Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

[Skedaddledaway]

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

• Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
• incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
• reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
• listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

"HV are to be ignored."

No they aren't. But what they say is often misinterpreted. Either accidentally or maliciously.

I would put money on a HV not saying that the OP should be speaking a language she hardly knows to her child and "shaming" her for not doing so.

Wtaf am I reading?
I'm struggling to believe this actually happened. I think you might have misunderstood, OP? Nobody is teaching their 1 year old multiple languages unless they speak multiple at home already.

I feel like I've wandered into an episode of Amandaland...

I think I'm still asleep and imagining I'm reading this peak Mumsnet nonsense thread.

Those saying it's not a thing definitely don't live in areas such as where I live where it's common to be fluent in at least the two main languages and also a good understanding of English . They will be at a huge disadvantage when they get to school if they dont.
It's also easier when little than learning later.

Just get her to learn the two or three words for each thing eg where I live a dog would be called "dog" "gos" "perro"

She will mix the languages up when talking but it doesn't matter, it all comes together.

Watch kids programs in both languages

The advice to raise a DC bilingual would be to speak to your DC in French all the time and let them pick up English at nursery/school. That would obviously be silly in your circumstances. Although the HV visits lots of bilingual DC, it sounds like she doesn't know what she is talking about. I would raise this, not just to complain but so this can be addressed with HV so that she isn't sharing the wrong advice with other parents.

As someone in a professional position she should not have made those comments and I would complain if you are strong enough.

Well it happened.

This was the same lady who said this:
"are you still breastfeeding?"
Yes
"Good, keep breastfeeding"
"Dont use a bottle anymore, use a free flow cup"
Okay, no problem. Didnt use a bottle as breastfed.
" She can have full fat cows milk. You can heat it up and give it to her in a bottle"
Ay up.? 🤦

Make a complaint

This is not a thing

It's very wrong indeed not to speak one's mother tongue/language you speak best to your child. The grammatical structures and vocabulary used by parents are a child's main language model and the stronger the input, the stronger the output.

It isn't a thing and the HV didn't try to shame her.

The HV sounds like an idiot, I wouldn't be seeing them again. Most kids in the UK only speak one language, it's really not a big deal. But if you want to teach her some French start my singing some nursery rhymes to get her hearing the sounds and counting things in French. I think your ideas are good.

Also can't believe the HV said you'd be sending her to nursery soon as though that would be better for her than being with you! She sounds like she hasn't got clue.

If this is actually what she said I'd be putting a complaint in. The only time I would think its a problem is if your not teaching your child the language of the country you actually live in. If you can teach languages when their young it is amazing they're like little sponges i know a trilingual 3 year old and its pretty impressive but that is because mum is from 1 country dad is from another and they live together in a third so it's more natural then kind of knowing a bit of a language

She sounds like an absolute cow. Nursery is not inherently better but HV are obsessed with getting kids into the system asap. Honestly I think with some of what they see they just don't trust parents, which is understandable, but that is her problem and you shouldn't let it colour how you see your parenting. There are many great HVs and some bloody abysmal ones.

This.

She's wildly misinformed.

Speaking your home language is really important, because they will pick up English at school anyway.

@CurlewKate ridiculous post. There are shit people in every profession and I have dealt with some HVs who should not have been in their role.

Are you actually teaching her the language of the country your living in?

Agreed

either this op is making shit up
or
She does need support in RL for issues

Sounds like mine! The opening shot for DC1’s one year review was “You’re not pregnant again ALREADY, are you?”. (I was not.) Other gems: when I explained we were having terrible trouble with weaning and had tried all her suggestions but he still wouldn’t eat anything I cooked - “Well, you’ll just have to MAKE him eat.” (Turned out he had ASD and probably ARFID.)

In terms of French, I’m in a similar situation to you and only an ignorant person who knows very little about learning languages would tell you you’re denying your daughter an opportunity. It doesn’t feel natural and you’ll teach her any bad grammar habits you have. I read books to DC1 in French and sang songs a bit. Less with DC2. I think it’s more about exposing their ears to different sounds at this age. I would only give it the headspace if you want to, though!

I must be the only person on Mumsnet who has had a few HV appointments where they weighed my child and said we're doing great. No weird or outdated "advice". All very boring!

My 3 year old grandson enjoys counting in French etc but it's really just like a game to him and he's being brought up in a house with no TV/iPads etc and parents who have all the time in the world to work with him.
You're obviously doing your very best and the guilt that's being laid on you is just unacceptable. I'm not at all sure what health visitors are any more and maybe they don't really know themselves.When my children were young it was about ensuring that they'd met minimum standards of development.That didn't always make sense either as I remember my really intelligent Nd 18 month old son being asked to make a car with 3 bricks and just staring at her.
This exercise was repeated over a few months until he did it because he needed to meet this target before she'd go away.
Relax and enjoy your child.

Me too

So much on mumsnet though seems to only happen on mumsnet

This is so incredibly batshit. I hope you told her so.