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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd(11) unplanned sleepover guest

201 replies

tentimesover · 08/03/2025 17:58

Dd (11) had a couple of school friends over for a sleepover last night. One of my friends had an emergency come up and asked if I could look after her daughter(12) and I agreed. Her and dd are good friends but Dd’s school friends haven’t met this girl before.

All absolutely fine, the girls all got on well and went out together today. One school friends parents are annoyed there was an uninvited guest and say it wasn’t what they agreed to when they let their dd stay.

It was late and I honestly didn’t even consider it could be a problem or to messages other parents. They are all the same age and I know this friends daughter well and she is lovely as are dds school friends.

Was I unreasonable to let her stay without asking other parents first?
If it was the other way around I honestly wouldn’t have been at all bothered and if anything thought it was nice.

OP posts:
Twittable · 08/03/2025 18:07

YANBU!

What you do in your own home is up to you! If it was a 12 year old boy then maybe there might be a justification but there was an emergency, the girl is not a stranger to you or your daughter and everyone got on fine - I don’t see an issue?

I’ve got an 11yr old dd - I wouldn’t be bothered at all.

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 08/03/2025 18:08

Those parents are mean spirited and have far too much time on their hands.

If it were a boy I would understand but another 12 year old girl who the others are getting alone with.
Perhaps they need to learn some lessons from the children!

FlatWhite78 · 08/03/2025 18:09

Why would you ask other parents about a guest at your house? They’re being absolutely ridiculous OP. They should be grateful to you for entertaining their DD for the night. If their little darling wasn’t pleased with the arrangement then she should’ve asked to go home.

Changeissmall · 08/03/2025 18:09

Other parents are weird.

nannyl · 08/03/2025 18:10

YANBU

How rude of the other parent.....

MuggleMe · 08/03/2025 18:11

I don't think it would bother me, but that parent might be cautious about sleepovers and didn't have all the fact when she agreed to it (well she did but plans changed). I can see her perspective even if I wouldn't myself complain.

loropianalover · 08/03/2025 18:12

Is there something about that particular girl or her parents/family that others might have an issue with?

A lot of people loathe the thought of sleepovers for good reason. Did their DD have a phone to let her parents know that plans had changed, or did she ask to use your phone? If she only told them the next day and they’re now saying they’re uncomfortable, they should just learn from this experience and make sure their DD knows to contact them about any change in plans or change of who is in the house. Every family has different rules and it’s on them to communicate to their DD.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 08/03/2025 18:13

An unknown adult staying...yes. Another 12 year old girl? No problem.

Evenstar · 08/03/2025 18:15

YANBU and I probably wouldn’t have her DD to stay again, as although I would feel sorry for the child missing out you wouldn’t want a problem to arise over something equally trivial. It’s incredibly rude to dictate to someone else what goes on in their own home.

JMSA · 08/03/2025 18:15

YANBU and the parent is a weirdo.

"Fine and noted. And while we're at it, I'd have appreciated a heads-up that you were an oddball, before agreeing to have your daughter to stay."

Grin
ValentinesGranny · 08/03/2025 18:16

The other parent is batshit. My DC are all adults now but we'd often have multiple DC sleep over. It would never have occurred to me to ask.

WilmaTitsDrop · 08/03/2025 18:18

"Go fuck yourself" would spring to mind.

But I'd probably reply with something politer like "I'm not in the habit of asking other parents if I'm allowed to invite my friend's child to stay".

Which is basically still "Go fuck yourself" but not quite as aggressive.

HeyItsPickleRick · 08/03/2025 18:18

Deeply bizarre - I would’ve thought “oh that’s nice” and that’s it.

Modernskylines · 08/03/2025 18:21

So did this parent message you this?

Original poster
tentimesover · 08/03/2025 18:21

Ok, great.

I was worried that I might be the odd one for not caring and that it would generally be considered inappropriate.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 08/03/2025 18:23

MuggleMe · 08/03/2025 18:11

I don't think it would bother me, but that parent might be cautious about sleepovers and didn't have all the fact when she agreed to it (well she did but plans changed). I can see her perspective even if I wouldn't myself complain.

If she is so twitchy then maybe she should ban her daughter from sleepovers altogether then she will have to find something else to worry about. I wonder if she would have come to collect her daughter, had the OP phoned to tell her.

TickingAlongNicely · 08/03/2025 18:25

How wierd.
I often let both DDs have sleepovers on the same night to minimise my pain. I have absolutely no idea if each DD mentions there will be others here.

(When I say often... I mean the few occasions I stoke up the courage to allow it!)

MissRoseDurward · 08/03/2025 18:26

If the girls are not already at secondary school, they will be in September, and this girl's parents will soon discover they won't know all her friends, and they won't be able to vet the friends' houses she visits and who she meets there.

Modernskylines · 08/03/2025 18:27

There will be more to this OP, did the parent just message you this out of the blue after the children had been collected? What did you respond?

Modernskylines · 08/03/2025 18:27

I wonder whether the last minute guest wasn’t very nice to the girl

WilmaTitsDrop · 08/03/2025 18:34

WTF?

I don't understand why my post was deleted? 😳

Original poster
tentimesover · 08/03/2025 18:36

Modernskylines · 08/03/2025 18:21

So did this parent message you this?

They messaged asking if we had another girl stay (Which they obviously already knew as their dd would have told them)

I explained she was my friends daughter who had an emergency…

And they replied saying that they’re not really happy about it as it wasn’t what was agreed

OP posts:
steff13 · 08/03/2025 18:38

YANBU. She's a kid. If you'd had another adult stay, I would have wanted a heads-up, but not a kid.

melonalone · 08/03/2025 18:38

This is so weird! The other girl could have been a cousin for all these parents know - why are they so bothered?

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/03/2025 18:39

Look on the bright side @tentimesover, now you know who the weird parents are you can swerve them.

YANBU.