If my dc doesn't go on the y6 residential?

[cadburyegg]

Y6 residential coming up in the next few months- 2 nights away. At the moment ds1 is adamant he doesn't want to go, as he doesn't want to be away from me. He's always been quite anxious, but has got a lot better as he's got older. He is used to staying away from me as he stays with his dad EOW but he would still rather stay with me. He has never been on a sleepover at another child's house nor had one at ours, he has no interest in doing so.

I am going to try and encourage him to go as much as I can, talk to him about the activities (which I know he would love) but I'm not going to force him. There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day. This would be the best option for ds1 I think but I have looked and the cheapest hotel would still be £250+ which isn't really affordable when the cost of the residential is £240 as it is.

I would also need to take 3 days holiday from work which would also be tricky as that is right at the end of my leave year. And there is ds2 to consider - he'd have to stay with my mum for 3 nights which would be disruptive to him and a lot to put on my mum. Basically me staying away with him just isn't an option.

But I keep hearing all about the experience and how amazing it will be for the kids and how awful it will be for the 1/2 kids (out of the year group of 60) who stay behind and stay in a different class.

I just don't see how I can make it work. AIBU if ds1 just doesn't go, assuming he doesn't change his mind?

Mine never went , they just didn't want to go , l remember there were a few kids who came home early because they were homesick too.

It's bonkers that parents are planning on staying in hotels nearby. What a faff for the staff having to escort kids off site and deal with all the communication. Plus the staying over with friends is half the fun, removing that doesn't really make it a residential experience anyway.

If he really doesn't want to go I wouldn't force it at all. Once they get back it's forgotten in a few days so it's not like he'll have missed some holy grail experience and then be forever socially shunned because of it.

However I do think it's a good experience for kids who genuinely are ok being away from home. My dc was always pretty shy and he had the time of his life.

Primary teacher here PGL every year - I'm so pleased your ds is now talking about going-it really it the best fun that they will never forget! So many children achieve so much but in a different way to their achievements in the classroom. If I was you I would speak to his teacher so they know he's a wobbly one and they will be able to help with the reassurance leading up to the trip. I'm really not a fan of September trips though - they've just had the summer and they've not seen their teachers and friends for a long time so it gives lots of time for worrying without reassurance on hand (nothing you can do about this I know!). I had two wobbly ones last year who were wobbly right up to going. I promised them both that if they wanted me to ring their parents
To fetch them then I would - both did the holiday and loved it!

There is a lot of talk amongst other parents in the class WA group about getting their kids ready for staying away, with some other parents planning on booking hotels nearby so their child can stay with them at night then still do the activities during the day.

You must have a lot of completely insane parents at your school.
Never heard of such a thing.
I highly suspect the school wouldn't allow it anyway.
Absolute madness.
What is difficult for these parents to understand about the word 'residential' ?

I would send him, but discuss his anxiety with a teacher and be prepared to go and get him/have his dad go and get him if he truly didn’t cope. I have never, ever had to use that option (have run year 7 residentials.) but a lot of kids get nervous about going. He will have a brilliant time and mature from the experience.

Unless there were severe SEND at play I would have little patience with the parents who are planning to stay nearby. (Even if there were I’d be looking for a specialist 1:1 TA rather than have them be collected if at all possible.) That will just tip kids who are being brave over the edge. I would refuse to take kids under that arrangement

My DC was like this when they knew they Y6 trip had been announced. They'd done a couple of sleepovers with friends but were insisting they didn't want to go on the school trip.

And then suddenly, they did.

They were away a whole week though rather than just a few nights.
It all went well. They weren't allowed mobile phones, but we did have very regular updates from the staff accompanying them. So we knew when they had got to certain points on the route there, we knew when they'd arrived. We got daily 'diary posts' with photos, and then a full detailed time-tracked return.

I'm glad they did it, as it did help with confdence and resilience.

DDs Y6 residential was to France … far enough away to stop clingy parents hanging round.

Absolute bonkers for parents to be booking hotels, this is why we have kids with no resilience. He either goes or doesn’t but you are right to be encouraging him to have some independence from you

Do these hotel parents know the school will likely not release the kids to them?

They're utterly bonkers.

I would try and encourage him to go. When my daughter did her residential,the amount of parents who's children had changed their minds and wanted to go. It was a lot,but by then, unfortunately it was too late to add them.

I'm surprised the school are happy for children to be picked up and taken to a hotel - surely the options should be to go and participate in full, or miss out?
I'm surprised as well
When Iused to do residential, usually at Robinwood, Castle Cragg or Bron Y Gadda we had loads of kids that were anxious and nervous. However with encouragement from their friends they had a great time once they were settled. It usually only took less than an hour and they be off joining in with activities.

It would have been a disaster if parents came and took kids away as we had e ending activities planned which would have e been spoiled with reduced numbers. Also part of the cost is for evening meals, snacks and supper and accommodating which the centre staff plan for.

If your child is really upset at going, don't send them.

If they are just anxious and a bit nervous send them put a positive spin on it. It will seriously help their resilience and confidence.

Christ, has that what it's come too? Parents booking hotels so they can hold their kids hand?

Something has gone really wrong in our young.

It's 2 nights, he'll probably love it and it'll build some obviously needed confidence.

Our son didn't want to go to the primary residential in year 6 which was a full week away in Isle of Man (well 5 nights). No drama at all. We told the teacher he didn't want to go. Teacher had a quiet word with him as a general discussion, but no real pressure. We discussed with the teacher what would happen in school and he just said he'd be sitting in the residual class of year 5s. It was a school where there's 1.5 classes per year, so there's a mix of ages/years in every class. Some of those in his own class were too young to go, and some of them in the lower class would be going, so it worked out well - both classes were mixed and merged for the week and it really wasn't obvious that son should have gone but didn't, as he was still with some pupils from his own class.

In year 7 at secondary, they did a shorter residential of just a weekend a lot closer to home that DS was happy about, so he went along and enjoyed it - much smaller scale, and he was happy even though he wasn't with any of his actual friends - his primary feeds into about 10 secondaries and there was no one from his primary in his form at secondary!

A few years later he did DofE bronze and silver with no problems.

He went away to Uni no problems. He moved to a different city and rented his own flat for work. No problems. He's been on holidays with random friends from Uni and work, no problems.

Just because you don't want to do something like that aged 10 doesn't mean they're going to be clingy and unwilling to do it ever. They can grow up massively in the transition from primary to secondary and then again from secondary to Uni and beyond. Don't pressurise them and don't fall for the "everyone's doing it and you'll be left out" crap. They do things when they're ready.

The hotel thing is insane. Either a child wants to go or they don’t go. They shouldn’t be forced to go but having parents nearby is really quite bizarre. Unless there are specific health needs.

Having done camps before for scouts, it's the parents who are so often projecting their own anxiety onto the kids. The kids are fine until they are told they aren't by anxious parents.

We talk about anxiety being a thing for kids of today, but I'm not convinced. I think it's driven by parents being over protective and anxious themselves.

Outside that bubble the kids thrive - and that's actually the purpose of residentials in the first place, to remove themselves from those parental constraints.

I’ve also just clocked this only a 2 night trip. Is that it?! Ours was 6 and seems the norm to be about 4/6! So that’s even crazier they’d be in a hotel.

I am glad I never joined the class WhatsApp group. It sounds like the anxiety and madness is contagious!

I think it’s incredible that’s so many teachers agree to do this. It would be my worst nightmare. You all deserve a gold medal!

Gosh - that is a nasty and unnecessary dig at SAMPs.

I'm a SAHP.

I'm one of the least clingy.

You could equally argue that working parents over compensate (this is bollocks and I don't believe it).

The parents shouldn't be staying over - that is ridiculous.

DS is 9 and his year 4 class went on a 1 night residential last night. It was in a YHA and 4 children to a room. It was the first time they have taken a year 4 group and it went well.

If your son doesn't want to go then that's that really. A few children don't go on my DS' trip

I know so many parents like that. You say anything to their kid and the parent jumps in he won't do that, he won't like that, he won't eat that.

It wasnt intended to be, as I was a SAHM for many years. I noticed a particular type of SAHM who treated parenting as a professional job and really couldnt get used to being needed less as their kids grew. They would create situations, such what the OP describes, simply to be needed. Its a shame because its not good for either the parent or the child.

Yep. I work in yr6 in a Primary School & it's all or nothing - no way we'd support parents staying nearby & going for a 'day trip' option. Those not going stay behind & help out with other year groups, do PE, art, computing, etc.

This, 100%