Does anyone else struggle with authority?

[Flowersinthehood]

Not as in 'end up in a riot van' struggle!
I suppose I've never liked being told what to do. I have struggled with employers over the years as there's sometimes no logic in their decision making at times. But I've never been sacked as I'm a really hard worker, and I pick things up quickly. Actually I forgot I was sacked for not following the rules in a call centre.
Yesterday I had a bit of a run in with my manager. I wanted them to let me finish off something but it had to be passed on to someone else, as is the protocol. I asked if I could just have one week more on it, and she said well that is not your decision to make. I do get that, but that sort of saying or message just makes me feel pure rage.
And I don't know where that rage comes from.
It's a bit like parking tickets. I just will not pay them. I call up and I appeal each one and it ends up going to court but it's like I can't surrender as I just don't agree with the money grabbing nature of it.
Yet I'm not like this with friends and family, I'm always described as laid back. I never complain in restaurants or scrimp on tips. I will do anything for anyone, if I see the point.
I comply with school rules for my children and speak to teachers with respect.
But when I was at school one year they had to set up a separate classroom and I would do all my work in there, as I couldn't be told what to do. I did all my work and got good grades but I needed to be the one to direct myself.
Does anyone else feel similar? I'm not autistic as far as I'm aware. I am kind of demand avoidant and I can't cope if I know people don't like me. It eats me away inside. I am not dominant in relationships. It's more institutional or work place stuff I struggle with.

Not the OP but I am this weird when I do my weekly shop - for example, with the (classic) parent and child parking and wankers abusing it. I am! There are many ways in which my commitment to justice shows up in helpful and appropriate ways, but there's also the time I parked across a BMW sports car who gave me grief for pointing out that those spots weren't for him. I went off for a long stroll in a Sainsbury's with no mobile reception.

See also: calling out people who steal from self checkouts.

Life would be easier if I wasn't like this, and I don't always act out.

Does everyone else really just accept their lot in life and carry on paying big fines to fund arms for companies, or not care that huge corporations pay no tax or that we get a genuinely worse service now than before we had privatisation? I have family abroad with beautiful trains, better water quality, cheaper energy and transport and it honestly makes me furious.

Don't park where you can't if you don't want tickets simple.
If you do get one pay up and learn.

As your said your not going to get away with it so why waste time and energy.
You could pay and move on with life.

Its egomania or narcissism and honestly its within your control to sort it out and just be more respectful to other people and their experiences

No. I for one don’t accept that any of those awful things are either OK or inevitable, which is why I dedicate what time I have to doing what I can to address them, rather than to giving parking firms the Joe Lycett treatment. It just seems a strange priority to me. But I appreciate we’re all different.

It occurs to me that you could be such an asset working at a debt advice charity. Debt collections companies quite literally hound people to suicide in this country and people with your focus tend to be good at standing up to them and mediating on behalf of clients who are in crisis.

Edit: You would still have bosses to answer to and rules to follow, though. But that’s the working world.

@TiredMummma so everyone who doesn't accept the status quo is a narcissist?

Sorry i haven't had time to rtft so this is maybe a repeat but I was thinking ODD maybe op?

Did you have times as a child where you felt powerless or unheard or like your needs weren't met?

It could be a personality trait as well. I do have elements of this and its funny I also work in a similar field but I generally can keep a lid on it until I'm faced with someone who really really wants to be right and doesn't listen to me and then I struggle. For me it definitely goes back to childhood and I know where it comes from though.

I have the opposite problem…..

@PaintCatsPaint well I'm a social care worker so I do a bit for people who are disadvantaged by the systems which rule us, but they do most of it, I just support them to problem solve. But this is also why I am not a popular person at work. I get it.

I'm not in the UK so I have no knowledge about whether parking fines fund arms. In general, it's frustrating that a lot of companies/organisations don't invest ethically. It's not easy to be an ethical consumer. As a general rule I think it's fair to be angry about all the things you mention, but I don't think you seem to be angry about them on a structural level. You could argue that parking fines are an absolute necessity to maintain order in traffic and that they can be used to work towards better public transport and so on. I'm not sure you're honing in on the right things? I think @PaintCatsPaint said it better than me upthread.

I'd like to say that I am similar, but I've learnt to let things go and also I know that perhaps my perspective isn't the only one and/or can't be the main one.

That’s such important work. Though I imagine it means you are confronted with a lot of the bureaucracy you find so infuriating, too. I wonder if you could ruminate on how you empower the people you help. Do you advise them to resist authority, and rules, and to push back against everything, or do you advocate a more balanced approach? I mean this quite genuinely. If I’m self reflecting I often find it helps to think about what advice I’d give someone else.

Have you come across the Four Tendencies personality framework? It describes how we react when faced with external and internal expectations. It sounds very like to me that you are a Rebel or Questioner, who both resist external expectations, but in slightly different ways (probably a Questioner, who resists expectations they find arbitrary but will meet expectations they consider more reasonable). If you can explore this idea you might find some ways to handle this side of yourself better. gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/

You’re not being bullied - you’re breaching the terms and conditions of the parking company and you’re getting a fine. The concept and amount of the fines have been challenged in court numerous times and a precedent has been set that they are reasonably proportionate for the purposes of deterrence.
I’m a huge advocate of challenging unfairness. I’ve rallied neighbours to push back against service charges on my estate. Challenged parking fines where the road markings were no longer visible. Taken an insurance company to the Ombudsman. But the stuff you’re complaining about isn’t unfair - you just don’t like it.
Whether that’s rooted in neurodivergence or personality, you’re going to get some who agree and some who disagree with you.

Yes I hate it. I'm the boss so luckily don't have this at work but I hate when my husband tries to tell me what to do and I often say no or do the opposite just because. I'm sure there is some psychology behind it...

Ah I bloody love this thread. OP I get you totally. How did you fare during covid, when we were in peak jobsworth territory all over the place? I had a total meltdown in a shopping centre when some man in a tabard shouted at me for daring to walk the wrong way to his stupid one-way system (which was completely illogical and meant I was walking far further, and past far more people, than I needed to) - thank god I had a mask on so he couldn't see me calling him a total cunt several times 🤣

I got utter, utter rage on a daily basis about the stupid things that made no sense and everyone telling me what to do the whole time - even ROADSIGNS asking me if my journey was necessary. Yes it fucking is - FUCK OFF AND STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.

I once told a policeman I wouldn't move until he said please 😳 Also I am self employed which is far better for all concerned - I can't work for anyone else as I can't bare them trying to tell me what to do. I am generally a nice, friendly, civilised person but as soon as someone tries to boss me around I turn into an irrational harpie, filled with rage. My daughter is the same too, DH just laughs at us.

I'm glad I've found this thread as I did wonder if I was just a bit weird.

@crumpleduppieceofpaper oh COVID! Don't remind me. I worked in the NHS throughout and the lack of science generating decision making was staggering!

You DO get what you pay for. You pay to park for an amount of time and if you breach that, they’ll fine you. I think your anger at genuinely difficult systems is being misplaced into absolutely bonkers behaviour. Just pay for your parking, you’re not changing the world for the better by making the poor administrator at the parking company send you a ticket translated into Finnish.

Never felt like this as I am not a spoilt child and was given rules and boundaries

Parking charges and fines are mostly about demand management. Usually more people want to park than there are spaces available. So you pay for a slot. Stay longer than your slot and you get fined as a deterrent. If everyone behaved like you then you would be moaning about lack of parking spaces.

As a non car owner, I personally think it is a fucking liberty that some car owners think they are entitled to store their private property on other people's land for free. My road would be much nicer if there were no cars parked on it.

You should watch this series OP, and see if any of it seems familiar:

The Complainers (TV Series 2014– ) | Documentary
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4215680/

Although unfortunately for you there isn't one specifically about parking.

@Ginmonkeyagain you realise some of have to drive for work right? How many visits would I get done if I relied on public transport? How many people would remain in hospital if care workers aren't able to drive around and park so someone can access a P1 pathway? How would mental health teams visit people in the community to give vital support and medication without driving and parking yes maybe sometimes on someone's road or in a supermarket car park. You don't own your road and you don't get to be all high and mighty because you don't drive. I didn't drive for years, didn't make me shit sun beams.

Oh there are some things i totally relate to op!!! And I'm in a job where I do have power ...
I also can't stand 'stupid rules' or people who have authority and can't explain themselves.
I too had very overbearing parents, told when to breathe etc. I do absolutely put my hands up and accept anything that's happened due to me though.
I have no nd diagnosis yet.

Op why did you write a letter to a shop about your daughter having a meltdown?

It sounds like you are simply used to getting your own way.

I do not have the issues that Flowersinthehood has but when I brought my children up (they are in their 30s now) I always felt that telling them "because I say so" was a major cop out. When they asked why, I either explained to them the reason there and then or said that we would discuss it later - and we did.

When they were older, they would ask me why some adults told them to do things (which seemed pointless to them) and wouldn't explain why. I told them that there were people in the world who thought that they could just order others, especially children, around and that mostly they were disrespectful people. That led to discussions about disrespect and how to handle it. When it was worth pursuing and when it was not. They are kindly, respectful adults now and always treat those around them as they themselves wish to be treated.