Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

[Skedaddledaway]

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

• Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
• incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
• reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
• listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

I'd learn to say "fuck off" in numerous different languages and really show off your red/quadlingual abilities to that HV.

I think OP is looking for comments like @LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife has just made and comments about multi cultural areas in general

🍿

I had the opposite happen to me - health care authorities told me that my 3 year old child was "backwards" and "will not be ready for school" as we were trying to make them bilingual (one parent is ESOL). We freaked out and abandoned the second language, speaking to them exclusively in English. They now don't speak the parent's other language, which is a shame.

Sounds like something else that never happened tbh

You don’t have to see them
you sure as hell don’t have to listen to their batshit ideas
and unless your HV happens to also be a Professor of Linguistics in Early Years Education, id put this firmly in the ignorant and crazy bucket
I’d also conduct my entire next HV meeting in French as it’s so important for DDs development, but I’m petty like that

If you have the ability to expose your child to more than one language then it is a shame it isn't done. I wonder why foreign languages aren't taught from reception as little ones are like sponges. They pick things up so quickly. My children had a Spanish TA and my son especially picked up a lot and when he took it at GCSE level he got a 9. He travels a lot for work and pleasure and it's been a great extra that he can speak to locals as he picks up languages so easily.

How does she know you’re bilingual- are you bilingual??

We would always advise that parents use the language they know best at home, unless they are fully fluent.

*not a HV

If the HV really did say what you claim, it warrants a complaint.

When DS1 was born the Chair of the HV Association was published in "The Times" as saying "the role of the health visitor is to teach ignorant mothers the three C's: Cooking, Cleaning and Communication. My HV had already proven herself incapable of sentient communication. I never saw them again because I didn't feel they had anything helpful to offer.

The one helpful nugget was that I was so incensed by the patronising approach that I read my baby the Iliad and the Odyssey and nurtured an interest in the tales. He brought me home a First in Classics from Oxford.

Sadly too many HVs chat sh1t.

Absolutely. The HV who told me 'feeding formula was the same as feeding mcdonalds, OK occasionally but not every day' made me feel like the worst mum ever, especially as it wasn't my choice, my first needed specialist formula for medical reasons.
I wouldn't say it caused my PND but definitely contributed to it. Looking back I can see how ridiculous it was for her to say that, but when hormonal and severely sleep deprived, I took it to heart.

What you are thinking of doing sounds lovely and fun. However, your HV sounds deeply unreasonable as they so often seem to be. Don't feel like you need to give her any headspace if you don't want to.

I think they do teach a second language from reception level now, I’m not sure to what extent though but many primary children I know are learning French or Spanish. They are at state schools.

lol

that’s my only thought on that one….

no changed my mind you should have fired back with

“ I’m sorry, but it’s absolute nonsense that I don’t expose her to a second language, for example, she’s been exposed to some fluent bullshit this very moment’

op , calm down it’s not a thing . If she’s exposed , great , if not , great ! Honestly there’s more important things

I think you have to develop a thick skin - looking back some of the things that people have said to me including teachers, HV and midwives, as a new Mum people tend to come out with all sorts of rubbish to you and it really makes you question yourself. I was only pregnant once but if I'd had a second time I would have been a lot less vulnerable to the nonsense they spout.

That's brilliant. Mine are at uni or in work so it's been a while.

After those comments, I'd be complaining about your health visitor.

And I'm a health visitor.

It is known that billingual children will initially be slower to learn both languages than if just learn 1, especially if the languages have completly different structures, but by 5 their English will be as good as a child who only speaks English. So she wasn't completly wrong, but should have been clearer in her explanation.

What country do you live in?

Is Dad a different nationality and so baby could learn his language (if he's still in her life)

Otherwise I can't think of a reason.

She sounds like a dick.

i could understand if you were a truly bilingual family. Lots of families I work with are bilingual because they have English as an additional language, for example. But if you’re an English person living in England…….you’re doing nothing wrong. Ffs.

I’m skeptical. Are we using the word ‘shamed’ a little liberally here….

Was this Camden?! I had this and thought it was hilarious. Unfortunately I don't have any language skills whatsoever so I think she was suggesting I hire a nanny to plug that gap.

Great username OP

@Skedaddledaway

Donde estas?

This is madness - completely ignore the health visitor.

It is really important for children's language learning for them to hear correctly modeled language from a native speaker around them. It's the reason that second-generation children often still have accents/errors in speech (if parents speak English as a second language at home) and the reason that so many multi-national couples do one-parent-one-language (each parent correctly modelling their mother tongue).

Your dd needs you to speak your first language to her, correctly and often - nothing else.

If you want to put on some french cartoons or teach her a few french words for fun then go ahead and do that - its a lovely activity - but if you're both English living in England the HV is absolutely mental to think that you can raise a bilingual child!

She sounds a twat. One of my HVs was an absolute tool.
She told me never to leave a window open in the house (even during a heat wave upstairs) because babies were being stolen through open windows. This was in the UK and no they weren't. She also said that having dogs would give the children asthma.
Just smile and ignore.

I’ve only ever known this to be a thing when one parent is a native speaker of a language other than English. Then that parent only ever speaks to the kids in their language and gets the kids to speak back to them in it. I’ve never known it to happen when someone is not a native speaker.

Yes, I know that and knew it at the time. But when a health professional is using words like "backwards" and making out that they will have problems starting school, you freak out. A few of my bilingual friend mothers had the same issue as me but they were strong enough to tell them to do one. I wasn't!