramatic you are on a anonymous forum I bet you @xpectingtoomuch is downright unbearable in real life.

BassesAreBest · 13/03/2025 11:28

Clearly the teenager doesn't give a shit and cannot be relied on

Because he needed to finish off some coursework? He’s not needed to look after the dog at the moment, and has said he will be there tomorrow.

Floppyelf · 13/03/2025 11:28

KierEagan · 13/03/2025 11:21

That's your choice but just FYI your DH is going to very reasonably think you were looking for an excuse to cancel and blame DSS.

Show quote history

But she is being exactly that. We see right through you @xpectingtoomuch

Floppyelf · 13/03/2025 11:29

I hope his Father puts more effort and care into his son’s studies (coursework) than the OP’s unreasonable dance.