Does anyone else struggle with authority?

[Flowersinthehood]

Not as in 'end up in a riot van' struggle!
I suppose I've never liked being told what to do. I have struggled with employers over the years as there's sometimes no logic in their decision making at times. But I've never been sacked as I'm a really hard worker, and I pick things up quickly. Actually I forgot I was sacked for not following the rules in a call centre.
Yesterday I had a bit of a run in with my manager. I wanted them to let me finish off something but it had to be passed on to someone else, as is the protocol. I asked if I could just have one week more on it, and she said well that is not your decision to make. I do get that, but that sort of saying or message just makes me feel pure rage.
And I don't know where that rage comes from.
It's a bit like parking tickets. I just will not pay them. I call up and I appeal each one and it ends up going to court but it's like I can't surrender as I just don't agree with the money grabbing nature of it.
Yet I'm not like this with friends and family, I'm always described as laid back. I never complain in restaurants or scrimp on tips. I will do anything for anyone, if I see the point.
I comply with school rules for my children and speak to teachers with respect.
But when I was at school one year they had to set up a separate classroom and I would do all my work in there, as I couldn't be told what to do. I did all my work and got good grades but I needed to be the one to direct myself.
Does anyone else feel similar? I'm not autistic as far as I'm aware. I am kind of demand avoidant and I can't cope if I know people don't like me. It eats me away inside. I am not dominant in relationships. It's more institutional or work place stuff I struggle with.

Oh I’ve always felt like this, I’m stubborn and I hate the feeling that anyone is ‘above’ me at work or the feeling of being controlled, I find it humiliating. I also have a very strong sense of right and wrong, and I follow rules to the letter, which is why I’ve never got a parking ticket!

Yes I completely relate to this. I always struggled in more junior roles at work when I first started out my career and I found school difficult. I'm now head of my department and report directly to the board so I have more authority and I'm a far better performer for it.

I think previous posters hit the nail on the head that it stems from a fearing of being powerless as I grew up with a domineering, scary and emotionally/physically abusive mum.

@Hemlocked I guess whether I think they're entitled would depend on what the managers concerns were and whether they were valid. You have to think of your team too. For example if someone wants to work 5am until 1pm rather than 9-5 and they believe they are getting all their work done in that time, but they're not thinking about who answers their phone or email from 1 until 5, or that they miss lots of meetings, then that is entitled as it impacts on everyone else.
Ditto working from home, 'I get all my work' done is well and fine but you're not in the office to see the bigger picture or support the new starters etc.

I definitely manage someone like this. It's so difficult. How are your managers supposed to do their jobs?
Why should you be treated differently?
Honest question.

I think it’s normal to an extent - people range from loving authority to loathing and most of us are somewhere in between. I hate stupid rules and willl break them if I can - small acts of rebellion if you like. I am fundamentally law abiding as most laws make sense to me eg don’t drink and drive or seatbelts

I am ok with managers as they are paid to make those decisions and I might say that I dont agree but it’s their call. I think you would do well setting up your own business!

Just don't park illegally?
Honestly how can you be bothered with the palaver?
I get questing a charge if it's incorrect in some way, but they are mostly there for a reason.

@TheFirstTimeEverISawYourFace it's not being treated different, it's not accepting 'those are the rules' if they can't be backed up with a logical reason. It's the way all employees should be treated. No one is too lowly to question why things work the way they do, especially if you're putting your blood and sweat into a job.

Yup, this is me. I’m better self employed than employed, but obviously there can be iterations of this in every aspect of life. Diagnosed with autism at 38.

I play the game, keep my thoughts to myself they give me money. That's how it works.

Apart from parking charges, when else do you ever get sent a huge bill for almost no reason with no justification? An example, a supermarket by me is closed from 4pm on a Sunday. You cannot park for longer than 45 minutes on a Sunday after 4pm. So I unfortunately spent too long in the park, got a ticket, couldn't pay it, asked for a payment plan, no payment plan. It has to go to bailiffs who then can offer a payment plan if I pay £210 rather than 60. No one was hurt. The car park was not in use. It's a huge fine for essentially a small slip up.
If loan sharks are illegal, why is this allowed?

But the guidelines of using the parking space are generally clear on a sign in the car park.
There IS a level of arrogance in feeling entitled to more time in the space than is granted.
Can you not think about it in the context of how it impacts on others - if everyone decided to just stay 10 min longer in the carpark there would probably be people unable to park at some point.
Instead of feeling annoyed at the injustice you perceive in the size of the fines why not focus on just not getting a fine in the first place, set a reminder on your phone to move your car within the permitted time!

@Sunnysideup4eva the car park was empty! The shop wasn't even open!!

No. I think learning to accept authority is part of growing up like learning delayed gratification. I will only appeal a parking ticket if I think I shouldn't have been given one. Usually it's more a case of me having gambled on getting away with it and having lost so I pay up. Being able to be assertive with people in authority without getting aggressive and stroppy is part of learning to get on with people. Sometimes you need a hierarchy to get things done or there would just be endless meetings and I hate meetings more than just getting on with a job.

This perfectly describes my ex /sacked from numerous jobs - high powered exec in airlines - hired because he is an expert at starting airlines, but inevitably falls out with the boss as he just hates accepting authority. Even when he took a temp job in a pub, he refused to wear the mandated blue shirt and insisted (for no reason) to wear white -and got sacked…
Going off now to Google PDA😂

Don’t overstay on the parking and find something more worthwhile to inconvenience yourself about. Give what you save on notional fines to charity, for example.
Accept that other people’s logic may not align with yours, perhaps for reasons you don’t fully understand. If something really is wrong, find ways to make things better without getting angry or being obstructive, if possible.

You agreed to those conditions when you parked in the space, the signage will have indicated how long you could park for.
Im guessing you just thought you'd probably get away with it.

The point is, it's meant to act as a deterrent - it wasn't an issue this time, but if they don't fine people they'll get people thinking it's ok to park there overnight on a long car journey, or just leave their car there long periods of time.

If they hadn't fined you, you'd just do it again, because the info on the sign didn't stop you this time.

Bet you won't park there longer than 45 min again though will you - the thought of the fine will stop you.

Irrelevant, if the rules were clearly displayed.

It will be to deter people parking there for eg overnight, or travelling communities stopping there.
Doesn't matter if there was space, the sign said you can't park there more than 45 min - so why did you?

This is one of the issues I have with things like 'gentle parenting' - it's leads to people feeling they are owed an explanation, a reason for why something is the way it is, they can't just be told no.
OP you need to ask yourself why you feel entitled to an explanation, a justification for why you can't have your own way. Maybe you just can't, that's life, we don't always get our own way and sometimes there isn't a good reason.

I think I'm fie with rules and processes that make sense, and struggle with ones that don't.
There is a task at work where two different people collect items that then go to the same place. I can't understand why they both or one of them can't get all of the items and move them. Sorting them out in one place for them to be put together again in another place makes no sense to me.

Also there are members of the team who are great at tasks, but manager likes to move people about. leads to mistakes and confusion when people are not sure/experienced in new task.

Some supermarkets do this to prevent antisocial behaviour including car meets and races round the local area.

As well as preventing long term parking while people get trains or buses from near by. The car parks are for their customers, not other users.

The land is also privately owned, so they are completely within their rights so set fines as they wish and for what hours.

@Sunnysideup4eva the problem with this country is that we find more things wrong with someone homeless sleeping in a van in an unused car park than we do massively profit hungry companies penalising every day people for making mistakes.
I completely get nurseries charging for late pick ups, charging for missed appointments etc. But these fines benefit no one and make no difference to the world except to make it worse and harder for people trying to get by.
I'm not bringing my child into it, but once my child was having an extreme meltdown in a shop and I could not get her out, she has additional needs. I wrote to the company immediately, with letter from a medical practitioner which states her needs and covers the meltdowns. They don't give a shit, they don't show any kindness or leniency.

Why do you need a reason. Maybe your manager wants the team to move about so everyone gets experienced in all tasks rather than just staying in their comfort zone on the task they like.
Fundamentally though it doesn't matter - they are the manager so they decide. If you think you know better become the manager

It sounds exhausting (both for them and everyone else)! I dread people like this in the workplace. I assume it comes from a low self-esteem that they are trying to bolster and it’s gone a bit far?

Oh I love this thread!

@UpsideDownChairs : "even down to absolutely hating mugs that say 'tea' or jars that tell me what I should be putting in them...."

This really made me laugh!

But actually most of the examples are related in some way to social justice.... which I think is interesting. They say that most people who create real positive change in the world have a high degree of 'unreasonableness'.... the willingness to stick their neck out, non comply, say no, argue the system and insist something shouldn't be the way it is, regardless of how many people say "that's the rule"..... so rock on!