Does anyone else struggle with authority?

[Flowersinthehood]

Not as in 'end up in a riot van' struggle!
I suppose I've never liked being told what to do. I have struggled with employers over the years as there's sometimes no logic in their decision making at times. But I've never been sacked as I'm a really hard worker, and I pick things up quickly. Actually I forgot I was sacked for not following the rules in a call centre.
Yesterday I had a bit of a run in with my manager. I wanted them to let me finish off something but it had to be passed on to someone else, as is the protocol. I asked if I could just have one week more on it, and she said well that is not your decision to make. I do get that, but that sort of saying or message just makes me feel pure rage.
And I don't know where that rage comes from.
It's a bit like parking tickets. I just will not pay them. I call up and I appeal each one and it ends up going to court but it's like I can't surrender as I just don't agree with the money grabbing nature of it.
Yet I'm not like this with friends and family, I'm always described as laid back. I never complain in restaurants or scrimp on tips. I will do anything for anyone, if I see the point.
I comply with school rules for my children and speak to teachers with respect.
But when I was at school one year they had to set up a separate classroom and I would do all my work in there, as I couldn't be told what to do. I did all my work and got good grades but I needed to be the one to direct myself.
Does anyone else feel similar? I'm not autistic as far as I'm aware. I am kind of demand avoidant and I can't cope if I know people don't like me. It eats me away inside. I am not dominant in relationships. It's more institutional or work place stuff I struggle with.

"Just a different role" is a good way of looking at it.

I get the not liking people telling you to do things but, as someone with a role where getting people to do things, it's downright annoying when it looks they're not doing things out of bloody mindedness rather than because they don't have time or some other valid reasons.

If everyone had that approach nothing would work.

Why did you write to the shop because your child had a meltdown?!

I’ve only struggled with authority when I’ve had shit managers at work.

I just can’t respect incompetent managers, they get paid more & are often lazy, relying on stronger members of the team to make them look good.
I try my best to hide my distain & remain professional, but it can be hard.

I’ve worked with lots of brilliant managers too, but definitely had my fair share of the shit ones who just talk the talk (great bullshitters) but do little else. They all get found out, eventually.

Can you not pick them up and just walk out with them. I always just picked mine up screaming/kicking or not, and walked out with them. I could still pick my child up aged 8 or 9, how old is your child?

Everyone knows there are a million stupid rules around. It's just the way it is.
You either try and change the rules or just get on with it if it doesn't affect your health or wellbeing of those around you.
It seems like such a waste of your energy to get so annoyed or argue about such small things. This makes you remember the incidents decades later! So even more energy wasted on something you can do nothing about anyway. It's not worth it, doesn't achieve anything for you or anyone else.

Yes, stupid parking ticket rules are very annoying but if you don't like them just follow the stupid rules, saves you time, money and energy. Or buy the parking lot and park for free for however long you want. Parking is a business. I loathe paying for parking tickets and, on a couple of occasions, I did feel the whole thing was so unjust. But I don't get angry about it.

Look at the positives: at least you don't have to live under an authoritarian regime or you're not in the military. You'd have a much harder time of it.

Start your own business OP. There are rules and regulations there as well but you won't have a manager/ boss. And you'd feel more empowered (because you will be).

But we don't do this with children anymore, do we? When a children asks 'why?' we don't just say 'because that's the way it is because I say so'. We give children the reason and the rationale for why we act the way we do, or why we need them to comply with rules, so that they understand why they should do it when we're not there?
That's why the world is progressing.
I tell my children why they have to do everything I expect them to do, even if they don't understand it, I owe them that explanation. So managers owe us the same.

Sorry OP but you sound like an absolute nightmare.

I mean come on if you are getting so many parking fines you are THIS het up about them, that's a you issue.
An odd parking fine is just one of those things, but it sounds like you get a lot of them, and you really need to look at yourself at why that is. If your issue is following rules, park in unrestricted car parks, take the bus instead, or park in car parks where you just pay for however long you have used before leaving.

@Sunnysideup4eva she's nine and no I could not pick her up. She would bite me.

Also there are members of the team who are great at tasks, but manager likes to move people about. leads to mistakes and confusion when people are not sure/experienced in new task.

Making sure that a number of people are able to carry out essential tasks is a good idea as it means that operations can continue if the person who usually carries them out is absent. A good manager will try to ensure that such training/experience is properly delivered and monitored and it’s one of those things where the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, if done well.

A good rule of thumb is to ask why things are done in a specific way. There’s usually a good reason, though it may now be redundant, and asking about it sensibly may result in change.

@landobroken I probably am tbf

Um, I do? Sometimes I absolutely tell my children it's because I say so?!

You really don't always owe them the explanation. They are children. You aren't doing them any favours letting them feel they must always be given a reason.
I tell my kids that when they are in the working world sometimes they will just need to accept something without being a reason so they need to get used to it now!!!

@Sunnysideup4eva we obviously have different outlooks on parenting.

I am similar in the sense I do not see myself as below anyone, I do respect authority if what they are doing make sense to me and if they are kind and treat everyone with respect then I show that same respect back but I cannot stand hierarchy where people treat you as 'below" them or everybody has to 'change themselves' in some way because the MD has walked in to the room.

How's your method working out for you?

Your own need for explanations/justifications all the time is actually causing you problems, now, as an adult. Don't repeat that with your kids or they'll end up the same, getting cross at the 'unreasonable' car parking rules or their boss asking them to do something they don't want to do.

I understand you OP and feel much the same. I think it is an ego thing really.

Most people pick their battles op.
I really can't be arsed to spend time writing letters or going to court over such everyday things.

As a manager, I will discuss situations with my staff and sincerely take on board their opinions. But on some occasions I'm the person who needs to make the decision. That's my job. My staff are adults not children, and they beed to understand that. Most of them do. Apart from the odd one who wants to argue about everything. This makes them a massive pain in the arse to work with.
Not a team player. Difficult.

Is it worth it?

I will absolutely argue with my local council for something like, protecting an area of wildlife from development. But every single decision my boss makes? No. I don't want to be the person they hate having to work with.

No. They don't. They're not your parents.

I am exactly the same, both original OP and a lot of previous posters particularly about doing well at school but choosing how to do that and having parents that weren’t strict.
i do try to work on myself to be less like this particularly in a work environment as it rubs people up the wrong way but it’s not easy as it’s so ingrained!

Just to add I don’t think I’m better than everyone or that the rules don’t apply to me - I just think that everyone else is on the same footing as me and if rules are silly then no one should follow those particular rules, not just me! I also don’t think this applies to all rules, only silly ones (but I admit that I use my definition of what is silly - but I am also more than happy to be told why something is the way it is, it’s when people can’t that I tend to have an issue and everyone is just acting in a way because ‚that’s how it is‘).

This is me. If I understand I'm voluntarily in a hierarchy and my boss tells me to do something I'll just do it, but if they stack up loads of demands which I think are wrong I'll (in a considered way) leave.

Other people can go whistle if they want me to do something I think is wrong/unnecessary or even just unexplained. I will do all sorts of things to preserve friendships or help people out though - which I reckon is a very valid reason.

A silly example is being at a concert and the person on stage tells everyone to put their hands in the air. I'm just like, NO, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! And I can't bring myself to do it despite knowing it's daft.

I've found that I need a job where I'm helping people and have a good level of autonomy. Teaching used to be like that but there's such a lack of autonomy now and so many things you're expected to do that you know are not good for the kids that I left. I now do adult education.

Sounds like a massive ego to be brutally honest, that and entitlement, you don't believe rules you dont like should apply to you. I managed someone like you, it nearly broke me, and thank god we were able to move her on.

I’m interested in how you managed to get an A in English Lit (assuming it was Eng. Lit) if you hadn’t read any of the set books!

Massively.

And if I didn’t reign myself in and bite my tongue on an hourly basis, I would have been in that riot van long ago. It’s the reason I have no social media.
i would have been arrested for some made up hate crime by now.

Although the older I get; the more I lose and the less I have left to lose the fewer fucks so give, so give me time.

What about ODD which normally goes with ADHD.