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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS pulling out of looking Ddog last minute

200 replies

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 09:50

DH and I are due to go away this weekend, everything is booked and it's for a special event.
We asked DSS if he would mind looking after Ddog (our family dog, a dog he was very much part of the decision when she joined our family) it's the night before and DSS hadn't arrived as planned, due to course work. AIBU to not understand why he can't come as planned, do his work here? I'm now anxious at leaving tomorrow in case he doesn't bother coming to look after Ddog. I just can't understand the logic, apparently he'll come down tomorrow afternoon once we've gone. But it's just not sitting right with me....

OP posts:
Vkad · 13/03/2025 11:29

I think the mistake you have made here is that he’s a child. Your op doesn’t make that clear. You cannot rely on him and you knew this - he’s 17 has coursework and/or a desire for a house party (at which your dog would most likely not be very safe at all).

I would definitely not go. The arrangements were not robust enough. I know it’s frustrating, but an unreliable 17yo is not suitable dog care.

itsnotagameshow · 13/03/2025 11:30

The step son is 17, not 7. He promised to do something and the OP took him at his word. Now he is showing signs of being flakey and not doing what he said he would do. This affects a dog, who may be at risk of being left alone all weekend as a result. I would hardly say that staying at home with food etc laid on for a weekend is unduly onerous for a 17 year old - after all, the MN consensus is that the SM's home is the SC's too. But of course this involves a step parent, so they are the devil incarnate and automatically unreasonable in making any requests of their SS 🙄

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 13/03/2025 11:30

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:07

This might seem like a total over reaction but I'm just sick of him taking the piss. He just wants a party house for the weekend.
Yes maybe i'm overreacting. But it's just years of this constantly, and I'm tired of it.
We've stocked the fridge, left money for food and he still can't be bothered to come and see us like he'd planned.

You provided food instead of expecting him to pay for the privilege of dogsitting? You're a true angel.

MissUltraViolet · 13/03/2025 11:30

You have gone from not wanting him to bring his girlfriend/allow her in the house to saying he just wants a party house for the weekend.

If you think he’s going to have a party then why did you ask him in the first place? and if you do think that then what relevance is the girlfriend? Doesn’t sound like she’d be the issue at all.

Not many 17 year olds will willingly not see their boyfriend/girlfriend all weekend (and any other friends on top of that) and just stay sat indoors. I wouldn’t even be able to get my 12 year old to do that!

Run out in the morning and get a ring doorbell (drill and 5 minutes to put up) so you can keep an eye on the house and tell him that he’s welcome to have his girlfriend visit to sweeten the deal. Hide any expensive jewellery and any wads of cash you have.

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 13/03/2025 11:31

The teenager has done nothing wrong. Not sure why his father needs to 'parent up' when he's dependent upon a 17 year old for a favour.
@EmeraldShamrock000 how has he let them down? He said he would arrive later and that isn't good enough for some reason I don't understand.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/03/2025 11:31

What a disaster.

What made you think that you could trust him to do this, he is completely unreliable, he has let you down multiple times.

Hindsight is wonderful, letting you down this was nearly guaranteed.

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:34

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/03/2025 11:31

What a disaster.

What made you think that you could trust him to do this, he is completely unreliable, he has let you down multiple times.

Hindsight is wonderful, letting you down this was nearly guaranteed.

It’s almost like it was done on purpose…

TheQuietestSpace · 13/03/2025 11:34

Gosh, you're hard work. Your poor DH who's had a weekend ruined about this and your poor SS - I'd love his view on his relationship with you. I expect that you have form for ruining things and then blaming SS.

Go, or don't go, but you need to reflect on yourself.

BansheeOfTheSouth · 13/03/2025 11:35

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:19

I've actually got no idea.
It's 9pm here, we are due to leave in the morning and at this stage I'm not going.
Just over it all to be honest.

Why can't you take the dog with you? Most hotels allow dogs for additional charges. If yours doesn't, find one that does.

FWIW I wouldn't trust someone I'd told they couldn't have someone I didn't know in my house after they suddenly changed plans to arrive after I'd left either. It's your house not his.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 13/03/2025 11:37

I don't suppose you live in South Devon, as I'll have ddog for you.

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 11:37

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/03/2025 11:31

What a disaster.

What made you think that you could trust him to do this, he is completely unreliable, he has let you down multiple times.

Hindsight is wonderful, letting you down this was nearly guaranteed.

How has he let them down? He isn’t going to leave a dog to starve. He doesn’t need to be there for another 12 hours at least.

ChasingBlueMoons · 13/03/2025 11:37

BansheeOfTheSouth · 13/03/2025 11:35

Why can't you take the dog with you? Most hotels allow dogs for additional charges. If yours doesn't, find one that does.

FWIW I wouldn't trust someone I'd told they couldn't have someone I didn't know in my house after they suddenly changed plans to arrive after I'd left either. It's your house not his.

Show quote history

If he’s 17 and doesn’t live full time with his mother then you would expect this house to be his home too. If he does live full time with his mother… the op’s posts would give an indication of possible reason why!

friendlycat · 13/03/2025 11:38

biscuitsandbooks · 13/03/2025 11:21

If you don’t trust him, why did you ask him to dog sit in the first place? It makes no sense.

Show quote history

You either trust him or you don’t. I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to have his girlfriend stay over.

Now you’re saying he wants the house for a party.

If you feel so uncomfortable about it all why ask him to house sit in the first place? What does your DH think?

LilacPeer · 13/03/2025 11:41

Bluenotgreen · 13/03/2025 10:41

What’s wrong with DDog? I always say that. He’s my favourite family member most days tbh.

Anyway, so you are saying DSS has form for flaking. In which case he shouldn’t have been an option.

Get DH to ask him what time he’s arriving tomorrow.

I think just because DH is an abbreviation for Darling Husband to save time when writing but DDog is longer, so a bit pointless.

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 11:42

OP, is your house his home? He should have two homes; his dad’s and his mum’s. But it sounds like you don’t see your house as his home.
When you have teens, you always have people in your house who you don’t know. They bring friends round all the time, and often they end up staying over. It’s their home.

Sounds like you don’t allow your house to be his home, and that explains a lot about the way he treats you. There is normal teen behaviour, and then there is disinterested human behaviour. He sounds like it’s teen behaviour as well as total disinterest in you because he isn’t treated like he has a home there.

Inmydreams88 · 13/03/2025 11:42

I know not the point of this thread but it takes longer to type Ddog rather than just plain old “dog” why do mumsnetters insist on D everything.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/03/2025 11:44

How has he let them down? He isn’t going to leave a dog to starve. He doesn’t need to be there for another 12 hours at least.
That is if he turns up in 12 hours, he has let them down last minute on other occasions, he has been unreliable.
I am not blaming DSS, OP made the mistake by relying on him when he isn't reliable.
I wouldn't trust my flaky 16 to look after our dog or anyone who wasn't 💯 reliable.
OP should have made alternative plans.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 13/03/2025 11:48

The OP hasn't said he's "let them down" before. She said he says he's coming over and then doesn't, which is not surprising as the house doesn't sound like a comfortable and inviting place for him.

MissUltraViolet · 13/03/2025 11:49

Even if he had turned up when he said, there was/is absolutely nothing stopping him inviting his girlfriend over once you’ve left anyway.

Either he doesn’t want you to meet her yet or she doesn’t want to meet you all yet, she’ll be coming though hence why he doesn’t want to arrive until you’ve left unless there’s more to this and he just doesn’t want to see you or his dad?

He has been a bit dumb by making it obvious, I’d have made her wait in a nearby cafe or park or something until coast was clear.

PinkyFlamingo · 13/03/2025 11:50

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/03/2025 11:31

What a disaster.

What made you think that you could trust him to do this, he is completely unreliable, he has let you down multiple times.

Hindsight is wonderful, letting you down this was nearly guaranteed.

He said he's coming the next day what's wrong with that?

Grammarnut · 13/03/2025 11:52

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:22

There is no one else that can watch Ddog, I've been asking DH all month to get a ring doorbell before we go. But he hasn't.
I now don't want to go because I'll be too worried about Ddog 😢

Why can't you get a ring doorbell? And I wouldn't be going away if Ddog was not certain to be cared for. DH needs to ring DS and fetch him if necessary and explain in words of one syllable why you turn up to do what you agreed to do, as well.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 13/03/2025 11:54

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:19

I've actually got no idea.
It's 9pm here, we are due to leave in the morning and at this stage I'm not going.
Just over it all to be honest.

A.k.a. cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Grammarnut · 13/03/2025 11:56

BeaAndBen · 13/03/2025 11:22

Ahhhhhhh.

OK, so you don’t like him, don’t trust him, view him as unreliable, won’t let his girlfriend stay because you haven’t met her and you don’t want him having a party in your house.

BUT you expect him to spend the weekend in your house to keep your dog company so she won’t have to go to a kennel and also cost you money.

Either he’s sufficient to be in the house unsupervised or he’s not fit to look after your dog. Can’t have both.

Doesn't sound good. OP needs a professional dog-sitter who can be relied on. I would not leave my Ddog in the care of someone who might hold a wild party, bring unknown friends etc to my house. Ddog might get lost, hurt, stolen, killed. Not likely.

Miaowzabella · 13/03/2025 11:59

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 11:07

This might seem like a total over reaction but I'm just sick of him taking the piss. He just wants a party house for the weekend.
Yes maybe i'm overreacting. But it's just years of this constantly, and I'm tired of it.
We've stocked the fridge, left money for food and he still can't be bothered to come and see us like he'd planned.

He would rather spend the evening with his girlfriend than with you or your dog. Most young men would, it's hardly hold-the-front-page news. And you cannot expect your dog to have the priority in other people's lives that it obviously has in yours.

MeridianB · 13/03/2025 11:59

He didn't arrive as planned. Says he'll come after they go. It's not what they agreed. Clearly he doesn't give a shit.

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