To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

I think too much of the 'warmth' can across as insincere, passive-aggressive or even veer into toxic positivity.
It's a very fine line.
When written correspondence used to be the norm, emails were meant to be brief and little more than bullet points. Anything longer meant a typed letter was the thing to do.
Obviously, things have moved on but I find the relentless and formulaic 'I hope you are wells' meaningless and aggravating in the end.

Sorry wrong post quoted.

I've had lots of emails like this from men.

Previously a PA to top honcho and blunt emails were the name of the game generally.

Where do you work and who told you to flower it up?

Agree entirely, polite and to the point best way to go. 👌

I would agree with that, it's what I tend to do myself.
Also, if it's an email with multiple instructions, I use bullet points to express these rather than a series of paragraphs, to keep it clearer for the reader.
No flowers though 😉

Some people like different communication styles. Personally I detest long, flowery emails. I used to have someone report into me who would write 3 paragraphs when a short list of bullet points was what was needed and I would be bored and switch off after first paragraph..but apparently I am a 'top liner' who doesn't need lots of flowery detail!

Communication styles vary a LOT within any company...maybe your company need to do something like Myers Brigg ? Where they look at personality types and communication styles. It's super interesting...

Oh God no to flowery emails. I want to get through my workload, not cultivate penpals.

Mine are polite and direct. Nobody has ever complained as I'm quite friendly in person. The more I know and get on with someone, the more direct they are. I report to the ceo and he just gets a few words, no greeting. If I ever asked how he was or signed anything with kind regards he'd think I'd been hacked.

We have a new chap who is a flowery office email writer. One today another toilet rolls began "greetings and salutations to my esteemed colleagues..!" I scan and delete. Incredibly irritating. I know his line manager has mentioned it.

As a senior manager I tell everyone the communications must be concise and purposeful with no waffle, fluff, padding out or flowery language. Especially so if reporting upwards. It's a key skill which is valuable for everyone.

I think of extra fluffiness as helping to make you more persuasive - engaging people's 'well how can you say no to that' type thinking. That's maybe less important when communicating internally but there are advantages in being the one nobody wants to let down. But if you're doing it from this perspective your fluffiness needs to be authentically you. Don't try to copy somebody else's style - it'll feel wrong to you and won't work - let a little bit more of you come across in your emails.

I also think, in the context of being a lawyer that does litigation, that we sometimes spend a lot of our time engaged in abrasive correspondence which isn't good for us as the professionals. We can make the same points in shorter sentences and in a friendlier tone without losing anything important.

This is all separate from the potential of the advice being different for you vs male colleagues in a sexist way.

I used to be direct and I've toned it down.

The problem with the written word is it comes across more forcefully and in a more negative tone.

Hence needing to add more fillers to soften the message.

I don't think being reactionary is all that helpful.

For people I work with a lot, emails are very brief and informal.

For people I don't know as well or where the request could be problematic (not on a personal level but eg requesting something from someone in a different department for whom it won't be a priority) I use a standard formula:

Para 1: Short background to make sure they have the necessary context
Para 2: What I'm trying to achieve
Para 3: My request
Para 4: Expectation of timing, and thanks

As few sentences as possible - single sentence paragraphs are fine. But always Please and Many thanks.

The idea is starting with facts sets a neutral tone, and explaining why you need something before you ask for it takes the recipient on the same journey as you so the request is better received. It was something from an effective communication event a long time ago that stuck with me - now I do it automatically.

Your email is fine except it’s missing a please.

I am very direct, I am there to do a job not to be soft with those that cannot stand the heat, stick to what you are doing.

I think the feedback is bollocks I hate when people can’t just get to the point, my days are waaay to busy for “fluff”

I’m with you anything else is just tldr

Just put your version into chatgpt and ask it to soften it.

I love how many people have said a man wouldn't get asked this. Honestly hands down my husband has been told that he needs add extra fluff to his emails. He is direct and to the point. And to be honest so am I. We hate fluff lol honestly no one should have to change their email ways to make someone else feel better.

@DilemmaDelilah - I do think your example is a tricky one though because if I had a colleague who I knew had cancer, I would feel I needed to say something to acknowledge that I knew things might well be really tough for them - and so by saying "I hope you had a good weekend" I would mean it as a way of saying I hope things have been going okay for you – it would feel wrong if somebody was battling with that to not have some acknowledgement of it.

I often end up putting "I hope things are as good as they can be in the circumstances" – but I never know whether that pisses people off as well....

You should begin emails by hoping the recipient is well. You should be polite and cordial throughout. You should not say ‘ you must do’ / instead say ‘I would appreciate it if you would do’. You must close all emails with a gesture of civility and respect such as ‘kind regards….’
This is common good manners. Are you at least doing these essentials?

Why would you hope they were well? It takes up the preview box when that could have been filled with what you actually want from them. It also shouldn't be treated as a genuine question, as that's pretty insulting to somebody who a) isn't well and b) the sender should know that. It's as irritating as 'How are you?' when there is no way that they want the answer to be a description of their medical conditions and how they are affecting the receiver at this precise moment in time.

You might 'appreciate it' but does that mean it's compulsory, or is it an optional thing that the receiver can cheerfully ignore in favour of doing the things other people have asked for in emails written in plain English? Or is this being said as a snarky response to something that's happened previously? Is it actually an order deliberately being worded in this way in the interests of plausible deniability?

Kind Regards isn't anything other than the least worst alternative for emails where Yours sincerely would have been in a typed letter. In many cases, adding an official signoff makes it look as though the intention is to intimidate - or that the sender simply cannot be arsed to remember that they know this person personally and switch the formal signature off for them.

Just stop wasting people's time with fluff and faux interest in their wellbeing, get to the point and stop focusing on inconsequentials, rather than what is actually wanted/needed and the timescale.

That’s just fake and comes across that way

You should begin emails by hoping the recipient is well.

context is everything.

no way would I bother saying I hope you are well to colleagues I deal with on a very regular basis, sometimes on a daily basis. Pointless and daft.

if it's reconnecting with someone I haven't spoken to for ages, then " I hope this finds you well" is appropriate, never as a question, because it doesn't require an answer, nor a medical account of their current ailments.

It actually gives me the rage when a recruitment consultant who I've never met in my life and is stalking me for business starts with a "I hope you are well?" It's the question mark putting an unspoken obligation on me to respond (delete!)

Fucking hell, I can't believe people are still arguing about how to write emails 😂

He must be taking the piss, surely?

I hate hope you are keeping safe and warm - I mean wtf are you my mother and I hate hope you are keeping well during these difficult times.

I hope this finds you well

One former manager of mine uses to write that. On emails with ludicrous deadlines. I always hope it won't find me and iy certainly didn't find me well (emotionally) 😂