If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

[cadburyegg]

Y6 residential coming up in the next few months- 2 nights away. At the moment ds1 is adamant he doesn't want to go, as he doesn't want to be away from me. He's always been quite anxious, but has got a lot better as he's got older. He is used to staying away from me as he stays with his dad EOW but he would still rather stay with me. He has never been on a sleepover at another child's house nor had one at ours, he has no interest in doing so.

I am going to try and encourage him to go as much as I can, talk to him about the activities (which I know he would love) but I'm not going to force him. There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day. This would be the best option for ds1 I think but I have looked and the cheapest hotel would still be £250+ which isn't really affordable when the cost of the residential is £240 as it is.

I would also need to take 3 days holiday from work which would also be tricky as that is right at the end of my leave year. And there is ds2 to consider - he'd have to stay with my mum for 3 nights which would be disruptive to him and a lot to put on my mum. Basically me staying away with him just isn't an option.

But I keep hearing all about the experience and how amazing it will be for the kids and how awful it will be for the 1/2 kids (out of the year group of 60) who stay behind and stay in a different class.

I just don't see how I can make it work. AIBU if ds1 just doesn't go, assuming he doesn't change his mind?

How can you be unreasonable if your child doesn't want to go?

I'm surprised they allow families staying in hotels and dropping the kids off/picking them up.

They didn't allow it when my kids were at school. It was either a 5 night residential or nothing.

But if the school/residential centre is ok with it, then it might be your best bet.

My daughter chose not to go on a residential in yr 5 and 6. She's also decided not to go on trips in yr 7. It's made no difference to her education or friendships. My daughter went to school on those days, either going into another class or being taught with others who weren't going. It wasn't awful, just another day and talk of the trip soon ended and it was quickly forgotten. Ask the school what the plan is for those not attending?

He's year 6! The parents suggesting staying in hotels are bonkers. Either he goes or he doesn't go would be my approach I'm afraid.

When do you have to decide/pay by? Have you explained that once this deadline passes, he won’t be able to go if he changes his mind? Would it be feasible to pick him up from the residential if he was hating it?

I'm surprised the school are happy for children to be picked up and taken to a hotel - surely the options should be to go and participate in full, or miss out?

If he doesn't want to go then that's fine OP.

I’d ask school if they think he wants to go. They might have a different perspective. He will miss out on activities, true, but he won’t miss much else as usually these trips are for bonding the year group and they will all soon be off to secondary.

I’ve had 3 children do the year 6 trip and 2 not - hasn’t had the slightest effect on them! Hope this helps.

It’s not her best bet, she explained several reasons why it’s not possible for her to stay nearby.

The other parents sound crazy, they go or they don't! Talk to the school about it. They can also talk to your child about it and show photos, and help reduce anxiety.
Ultimately if they don't want to go they don't have to (though be prepared that they still have to go to school, year 6s have then help out in reception class at our school).

The children who don't go won't be missing out. The school I'm at plan 3 days of activities for them.

There will be anything towards half the year group left behind, he won't be a minority and he won't miss out either.

YANBU . Children feel comfortable with residentials at different ages and that’s fine. I think it’s a bit ridiculous for parents to book hotels tbh, but there might be SEN involved, in which case it’s more understandable (we’ve had a residential less than an hour away from school where some children with SEN came for the activities but didn’t stay the night).
Encourage your DS, listen to his reasons in case there’s any worries you can dispel, but accept his decision.
We always have one or two children who don’t attend our residentials for various reasons - they get fun jobs around the school and no fuss is made that they aren’t going. Any teasing about them not going is firmly addressed.

Booking a hotel nearby ?? These kids are off to High School soon, they’ll need a bit more resilience than that.

Your child doesn't want to go. He's not dithering, he's very clear. There will be other trips in secondary school he might want to go on. Maybe not, his choice. This is not such an amazing experience that he'll always regret not going. You don't need to do anything. Good on him for knowing what makes him comfortable and happy!

What is the deadline for deposit/payment for the trip? Is there enough time to try and arrange sleepovers, work with and on him, big up the activities etc?

Is it too far away for you to drive and pick him up and night and drop him off in the morning?

Does he have any really good friends? Are they going?

He's not going to be missing out on anything, it's going to be far more problematic all round when you have to pick him up early. Best just not to go.

I’m really surprised so many parents are booking hotels nearby. I would not be doing that unless my child had a medical need and so I needed to be nearby. I would say if he chooses not to go overnight, he doesn’t go at all. My son loved his year 6 residential and my daughter is excited for her year 4 one next week. Not all children went when my son did his and I think they were a bit left out of conversations about the best parts of the trip (mostly midnight feasts etc so those missing the night times still would miss out). However it had no impact on friendships and the chats about the trip didn’t last that long.

Ours is a 30 min drive so we are commuting but my son is disabled so slightly different.

Every school will do things differently but a few options are-

Children not going become a small class and have lessons

The visit is staggered so half year go a few days then the other half go so kids who don't go stay with their year group

Children are integrated into year 5 for those days.

You need to speak to school but on my experience there's usually 3/4 kids that don't go for various reasons

With exceptions for disabilities, send or mental health etc, like diagnosed severe. Anxiety parents staying in nearby hotels to be close or to let their children stay with them is , in my opinion, pathetic and won't encourage independence of children.

He doesn't want to go. Leave it at that. So what if he misses a few activities? In the whole scheme of things its not a big deal. He has made a choice not to go so respect it. He needs to know you have his back. Just make sure he realises what he will be missing out on if he decides not to go but ultimately that it is his decision. He knows his own mind at that age.

Those parents staying in hotels and dropping off and picking up each day is that really allowed? Sounds bonkers to me! When mine were that age they either went or they didn't. End of. My eldest always wanted to go to these things, my youngest didn't go to any. Neither of them were negatively affected by their choices.

I think that it would be either go or don't go. The hotel is ridiculous and I would be v surprised if the school allowed this. I think it is fine for him not to go. Yes he might feel a bit left out when his peers are getting excited about the trip but he will be fine in another class during the trip. There are always some kids who don't go.

Hotels? All my three went on residentials from yr 3 onwards and I have never heard of parents staying in hotels, I don’t even think it would be have been permitted.

This. And if he regrets his choice later, that's also a lesson. It will be a lovely 3 days if he has a good group of friends and is naturally inclined to the outdoors and the sleeping accommodation is suitable in a monsoon. My DD's school starts them with 1 night in Year 4 [parents are super hyped], 2 in year 5 and 3 in year 6. It generally all goes well unless it's a camping year and the weather is shit.

You and your ex need to be on the same page on this though. No good if you have differing views. That will just add stress to him.

I wouldn't for a second consider a 3 day stay in a hotel to facilitate this as a day trip. What you do need to consider is you are on call if he becomes unwell or needs hospital treatment so you or your ex need to be able to pick him up several hours away and have care for your other child.

Never heard of year 6 residential kids having parents stay nearby so they can join them - bonkers (with exception of disability) - its either go or dont go - your son clearly doesnt want to go so dont force him. My child did PGL in year 4 - 4 d 3 n, same in year 5 and now in year 6 will do 6 days 5 nights, my other child is yr 3 and will do 2 d 1 n this year. Ive never forced - but always encouraged. Go with whatever your child feels comfortable with.

I'm amazed that this is a thing too.

Resilience???

Another sign of the times.

I also worked hard to make sure my DC’s attended Beavers/Brownies etc so that they had the opportunity to attend a one night sleepover, before they did 4 nights.

Parents also need positivity and resilience, supporting their DC’s to attend. Surely by staying in a hotel locallym children are set to fail are the option is provided to leave the residential. Self fulfilling prophecy and all that!

Never heard of families staying in nearby hotels utter nonsense. If he don’t want to go don’t force him,but they do have a brilliant time with all the activities

Madness, there's no way I'd be booking a hotel nearby (unless there were specific medical issues and the child couldn't go otherwise).
I might be cruel but don't make a big deal out of it and just send him, you'll be doing him a favour in the long run.
Can't believe half the year 6 class don't want to go! My DD is year 5 and can't wait to go on her residential in June