Dd(11) unplanned sleepover guest

[tentimesover]

Dd (11) had a couple of school friends over for a sleepover last night. One of my friends had an emergency come up and asked if I could look after her daughter(12) and I agreed. Her and dd are good friends but Dd’s school friends haven’t met this girl before.

All absolutely fine, the girls all got on well and went out together today. One school friends parents are annoyed there was an uninvited guest and say it wasn’t what they agreed to when they let their dd stay.

It was late and I honestly didn’t even consider it could be a problem or to messages other parents. They are all the same age and I know this friends daughter well and she is lovely as are dds school friends.

Was I unreasonable to let her stay without asking other parents first?
If it was the other way around I honestly wouldn’t have been at all bothered and if anything thought it was nice.

YANBU. A girl of the same age- absolutely fine.
They are 12, I expect they have phones? So if their daughter was uncomfortable with a stranger I imagine they could have been contacted?

If it was an adult or older child, or a child of the opposite sex then I could maybe see their point. But I'm really suprised they are bothered enough to tell you about it.

And have you responded?

Have you had any interaction with the parents before?

My guess is something happened between the girls last night and their daughter has arrived home very unhappy and anxious

The last minute guest year above?

They are bonkers

If you had messaged me to say your friends, Daughter was staying as well as this okay I would've thought you were the one that was bonkers!

Oh well, it's a shame that this kid will miss out on a lot of opportunities in life due to her batshit parents

Do you think that it was the actually daughter who complained to her parents that it ruined the vibe that she was expecting to have a stranger added in?

Yes all girls had phones so their daughter could have messaged last night if she was unhappy.
She genuinely seemed perfectly happy, I checked in regularly but I guess it's a possibility she was upset by having another girl there.

How many girls were there at the sleepover?

Unless these parents are unhinged, which I doubt, my guess is their daughter came home very unhappy and was saying that she never would have attended if she knew she was going to be having a sleepover with someone she didn’t know there, (and in the year above?)
Have you spoken to your daughter?

That's what I was thinking.

To put it in adult terms, if you were having a girls night out and sharing a hotel room, you'd be put out if the organising friend, with no notice, brought along someone you'd never met before.

Basically, your daughter's friends were looking forward to a sleepover with their best friend. And got there to find a random girl they didn't know. They may well not have been thrilled by that.

Obviously I'm not blaming you for helping your friend out. But I can see why your DD's friend might have had a bit of a moan to her mum.

That’s life, though. Every hen party etc you’ll end up with your friend’s sister/cousin/colleague that you can’t stand, but you just put up with it for your friend.

The girl is fine to be annoyed, and fine to complain to her parents, but they, as the adults in this situation, should know better than to complain to the OP.

Do you think it likely thst the girl went home complaining that the presence of your friend’s DD changed the vibe? Is it possible something unpleasant happened between those two?

Could you ask your DD, telling her why?

In any case I would expect DC of that age to show more resilience in an emergency, or else go home. The alternative is that, as PP have said, the mum is a control freak

YANBU at all. They’re completely ridiculous.

But you know when you go to a hen party, that there'll be people there that you don't know. And you decide whether to go, based on that.

Sounds like she tries to police who her child is allowed to be friends with. That's the only reason I can think of to have an issue with it.

Mm I wonder that too.

I'm not joking. I would have told the crazy parents to fuck off if they said that to me!

My teen being her friends back for sleepovers most weekends or they all stay at others houses. I don’t think anyone’s parents have minded who is at them.

Yep

Lovely

My post was deleted for basically saying this!

Friends daughter is staying here again tonight, they both have said the sleepover was good and everyone got on.

I think even if the situation was the other way round and my dd came home upset or disappointed, I wouldn't think it was okay to complain to the parents.

For goodness sake, parents of girl! If you want that degree of control, don't allow your daughter to go to sleepovers. The unexpected guest was female and a child. What ever next? She's not used to blue towels? She always has a ginger nut before she goes to bed? She doesn't like black cats?

Your DDs friends parents are flexing their privilege to expect to be told about a female who's the same age as their DD staying over when her parents had an emergency.

Much ado about nothing methinks...

I would have done exactly what you did. Unless the parents who complained had asked you for, and were given, a list of names of the other children attending and made their decision about whether or not their child could go based on that list, then I don't see how adding another girl - known to your family, friends with your daughter, and apparently causing no problems at all on the night - could be a serious issue.

I wouldn’t apologise, but I’d reply asking if there’d been an issue as everyone seemed happy. Then if nothing has happened, she’ll feel silly.