Shamed by HV for not exposing DD to a second language

[Skedaddledaway]

I had DDs 12 months appointment yesterday. This time was better than previous times as she only managed to say something vaguely offensive 3 times during the 10 minute appointment.

However, there was one comment she made that filled me up with 'mum guilt' about not exposing DD to a second language. I live in a very multicultural area where most children are being brought learning 2 or 3 languages so seeing a child just speaking English is probably less common.

I speak good french (lived and worked in France for several years) but haven't used french for at least 4 years so am rusty! Speaking french with DD didn't feel natural compared to using my mother tongue. Now I am questioning whether that was a poor decision.

As a single mum I have a lot on my plate but I am thinking of starting to expose DD to some french.
My thoughts were:

• Turning her doll into a francophone so when ever we play with it use french.
• incorporating some simple everyday phrases into our daily routine
• reading books in french in the morning during breakfast
• listening to some nursery rhymes in french

Does this approach sound reasonable?

Of course babies/kids can learn languages easier than adults. 2 languages is pretty much no problem for any child. Learning more than 2 languages also depends on the child/person: some kids take to learning 3 or more languages easily, they are very communicative and chatty. Others will struggle, as their talents are different, they might be great engineer who will never say a word.

I come from a multilingual family and we've been multilingual over several generations, different languages and countries. There are 2 tried and tested ways of getting a bilingual/multilingual child:

• OPOL (One person one language): typically you would use this method if you had a foreign language parent, ie. mum is French, so she speaks French with child, Dad is Japanese.....
• MLAH (Minority Language at Home): you would use this if your family speaks a language at home, that is different from the country's language, ie. British Expats in the Middle East.

In both cases you have natural language speakers teaching the language. I would be sceptical about using a language you only learned later in life, doesn't feel natural, you don't know too much colloquially/slang, don't know any nursery rhymes/lullabies in. If, at least you would be holidaying in France regularly at least once a year? You need time to engage to teach/learn a language.

It's just randomness of life, something you cannot offer your child.
If you live in a multicultural area, try and make her open to other cultures (friends, foods), engage in local initiatives, as a PP said maybe a multi cultural nursery ? All the best!

Make a complaint. I speak fluent Spanish, but I haven't used it with DC. Your job is to love and nurture, not stuff then full of information.

Wow, you have some amazing HV - ours was only interested in the physical side of things! Don't you dare let ANYONE shame you! Dump your dd in a Alliance Francaise little week-end group - where we live, French-speaking parents had playgroups for toddlers and up until they were old enough to be accepted to AF. Better that than picking up rusty mistakes from a non-native, I think. Whilst they are in a playgroup with other French speakers, you can have a cuppa or read a book nearby.

Why haven’t you out of interest?

I wouldnt bother OP. Babies take in languages when they are really exposed to it. To be of any benefit and to stop them getting confused you really need to fully immerse them in it and have either-
One parent one language, or
One situation One language (eg French inside the home English outside the home). Otherwise it won't work at all and will be a massive waste of time. That's hard even for someone who is concretely fluent.

Normally a second language is taught when it’s one of the parents mother tongue. If you are English then that’s what she learns. By all means teach her some french

As to the HV why do you go if she’s so rude, just stop

Come on OP you need to step up a bit on the language front! What are the chances that the next drip feed comes that you haven't even started on the calculus, holding back their creativity by are only providing crayons and paper, rather than oil paint and canvas, or, god forbid, haven't even booked the cello lessons.

My DIL has 2 small children. When the first was born I said to her that , after ten days, the HV would arrive. It would be a woman and she would arrive, probably say something stupid/ hurtful/ worrying and then turn around and breezily say goodbye and leave. "You'll generally feel upset and she will have forgotten all the comments she's made by the time she's back in her car". One of the peaches mine came out with was to walk in , look at my second son aged 18 months, for precisely thirty seconds , and announce that he was probably profoundly deaf. She then had to go but would refer him. She did refer him and we went to the clinic. He wasn't even a tiny bit deaf. Thankfully he was my second son and I knew he was fine. Had he been my first I would have been a sobbing blob on the floor after she'd left.

Because there are no teachers.

When the government introduced MFL in primary they didn't supply any funding so schools got the person who has any qualification in an MFL so it could be a GCSE from 20 years ago.

You are not. This was my experience ok and the experience of everyone I know in real life.

Yep

Some HVs are a bit shit, OP. It’s total luck of the draw. The thing about exposing kids to another language is ridiculous. Most people don’t and it doesn’t make them worse parents. You say you were/are fluent in French. Were you exposed to it from birth? If not, then you should remember that it is possible to become fluent even if you learn later in life and she is talking balls. I also became a fluent French speaker - didn’t even start until I was 11. Don’t let one shitty HV get you down.

@Canonicalhours "@CurlewKate ridiculous post. There are shit people in every profession and I have dealt with some HVs who should not have been in their role."

Agreed. But no HV ever has told
a parent that they were "letting their baby down" by not teaching a 12month old a language they don't actually speak.

I think you are reading too much into the comment. Mostly she is just making a passing comment about introducing French to your child because you can speak it. I don’t see a problem with it. Exposure is a good thing.

Her comments were so inappropriate about letting DD down. I don't speak another language and neither does DH, was I supposed to learn one before giving birth?? I thought you were going to say your first language isn't English, and had chosen not to teach DD your native language.. which I could maybe just about see her point.. but none of her business all the same! But the fact that English is your first language and she made these comments is utterly bizarre to me. Unless I've been living under a rock, people do not do this! Unless it's spoken in the home, I've never heard of this.

She’s 12 months, the check is to see if there any any developmental issues. Exposure to a second language is NOT one of the checks so she is massively overreaching. It is also not something that is proven to make a difference compared to say, reading together or good nutrition. Focus on those and put her out of your mind.

A significant proportion of English people are not monoglot, though — I once did a rough poll in one of my undergraduate classes (can’t remember why now) at a very ethically diverse institution, and about two thirds of the class had Hindi, Urdu, Punjabi, Gujerati, Somali, a Nigerian language, or another European language as a language other than English they routinely used in day to day life, some of them more than one, though they were less likely to write them.

If this is accurate or even close to it, I'd make a complaint.

They aren’t doing it in primary because of teacher shortages. DC primary school used to have a teacher from a local secondary coming to teach them Spanish. This is now gone and DC2 is taught Spanish by a teacher who has never learned before. The teacher openly admits she is learning from the same program as the children. This is very common.

If you can expose your child a little bit of French it’s a really a shame not to.

It is not and it is not

Every mum expressed love more genuinely with their mother tongue it's normal.
You r ideas about exposing her to French are great!

This is unbelievable. You have to complain. ALL the research shows that you are enough for your baby- the best kind of enough. I know that sounds cheesy but it is very simply true.

WHAT?! Talk about being stuck up her own rear end! That is not what health visitors are for and I think I would have been tempted to tell her so. Tbh my first 3 children had great HVs but the one with my 4th was a bona fide idiot so I just didn’t go back after the first appointment

“This is unbelievable”

indeed

We moved to a European country when DCs were small (primary school and younger). All became fluent then bilingual by attending the local school. We exclusively spoke English at home.

In English DCs were English, amongst their friends and to teachers they were locals (albeit with weird foreign parents).

The father, also foreign, of one of their friends had been told by HVs that he 'must' speak to his DCs in the local language not his native language. He regretted doing this because his DCs were unable to talk with their grandparents.