Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

[Skedaddledaway]

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

• Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
• incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
• reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
• listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

I started at birth and then stopped. I think that's pretty clear, no? I wasn't consistent, didn't follow through. You can't just go to a few baby groups and then stop, it has to be prioritised, and I was feeling guilty for not prioritising it. Hence why I want to start exposing DD to french properly.

Do speak to her in your rusty French. Don't worry about English she will pick that up anyway. Speaking more than one language has so many advantages and offers some dementia protection. I am a childminder in Newham and 90% of the children I have speak 2 plus languages.

Don’t worry about it - I speak 3 languages fluently (one I learned from birth as we lived in that country, second was English which I learned at 5 when we moved to England and is now my
’native tongue’ and one I learned as an adult living & working in that country), but to my children I only spoke English with occasional words / phrases from my other languages thrown in. My eldest son is 13 and excelling at 3 modern foreign languages at a very selective school, and my younger son is 11 (year 6) and so far is only learning French but is already reasonably good at it. So their lack of long term exposure to other languages when they were babies / toddlers / young children (other than on holiday or hearing grandparents speak) has had no effect on their ability in languages whatsoever! If I were you I would ignore the HV, you’re probably doing a great job, and she couldn’t find anything to complain about so made something up!

I disagree, telling someone they’re letting someone else down absolutely infers she should be ashamed she’s not made the effort.

this is right up there with the garbage from HVs I got when mine were small. “You’ll want to stop breastfeeding her now she’s 9 months old”
”you’d better get her into a nice front facing car seat soon now she’s nearly a year”

smile and ignore

Ignore the HV & forget it.

Tell the HV to go fxxx themselves. It's none of her business whatsoever. In fact, I'd probably report her.

This is my borough. I think that's why it was brought up by the HV. Where I live I think it's quite unusual to be brought up in a monolingual household.

This is a wind up? I’m at a loss for words.
if this is true I’d seriously ignore her advice.

I really feel that the actual conversation and your interpretation of it are poles apart. I just don’t see how a HV would see you as somehow failing at parenting because you hadn’t opted to raise a baby in a bi or multilingual household when your yourself are English, irrespective of living in a multicultural area.

Are you sure that this wasn’t a casual conversation and a throwaway comment that you have completely misinterpreted @Skedaddledaway?

Call up the main office and tell them you would like to see another HV. If they ask why, tell them it's because she has been rude to you on multiple occasions. You have every right to do this.

I’d have said I plan to Home School and looked her straight in the eye whilst doing so.

How dare she Mum shame you.

meddling HV - ignore

This is poor advice i’m afraid.

A lot of children who came from dual language households require speech therapy, and obviously there are a lot that just soak up both languages like a sponge. I believe it only works if it comes completely naturally from the parents.

If YOU want your daughter to learn French then go
for it, if you’re only teaching her because of something the HV said then don’t bother. It isn’t essential that babies/children speak a second language especially if that Language isn’t the parents first language and spoken often with family etc.

Do you have a source for this, because I am almost certain it is not accurate.

I would love my child to be bilingual and the vast majority of the kids in the nursery speak another language at home.

I researched whether it would be possible to achieve this. I am sadly not bilingual.

Options were

1. find bilingual nursery. Sadly none around here.
2. get au pair or similar regular carer/teacher to work with them.
3. sign up for a foreign language class/group. The only ones I could find were for, eg, Spanish but only for already Spanish speaking kids who live in England. Not beginners.
4. go and live in the country.

All the research I read said not to attempt it yourself unless you were fluent in the language. Even if you are it can be hard. I know a Dutch guy whose kids understand Dutch but refuse to speak it to him.

Why?

I know a Dutch guy whose kids understand Dutch but refuse to speak it to him.

Thats extremely common and very hard to fight against.
English being the dominant language and the one children use at school it often becomes the only language children want to speak.
A non British cousin of mine came to live in the U.K. as a child. Clearly completely fluent his mother tongue. Arrived as a 6yo, by the time he was 9yo, he was refusing to speak anything but English to his (non British) parents.

That’s not what research says.
Instead it shows that the % of children needing SALT is the same whether the child is bilingual or monolingual as the issues found in one language is found in the other language(s)
which is between 10 and 15% of the chikdren

I'm a single mama too, so totally understand the idea of not wanting to add extra work !
First of all , F your health visitor.

I was raised bi- lingual by my French mama. I grew up in London and eventually moved to France and Spain.

It's v important to me that my son speaks French and Spanish.
However, I do lack some of the discipline that my mama had with us... She's a retired languages teacher, so was v pedantic about how we spoke, wrote and read in all languages.

Even though I'm a native speaker, I will definitely send my son to formal language classes too. I don't have the patience or time to sit down with him for hours doing comprehensive like my mama did with us...
Definitely look into.this for your child. It will take alot of the pressure off from you!

At home, my son has the benefit of speaking with myself, family and friends in French or Spanish.
No TV - yet lol!
But lots of music , books, games etc.

My mama always dragged us to events at the Institut français as we lived nearby.
Find out what francophone events are available in your area. It's a great way for you and your child to make friends and soak up.some French culture.

Wow, HVs do push their own agenda don't they! I often had disapproval from HVs for speaking my 2nd language (also French) to my children!

I'm a non-native French speaker also, over 9 years in to bringing up my children bilingually. I tell you what, I couldn't have done it as a single parent (although these days it would be easier, as DH speaks no French and the children prefer to copy him!)

If you want to introduce some French stories etc, do so, but don't expect it to lead to bilingualism. I've spoken to mine every day in French from birth, but realistically I am a minor input linguistically when they have their dad, the home language being mostly English, English school and nursery, so I'm grateful mine understand fluently, and can say some words. Honestly that's been hard won.

You are being an amazing mum whichever language you do it in.

We are multilingual family, so for us came it natural. My 3 year old speaks my language and English fluently, at the moment he is just behind with my husband's language as I can not help much and my husband is working most of the time, so he has less exposure to that. But this is because those are our native languages. You have plenty of time to teach a 1 year old a different language, try with songs, stories and then then follow up. And don't worry too much. That is one nasty HV must say!

My HV did the following:

1. Told us our child should learn Mandarin. My DH officially has Cantonese as his Mother tongue but really hasn't spoken it since about the age of ten. We did teach our child a little Cantonese but they are far from bilingual 😂
2. I asked at what age our child should use chopsticks. She suggested 9 months. I asked my MIL... About 2 and a half. 😂
3. Dropped said child on floor...

I've heard of kids being encouraged to have the languages of both parents spoken at home but never a suggestion that you just find a second language to teach them! I'd be grateful if kids understood English grammar and spelling to a higher level! And focus on being able to read with a decent vocabulary in that.

Having said that... Playing games in French is quite fun!

Thank you for this! I would love to find a francophone community near us. I often hear people with young children speaking french so it must exist. It would be great for me too!

I don't think I stand a chance a raising a bilingual child. I just don't have the resources, energy or family set up. Let's face it, it takes a LOT of work, patience and consistency. That said, it would be nice to support DD in learning some french. I still have many connections to France, friends, her godparents etc. If she isn't learning it in school (I think they've switched to Spanish) it is important to me that she is able to communicate with these people.

Ive just started with some Hello French bilingual books. It has a QR code to listen to a native speaker reading as an option (although I can't turn the pages fast enough to keep up!!). DD actually kept bringing me the same book and giggling whenever I spoke in French which makes me think she can hear the difference. It was a really nice moment. Do you have any recommendations for children's books or resources that you found helpful?