To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

Depends.

Are you emailing things like

"This document is shit. Improve it over the weekend or I'll sack you on Monday"

If so they may have a point.

I’m with you.

You should move to Germany. Or Denmark. They’re much more direct.

Being pleasant and not blunt is definitely preferable to being "polite and professional" Your last paragraph speaks volumes about your approach to things. I'm glad you've been given this feedback, it sounds like it is much needed.

I find brisk, overly direct emails quite rude and intimidating so yes, I’d be inclined to agree that the feedback is valid. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal for you to write in a more polite manner?

It’s got absolutely 0 to do with policing women!

I think it does depend on the nature of your work/what kind of emails you are sending.

Sometimes I receive emails that are asking for additional things that I could be helpful with, but the tone doesn’t make me inclined to give much more than the basics back.

It could absolutely be a scenario where woman = be nice, which does piss me off.

Who have you the feedback?

Are you not flowery enough for a woman? I bet no man has ever had advice to make his emails more flowery!

Can you give an example of how you word your emails.

We're going to need an example

There's a big area between brusque and flowery.

I hate brusque emails. The sender definitely doesn't get the best out of me.

But then some people do lack people skills.

I can't imagine any man ever being told his emails need to be softer and more flowery!

Well it obviously depends on what your emails are like, and your industry. But in general I think it's good to treat the people we work with like humans, and add a bit of politeness to communications, it oils the wheels. Trying to work together on tasks inevitably causes conflict sometimes, a bit of general niceness helps balance that out.

I get told this too. I put it into Gemini and say Gemini make this friendlier please and it warms it right up

I have a colleague who sends me emails like:

Why have you done this? [link]

or

Why isn't this in [place she expected it to be in her own mind]? Move it please.

Just that. Literally, these barked orders all day. Is this what you mean by polite and professional? I find it awful. I've quit my job (not solely due to this but this is part of it). And no, she's not my boss!

'Flowery' is a bad word. But one does have to work harder to make the written word sound polite, so maybe your 'tone' could be better, who knows. I also think we need an example!

It is certainly a way that women are policed at work.

People don’t even notice they are doing it - but the same thing said / written my a man is often described in a different way.

Also - the more senior you get the less time people waste on pointless flowery faff - who has time to read that / wade through looking for the point.

Yet - my caveat when getting any feedback is - “if this was true, is there anything I would change and would it make what I do easier / more impactful” as in the end - it may be one person you need to write fluff for, and everyone else who is fine

I've never heard the term 'flowery' being applied to this sort of thing anyway.

'Softer' definitely but not flowery.

And some of my male colleagues have been warned to take a softer approach with some staff members.

I would be asking them for an example of an email from a (ideally male) colleague that you should be aiming to replicate. Them see how flowery you are suddenly expected to be.

It depends. Direct is fine. Emails With a Tone are absolutely infuriating to receive. I'd need to see some examples.

It was a senior colleague who gave the feedback though, not my direct manager. I completely get that tone can impact how people respond but I’m always polite and professional - just not overly flowery. It’s frustrating because I feel like clear, concise emails should be the norm, but I can’t help wondering if there’s a gendered aspect to this too.

I get you OP. I hate fluff and insincere,
"hope you are well" bollocks

It's work, get to the point and don't waste time with unnecessary words.

If you want to make it a gendered aspect that's your prerogative.

But being too direct with anyone in emails can piss people off and lead to them not doing their best for you.

It's a good job I'm self-employed these days as my first email after such a request might well look like:

Ooh, don't the roses look pretty.

It won't be possible by Thursday.

Look, a butterfly

I just recently took a training at work on communication and it was very clear that your email should be concise and to the point. They're supposed to be polite, for instance, you should say "good morning" or "good afternoon" or whatever, and then whatever the body of the email is and then "thank you" at the end. But not a lot of extra stuff.

I disagree because I've had similar feedback to the OP, and I feel pretty certain a male wouldn't received this sort of comment in the workplace.

possibly this person is a sexist dickhead

If not this is probably advice about the impression you give of your feelings towards other people. I have a couple of colleagues who regularly reply to emails with things like “OK” or “That works” and it does give the impression that they are mildly pissed off or that they dislike the person they’re emailing. They don’t, it’s just their style but I’d be happy if they changed it.