Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

413 replies

TobyChestnut · 06/03/2025 23:25

Close friend’s son getting married in a city a few hours away and we have received an invitation to the ceremony at 11.45am but not to the meal/speeches part which is after the ceremony. We are then invited to the evening at 7pm. All three parts are at the same venue. No accommodation at the venue other than for their immediate family so we have booked 2 x Premier Inn rooms for us and our 17 and 19 year old children about 6 miles away.

Felt obliged to accept both parts of the invitation despite the void in the middle as assumed that they wanted us to see them get married but couldn’t afford for more than a small number for the meal.

Was wondering what to do to fill 5- 6 hour gap between the two parts as the premier inn room not available until later and also because we will have had to get dressed up for the Ceremony so will be in our finery, hair done etc which we’d also want for the evening.

I’ve now just been told that there are 50 people at the meal/speeches part (I had assumed it was a small gathering for a dozen or so) and a further 100 who like us are invited to the other two parts. Also that the Ceremony isn’t the actually wedding as the venue isn’t licensed so they are having a civil ceremony elsewhere the day before (with families in attendance).

AIBU to think that this is an unfair ask but to feel uncomfortable saying so to my close friend? Wish they had just invited anyone not in the select 50 to the evening then we could use the day to travel, get ready at the premier inn and go to the evening part. Really don’t want to cause bad feeling as we have been friends for 40 years.

OP posts:
Stopsnowing · 06/03/2025 23:27

I had the same once. It is annoying but just find somewhere nice to eat or watch a film or something

NotVeryFunny · 06/03/2025 23:28

They haven't really thought that one through or considered their guests have they?!? Bloody hell. But you obviously have accepted and want to go. It's a city so there should be plenty of things to do while dressed up for a few hours. But you probably need to tell us what the city is to get some ideas!!

Turneresque · 06/03/2025 23:28

I think I’d just say we can only make the evening party.

BlondiePortz · 06/03/2025 23:30

Turneresque · 06/03/2025 23:28

I think I’d just say we can only make the evening party.

Yes this, or one part no offense but I happy not to go if it has to be some epic day event thing

CanOfMangoTango · 06/03/2025 23:33

I had the same once too but misread the invitation, assumed we were invited to the whole thing and only realised the night before.

Me and DH palled up with a bunch of other rejects after the ceremony, found a curry house down the road, got taxis in all our finery, had a good lunch. Then found the pub next door was having a beer festival. I think the pub was very bemused by us all turning up but we basically drank the place dry and by the time it got to 7pm we couldn't be arsed with the evening do.

We did go, but it was boring and all the tables and chairs were occupied by the day guests so we left after an hour.

Original poster
TobyChestnut · 06/03/2025 23:35

NotVeryFunny · 06/03/2025 23:28

They haven't really thought that one through or considered their guests have they?!? Bloody hell. But you obviously have accepted and want to go. It's a city so there should be plenty of things to do while dressed up for a few hours. But you probably need to tell us what the city is to get some ideas!!

It’s 20 minute drive from Leicester so not in the city just near.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 06/03/2025 23:38

I wouldn’t go to both parts so would go to either the ceremony or evening do. But honestly I probably wouldn’t go at all

Catwoman8 · 06/03/2025 23:38

I would only attend the evening doo, it's too much messing about to being going back and forth.

TartanMammy · 06/03/2025 23:42

I had a similar invite once and declined because I thought it was really bloody rude. If you're expecting someone to travel to a wedding,.pay for hotel, outfits, gifts etc the very least you can do is feed them! Not tell them to bugger off for 5 hours and entertain themselves while the other guests get a lovely weddint meal.

RickiRaccoon · 06/03/2025 23:42

To me that's a mix of poor planning, stinginess and not considering your guests at all. I'd just skip the ceremony since it's not even a real ceremony and it doesn't cost them anything to have a few seats empty for that. They clearly aren't that worried about inclusion and attendance if they're inviting different people to different parts.

beetr00 · 06/03/2025 23:45

@TobyChestnut

"I’ve now just been told that there are 50 people at the meal/speeches part"

That is not really a big gathering when you factor in grandparents, siblings and their partners?

I expect you've been 40 year friends with the parents of the groom?

Original poster
TobyChestnut · 06/03/2025 23:48

beetr00 · 06/03/2025 23:45

@TobyChestnut

"I’ve now just been told that there are 50 people at the meal/speeches part"

That is not really a big gathering when you factor in grandparents, siblings and their partners?

I expect you've been 40 year friends with the parents of the groom?

Apologies I wasn’t intending that to sound as if we’ve been friends for 40 years so we should be invited to the meal. It was intended to convey we have been friends for 40 years so I don’t want to bust the friendship by explaining we would prefer to go to either the ceremony or the evening rather than both.

OP posts:
MistyMountainTop · 06/03/2025 23:49

If it's to the north of Leicester you could spend the afternoon on a steam train at the Great Central Railway

Original poster
TobyChestnut · 06/03/2025 23:51

MistyMountainTop · 06/03/2025 23:49

If it's to the north of Leicester you could spend the afternoon on a steam train at the Great Central Railway

In our wedding finery and hair done (which we need to keep looking good for the evening)? Happily spend an afternoon doing that in my jeans if I wasn’t going back to a Wedding afterwards.

OP posts:
sSssssssssssssOOO · 06/03/2025 23:53

I wouldn't do this myself but I think it's ok to do. It's an invitation, you shouldn't have accepted if you didn't want to go. That's really daft.

You can surely find something to do in the gap time. You could go to a movie, go for a meal, do an escape room. Take a change of clothes and think of something.

If I turned down an invitation like that and the host was pissed off with me then I really wouldn't care. If they are the type of person to be pissed off with me then they aren't a proper friend.

It's not even your friend who is getting married it's their kid.

Chocolate85 · 06/03/2025 23:57

I’d skip the ceremony and just go to the evening do. Have a nice day and then get ready for the evening.

LadyQuackBeth · 07/03/2025 00:00

I've been to weddings like this, there must be some people from the 100 in the same position who you'd like to go for a lovely meal with and catch up with, just have a parallel meal, but without speeches!

Also, the hotel might let you in earlier if you ask. It sounds like you are asking permission not to go to the ceremony. If that's the case, just own it, but it does turn a day out into an evening only, is that really better?

OneFineDay13 · 07/03/2025 00:02

TartanMammy · 06/03/2025 23:42

I had a similar invite once and declined because I thought it was really bloody rude. If you're expecting someone to travel to a wedding,.pay for hotel, outfits, gifts etc the very least you can do is feed them! Not tell them to bugger off for 5 hours and entertain themselves while the other guests get a lovely weddint meal.

Exactly this.
Nobody I know would have the audacity to do this. Bugger that for a game of soldiers.

OneFineDay13 · 07/03/2025 00:03

MistyMountainTop · 06/03/2025 23:49

If it's to the north of Leicester you could spend the afternoon on a steam train at the Great Central Railway

In all there finery 🤣

Isthisreasonable · 07/03/2025 00:09

Sounds like the worst wedding I've ever been to, apart from it not being clear that the evening guests were expected to attend the ceremony then make themselves scarce for 7 hours before going to the venue (20 miles away) to join in for the evening.

None of the evening guests had gone to the ceremony and the bride was seething about it. They had apparently booked a large church which needed the evening guests to fill it out. The wedding breakfast overran by some distance and we had to wait in a corridor until they had finished. The groom came out at one point and gave us a bollocking for upsetting the bride. Once inside there was no additional seating for the evening guests so you couldn't join the day guests at their tables.

None of the evening guests stayed more than an hour. It was clear no thought had been given to what it would be like to attend for the evening guests. It would have been much better to have just gone to the ceremony where the bride needed the numbers and then left them to it.

In OP's shoes if there wasn't some other people going that you could fill the time in with, I'd go to the part that you would enjoy best and give your apologies for not attending the other part. I'd rather go to the ceremony and then head home but you might prefer arriving at check in time, getting ready and then going to the evening reception, bearing in mind that they rarely admit the evening guests on time.

YourAgileJadeHam · 07/03/2025 00:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Frozensun · 07/03/2025 00:19

Although you’ve been friends for 40 years, it sounds like you (and the family) have been invited because you & the parent are friends. Weddings are expensive and I can understand limiting the wedding breakfast. But, for me, I don’t do the hanging around for hours. As other people have said, it can be hard to join in with a group that have been celebrating for hours. If it were me, I’d say that I’m so excited to see him married and that I’m looking forward to the ceremony but regretfully won’t be able to stay around for the evening do.

crockofshite · 07/03/2025 00:19

Check with the hotel if at least one of the rooms is available for early check in.

Otherwise take a change of clothes in the car and change in the loos.

Though personally I wouldn't bother with the evening do. It's so rude and inconsiderate to guests for hosts to pull this shit.

KrisAkabusi · 07/03/2025 00:22

If there's 100 others in the same situation, why don't you all go off to the pub together? Have your own party until the official party. It could happen naturally anyway as you leave the venue.

strawlight · 07/03/2025 00:28

I’d cancel the hotel rooms and just go for the ceremony then go home. Unless they’re friends who you’d usually do drinking and dancing with, in which case I’d go to the night do. Not both though, the gap is ridiculous!

Swipe left for the next trending thread