Dd(11) unplanned sleepover guest

[tentimesover]

Dd (11) had a couple of school friends over for a sleepover last night. One of my friends had an emergency come up and asked if I could look after her daughter(12) and I agreed. Her and dd are good friends but Dd’s school friends haven’t met this girl before.

All absolutely fine, the girls all got on well and went out together today. One school friends parents are annoyed there was an uninvited guest and say it wasn’t what they agreed to when they let their dd stay.

It was late and I honestly didn’t even consider it could be a problem or to messages other parents. They are all the same age and I know this friends daughter well and she is lovely as are dds school friends.

Was I unreasonable to let her stay without asking other parents first?
If it was the other way around I honestly wouldn’t have been at all bothered and if anything thought it was nice.

Was it just the three of them op?

YANBU. A same aged and same sex child that your daughter knows and that you know AND it was an emergency. Some parents literally invent problems. All the children got along too!

Yanbu.

Exactly that!

This is a very useful lesson!

Deserved! I have no problem at all with swearing at rude or unreasonable people and these parents were definitely that. Who the fuck do they fucking think they are getting a say in something like that in someone else's house?

And if you think differently you're WRONG!

I would ask her if there had been an issue between the girls. If the mum says no it just changed the vibe, you can say you wouldn’t have wanted to disappoint her dd by sending her home. That would have been the only alternative as it was a genuine emergency. She can come over again once the issue with your friend is resolved. Jeepers the girls are 11. Either the start of year 7 or the end of year 6.

No there was 4 of them originally (including dd) 5 once friends daughter joined

Perfectly fine and safe under the circumstances. If it had been a boy or you'd left the house or left them under the supervision of a random adult or older child, their concerns would be justified.

I know parents are (rightfully) twitchy about sleepovers. I'm always concerned about male siblings and their random mates, as they don't always seem as closely vetted by parents, especially if they're older brothers.

But no, you did right by everyone in this scenario.

Should have added YANBU, OP

So it's not like the friend could have felt left out or anything by the other girl joining. Maybe she just didn't like her for some reason and complained to her parents. But it still doesn't explain why the parents contact you about it. They ought to say "thank you very much for having her" that's all.

What did you say to them OP? I'd have asked what exactly their problem was with the situation and that you didn't realise that you should have run it past them first before helping your friend out, but not to worry it won't happen again as their daughter will not be getting invited again.

Why are people so paranoid these days years ago my daughter when in primary school year 5 or 6 used to stay round a boys house one of her good friends never thought anything of it.

Have you replied to the parents yet OP?

Is this their first sleepover? I’d be willing to bet that the other mum was hoping her DD would need her and she could come swooping in, and is complaining about nothing purely because her DD was fine without her.

Make sure you warn the other girls’ parents about batshit mum so they are forewarned she’s a nutter for when their turn to host sleepovers comes.

Yeah I’d ask if something happened.

I used to just say to my mum ‘can I sleep over at so and so’s’. She knew the parents and would normally say yes. I would either walk to my friend’s house or be driven depending on the friend and the same the other way the next day.

that was the entire involvement of my mum. She never ever spoke to the other parents. As kids we had to arrange it all ourselves even from a young age. No one had mobiles or text messaging.

my mum had no idea if I was just staying over other children as well and she didn’t care. I feel like mobiles and messaging had opened this weird overmeddling that never used to exist.

Seriously? Seriously?!

I can’t see it at all, another 12 year old girl in an emergency, what does she need to know?

This is a good suggestion.

@tentimesover i don’t think you were wrong at all . Like others had said if it was boy then maybe Have to re think .
Pp said would you ask permission for other guests at your house. .
This is why I hate sleep overs.
You can have any random man there and be around someone’s daughter ( not aimed at you personally )
I think it’s just through the spent of and made her have a wobble .

Sorry your not happy but I don’t think we actually agreed on anything, (Childs name) was invited here and wanted to come. All the girls seems to be happy with the arrangement, was (childsname) not?

This was the similar .

Dd had asked on Wednesday if x, y and z could stay on Friday and I had said yes to her. They all came home together after school yesterday.
Parents did message Friday day to confirm their dd was staying with us and I said yes.
Nothing else was actually agreed between us.

Mmmmm white privilege 🫢🤔…………cough cough

Other parents are bonkers