Dd(11) unplanned sleepover guest

[tentimesover]

Dd (11) had a couple of school friends over for a sleepover last night. One of my friends had an emergency come up and asked if I could look after her daughter(12) and I agreed. Her and dd are good friends but Dd’s school friends haven’t met this girl before.

All absolutely fine, the girls all got on well and went out together today. One school friends parents are annoyed there was an uninvited guest and say it wasn’t what they agreed to when they let their dd stay.

It was late and I honestly didn’t even consider it could be a problem or to messages other parents. They are all the same age and I know this friends daughter well and she is lovely as are dds school friends.

Was I unreasonable to let her stay without asking other parents first?
If it was the other way around I honestly wouldn’t have been at all bothered and if anything thought it was nice.

"It would help if you could actually explain the problem, so that I CAN understand it"

@Clavinova

They went for lunch and to some shops.

Yes, all Y7. Friends dd goes to a different school though.

tentimesover

Presumably 'the emergency' was something like an elderly parent being ill rather than a messy relationship break-up or eviction? Would your friend's daughter have felt comfortable discussing the emergency with the other girls?

@Clavinova

Emergency was teen sibling needing to go to hospital, broken bone but not over-wise seriously injured.
I suspect she would have said why but it's not something she was particularly upset by.

That’s a very good response OP. It seems to happen so often that parents create a problem where none exists. I feel sorry for the girl.

tentimesover
They went for lunch and to some shops

Nice café and local shops or McDonalds in town?

What social media platforms are the girls on? Is the mother her daughter's friend/monitors her phone?

Omg, does she head the PTA, she sounds like a stepford wife. Id avoid her at all cost. This is the neighborhood lady who likes to control everyone. Just be nice and cordial every time you see her. She’s definitely a type where other mothers listen to everything she says. Just try to get along.

OMG, you did her a favour and she questions who you can have in your house! Wow. I feel sorry for her DD.

What was their original objection message?

I agree with this. We went to a talk recently on online safety and the convener said he does not allow his kids to go to sleepovers if he does not know the internet situation (eg if they have a filter). This would worry me also.

Ironically my son then had a pizza party/sleepover and one of the DCs was not allowed to stay as they don't do sleepovers - which is obviously fine. But he brought his smartphone with him and had it in my son's bedroom messaging and showing the others - which was absolutely not ok by me.

I don't think the other parent is BU. I can also see why OP you did not think it would be a problem either given the age and sex of the other girl and the emergency situation. Chalk it up to experience.

But surely she has a right to make an informed choice about whether her child stays there then?

I’m sure they will be quick to message also if their little princess is not included in the next sleepover.

Yanbu. It's your home.

This is nuts.

I think I’d reply saying that you understand there ‘could’ have been a problem depending on the specifics of the additional person, but given it was another 12 year old girl, no, you don’t consider it a problem. If they do, fair enough, and you’re sad their daughter will no longer be available for sleepovers - it’s a loss to the friendship group.

My son used to regularly stay in tents in friends gardens, I knew and trusted the friends and have no idea who comprised of the group of 6 or 7 lads squashed in a tent were. Wouldn't have dreamed of asking or complaining. Definitely not being unreasonable.

What weirdo parents there are out there !!

It's good you have learned early on that they are a bit weird. I personally wouldn't have their dd again as god knows what else could bother them.

Bonkers. I’d reply something along the lines of ‘sorry you feel that way and of course that is your decision. I would just hope that would you have a family friend who would take your child in with little notice in the case of a family emergency like I did here and not have it become an issue with other invited guests’

"Duly noted, will not include her in further gatherings of that nature".....would be my reply to that.

Her DD is going to miss out then isn't she.

Of course it wont only be males that are sex offenders, but if thats what the OPs "friend" is worried about, she wouldnt be letting her attend the sleepover of an 11 year old female. Unless she thinks people can only become a threat at the age of 12.

My son recently went to a sleepover, also 12. I assumed it was just his friends after scrolling down the list of names on WhatsApp group invite. After sleepover, I found out he had another friend there too, a boy same age. It didn't even cross my mind to message the mum about it. It wasn't even a last minute emergency, just hadn't been mentioned.

I would just 'like' their message or send something back like 'ok'. Really not worth the headspace. What's it to you if their child isn't permitted to stay at your house? These people are etremely entitled and controlling and tbh probably better to have nothing to do with them.