To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

I think you’re probably right but I think they should do tbh

I dislike the insincere enquiry too.

Im direct and prefer receiving directness back. There is a line though.

I find this kind of attitude though can make me inclined to give very blunt responses, particularly when someone is asking for me to go out of my way to explain something/assist them, usually something that has already been explained to them once before.

It’s tricky to advise without examples though.

I had this feedback in my first real job, it completely baffled me at the time. I now realise I might be neurodiverse and the social etiquette sometimes eludes me. Why wouldn't I just be direct and say what I need to say? I didn't understand what I needed to do differently.

Since then I've tried a lot harder to make my communication more friendly, and actually been complimented on my ability to word things well. More recently chat gpt has been a complete game changer!

No, that’s definitely not how I write my emails! I always say “Hi [Name]” and “Thanks” where appropriate. I just keep things to the point rather than adding unnecessary fluff. For example, instead of “Would you be so kind as to take a look at this when you have a moment? No rush at all, whenever works for you!” I’d say something like “Could you take a look at this when you get a chance? Thanks!” Still polite, just not overly flowery.

I'm direct but polite. Ask your manager for a template e-mail of what is expected. It may just be a change in salutation at either end in which case you can change your e-mail and make the information in the middle as you usually would.

That's annoying.

I too write emails that are both polite and direct and I inferred that my then (young, female) boss found them a bit too direct.

Example- I would write, 'Hi Colleague. Please could you fill out the attached list and return by close of day? Best Regards, Beady.

Boss would write, 'Hi Colleague. Just a note to ask that if you have a spare minute, if you could please fill out the attached list and send it back to me when you get the chance? If there are any problems please let me know. Thanks a million!!!! Boss :)

I was taught (and think) that 'flowery' emails and using apologetic terms like 'just' are juvenile. Also, for good or bad, they're very gendered as men (in general) don't write like that. And I would imagine that men don't get called up on not being 'flowery' either.

I have to consciously think about fluffing mine up before I send. Every time.

I might write something like

"When are you going to send the report?"

And then I have to edit afterwards with

"Dear xxx

I hope you had a lovely weekend.

I was just wondering when you might be able to get that report to me, it would be very helpful if I could get it by Friday if that would be ok?

Thanks for your support with this.

Best wishes

Xxx"

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Occasionally I forget the fluff and then have to send a quick email saying 'sorry, sent before I finished typing, what I meant was ......'

It would be so much more time efficient if we could just cut the crap! I know it sounds mean but quite frankly I don't give a shit how my colleagues weekend was and they don't care about mine so I wish we didn't have to ask all the time! Or tell them how much we hope they had a nice week/weekend/holiday etc... Just send the bloody report! ... Grrrrrr!!!

I find our male managers far more polite and well mannered in general. Female managers often make a point of being tougher & less pleasant to make up for the gender gap - it’s all a bit cringeworthy.

I agree some people could do with being softer but flowery - no. I think there’s a place where direct is not polite - and when you get feedback suggesting you are in that place maybe it’s something you should consider.

When I need to be super fluffy or ultra diplomatic I get a colleague to review and usually heavily amend my draft 🤣

I may give chat GPT a go.

I cannot stand emails that are proloxic I just want bullet points of what is required & when so much more efficient.

Do you think your boss objected to you directing the timeline?

Receiving this fluffed up email would annoy me to no end. Also, I would be tempted to say "no, it's not OK" as it lacks any sense of urgency. The first version is also no good. There has to be a middle ground... "Hi (name). Could you please kindly send me the report by Friday. Best Wishes (your name).

Maybe you just need to use please and thank you.

If you want a time for a. Action to be done explain it, eg I need it by first thing Friday rather than i want it on my desk on Friday.

Hmmmm are you working for a primarily US based corporation.

Having moved from predominantly EU based colleagues to now working with US based colleagues there is a huge difference. In EU we are polite, respectful and clear with what's needed but theres little fluff. In US it's mainly fluff with a request in there somewhere. Same in meetings. It's taken some getting used to!

Ha, I'm quite a flowery email writer ( or poster) - I feel taken aback when someone posts like 3 word responses . The poster who mentioned Germany and Denmark is correct - same with Netherlands - very 'to the point' - it can come across to Brits as rude- it's finding the happy medium

I value my colleagues/clients time. As such I respect them enough not to waste it with effusive or flowery emails. I am polite, but direct and succinct with the information they need. I've had more than one person remark that they appreciate it.

Yanbu. I really like polite, concise emails. Saves me skimming through shite to find the point of the email.

I'm similar to you OP and have heard similar. I think as long as we are not rude it shouldn't matter if we are direct.

Flowery is a strange and hard to understand comment. Work emails don’t need to be flowery it’s not a novel.

I complained last year when a male colleague showed no interest in my ongoing long term project rattled off a last minute a list of ‘change this do this don’t do that’ in a email for something I’d worked hard on and was overall an excellent piece of work. He apologised and since has always put some appreciation in there too.

All that’s needed sometimes from whoever is sending the email is a shit sandwich - Hi XXX hope you’re having a good week. This looks great, especially the XYZ. Here are the points to address: list all the points here.
keep up the great work,
best wishes XXXX

If they want anything beyond this kind of ‘flowery’ then that sounds like a waste of work time tbh!

That's mental. I've asked so many of my team over the years to CUT the indirect shite and niceties and politely get to the point. If your emails are polite, clear and useful your colleagues surely can't complain.

I'm guilty of brusque emails having worked with Solicitors in the past, I do end up being a little too formal in my emails for the various industries I've worked since and have learned to soften it a bit, especially when I think the paperwork is wrong and needs a correction.

I hate long waffly emails, particularly those that wish me well/ hope I'm well, it automatically screams scammer. The only time I go off work topic is before / after Xmas, wishing a good Xmas/ hope they had a good Xmas ( only if I know them and usually if I'm asking a favour at a busy time).

I prefer to receive (and send) polite and concise emails promptly where I can get all the information on a quick scan without too many attachments.

Thankfully I don't send too many emails these days and I receive more spam or cc'd in non relevant chains than actual work emails.

I used to work with someone who'd previously been trained in writing legal guidance.

They always stood by the idea that you should write to inform, not to impress.

Really depends on the audience.

If I was emailing someone at my level and we were collaborating on something I would be direct and strip out pleasantries as there is likely a back and forth

If I was emailing a wider team to ask them to do something but I don't really have a rapport with them, I would be fluffy as you need people to buy in to you to influence them and that comes from the perception that you are nice and not asserting authority

If I was emailing higher up, I would be polite at the beginning and end but bullet point in the middle as they don't have time for war and peace

I'd be fine with such emails as you describe. Sounds like it's probably not you, OP.

Gmail will add stuff for you if you turn it on. It can add things like "Thanks so much - you're the best!" or "I really appreciate this, $name!" and you just press tab to accept. Might be worth it if you're getting this feedback, just to keep things smooth at work.