Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

[Skedaddledaway]

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

• Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
• incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
• reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
• listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

What languages do you speak as your mother tongue? If you only speak one language then I don’t see how a rusty second language is going to help tbh. What about a babysitter who speaks another language? What will be spoken at childcare and school?

This isn't a thing.

Obviously yanbu to read some French to your child, but yabu to give the silly hv's opinion any headspace.

You say you have a lot on your plate - this is really not worth you worrying about. Plenty of time to introduce languages - there's arguments for starting at age 4 or even 11.

Oh Good Grief. Unless you speak french at home you are better to avoid.

HV are to be ignored.

We speak different languages but not in a home context (English is our mother tongue). Both kids have a flair for languages but that's come from being at school and going on holiday and doing things like Duolingo.

Speak English unless you are committed to a wholly immersive second language lifestyle at home.

There are posts from multi lingual households that say the same with references to written journals on languages on the gifted and talented board.

Definitely not, and bizarre if so.

Really depends on where you live

This is madness. Obviously it’s fantastic when children have the opportunity to be bilingual or even trilingual but that’s when one or both of the parents are non-native English speakers so they are just speaking in their mother tongue and the child picks it up in a completely organic way - which is exactly what you’re doing for your child!

Singing a few nursery rhymes and turning her doll into francophone mode might help her to learn the odd word/phrase but it’s not going to make her bilingual, sorry OP.

What did the HV actually say?

I’m fluent in another language but not bilingual and when kids were younger I tried to speak to them in that language, although it was all a bit forced. I did read some bed time stories. Kids didn’t really appreciate it!

Fast forward 15/20 years and one child is doing an A level in said language. He recently asked why I hadn’t continued/made more of an effort as life would be so much easier… 😵‍💫😵‍💫

It's best to speak your mother tongue to your child, not a language you are rusty at so the hv was unreasonable.
Listening to French audiobooks and nursery rhymes, and when she's older, watching French cartoons are all good things you can do though. She won't learn French but she'll be exposed to the different sounds while her brain is young enough to absorb it, which will help when she learns French in school.

My DS used to watch cartoons in Swedish and one of the Sami languages often when he was a toddler and while he obviously didn't learn anything I hope the sounds he heard will help with learning Swedish later on.

What on earth did she say? Bizarre, obviously most children in the UK are raised in this country are monolingual.

Nothing U about exposing your child to a second language if you like, but surely you are aware that it is not obligatory. My DH is a non-native but fluent French speaker and he speaks French to our kids and reads to them in French. They are not as proficient in speaking French as in English but they understand French very well. So it can be done with relatively little effort.

Of course learning a second language is a good thing, but so are lots of things, and you can’t do them all. If you don’t have time or interest in doing this, then don’t.

I started to learn a second language when my eldest was 3/4 and he HATED it when I spoke it to him. He really put his foot down about it!

Are you sure she was actually "shaming" you and not just making a passing comment without giving much thought to it or expecting you to take it so seriously that you experienced a huge dose of mum guilt or re-evaluate your whole parenting approach?

Sometimes, people are just speaking (even from their own experience) and it's not about 'shaming' anyone at all...

Is English your first language? Do you live in an English speaking country? If so, why on earth does a 12 month old child need to be exposed to a second language?

How did she shame you?

How did she know you could speak French?

Assuming you are in the U.K. and English will be the language the child needs for nursery and school etc this is bonkers. Also none of the HV’s business and WAY overstepping to comment.

Rusty is perhaps unfair to myself. I am fluent but I learned French as a second language and haven't used it for a long time so it feels unnatural to use with DD.

Depending where you live there are also French/English bilingual nurseries you could look into if you want them to be exposed to French.

So she shamed you for not teaching rusty French which isn't your first language? 🤔

I mean it’s very beneficial and something I’d suggest to anyone that can do it but seems a strange thing to judge.

HV said I was "letting DD down" because babies can take in up to 5 languages at this age

She also said (to DD) "don't worry your mummy will send you to nursery soon" ...

You shouldn't try to teach your child a language that feels unnatural to use, it's well known that children develop language best when their parents speak their mother tongue to them rather than second or third languages and proper development of language is crucial.
A bilingual/foreign language nursery however would be fantastic, if such a thing is available, and languages from other sources.

This is the kind of nonsense that HV come up with that makes me think the whole profession is useless. Speak to your child in the language you speak and read to them lots. Develop their language skills. When the time is right you can introduce a second language but it’s not as if you’re bilingual or have multiple languages in the house - speaking some rusty French is just going to be confusing.

I wonder if she’s also telling those parents who are raising their children with other languages to speak English as well, given they live in the UK. Nothing unreasonable about wanting children to speak other languages but completely random of HV to bring it up.

What did she actually say?