To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

Tone in emails is always really hard to judge and sometimes direct but polite can come across the wrong way to some people.

I have a heavily customer facing role, so my emails are mostly filled with "fluff" to build rapport and soften any more negative emails etc.

My other half emails and teams messages had always been internal only and, like you he is polite but direct and he also received feedback that he needed to soften his emails as some people found them negative. There are times when he needs to send something important he will ask me to read over it and "add fluff".

While it can seem like a chore adding things like "I hope you're well" and "have a nice weekend" etc are little things that can just soften the tone!

It sounds like you are coming across too directly- maybe even unfriendly and rude - and have been asked to soften your tone.

you are probably upseting colleagues

"Have a nice weekend"? What, have an extra watery hot chocolate at my cancer appointment on Saturday?

Dh has been told more than once to make his emails more flowery. He's so blunt but I think it's because he sends off 100s of emails a day on time pressured jobs. He's insistent that flowery would slow him down as his brain doesn't work that way. He also struggles with reading flowery emails and disseminating the relevant information from them.

He gets on very well with certain European colleagues though!

I think there's a middle ground of polite but direct.

@BoldBrickDreamer

"For example, instead of “Would you be so kind as to take a look at this when you have a moment? No rush at all, whenever works for you!” I’d say something like “Could you take a look at this when you get a chance? Thanks!” Still polite, just not overly flowery."

I'm not a great fan of too many exclamation marks. Think there's a danger of looking (faux or really) over-excited, or sarcastic.

It's a small thing, but I probably wouldn't say "Thanks!" I'd go for "Thanks for this. "

To some people the exclamation mark could be seen as a bit sarcastic... "it's your bloody job, so I shouldn't have to say thanks for this, but there you go!" Type of thing...

It's actually really interesting how differently people feel on this!

I also get emails from students with zero context. Long polite and quite "flowery" but zero use for actually progressing what they want as it contains no useful facts (like which of the multiple modules at UG and PG level I I teach on their query relates to as a start... )

Boiling it down, it's all about people not putting thought into how it comes across to the recipient and what info the recipient will need / will perceive. If you put that first before pressing send you won't go too far wrong...

Thinking about anything as having a gender-agenda has already put you in my bad books on this OP. Does it involve your genitals? No? Then gender doesn't apply.

Emails should be polite AND COURTEOUS.

1. You should begin with a greeting such as Hi or Dear. The latter should be used for more formal emails in all cases.

1. You should end an email with a polite sign-off. "Many thanks" or "I look forward to your reply" are examples of how I sign off.

1. End with either a formal letter-like Yours sincerely/Yours faithfully or Kind regards/Best regards.

This isn't flowery. It's standard business practice. I used to just write emails that were content based and got hauled into a meeting about it. But that was over twenty years ago when emails were a brand new novelty and emerging into what they are now. Unless you know someone well enough to send an email in the way you send an IM (Is this for Wednesday? Thanks!) you need to use a more formal approach. I would still sign off using my initial if sending this type of email — usually with a x!

(Oh ... And I like formal emails to include all elements of DAFOREST 😂)

Your closing remark suggests you're being tongue-in-cheek, well I hope so anyway...

Thinking about anything as having a gender-agenda has already put you in my bad books on this OP. Does it involve your genitals? No? Then gender doesn't apply.

Lots of things don't involve genitals directly but are a gender issue.
"oh love, car mechanic? Wouldn't you rather do something lovely like make up or hairdressing?"

Of course it's an issue if woman are expected to be all lovely. Or man being all macho. There are also differences between how men and women write generally. The tone, wording etc.

I think you may also have a problem with your modal verbs and speaking in imperative sentences.

Would is vastly polite than could for example. It's common when you're unsure whether someone has time capability to do something but can come across as thinking they're incapable due to a lack of ability or time management.

It needs to be done by Thursday.

Can we get this done by Thursday, please?
Could you get this done by Thursday.
Get this done by Thursday.
Could you get this done by Thursday?
Please get this done by Thursday.
Would you be able to get this done by Thursday please?
You should get this done by Thursday.
This needs to be done by Thursday, please.
Sorry for the short notice, but I need this for Thursday, please. Thanks!

Which are the polite options? Can you hear the difference in tone?

theonion.com/stone-hearted-ice-witch-forgoes-exclamation-point-1819576472/

I don't think flowery, but I do think basic courtesy such as please and thank you should be included.

One piece of flowery language I think should be consigned to history is the 'gentle reminder'. If people cannot meet deadlines, and others do, thank those who have and remind others of the deadline.

I wonder how many people posting are also of the "I don't go to the office to socialise" types but then expect all the social niceties in an email?

I'm with you, OP, you can't always read what you need to in a "flowery" email. The messasge gets lost.

@pelargoniums - I will be changing my name to Stone Hearted Ice Queen forthwith!

😉

I thought the opposite - I wondered how many of these "I write direct to the point emails" also don't want to go into the office. They just don't do human.

Well - humans come in all shapes and sizes … we are not all the same . And we matter too.

We had a development day at work, all about personality types. One thing that stuck was how some like concise, to the point communications and some the more "flowery". We got informed to think about the personality style we were emailing and adjust accordingly. Fuck that. I send what I send. My style IS more on the flowery side, it's who I am. I don't have time to second guess my colleagues. As long as it's not rude, what's the issue?

In there all day, every day. I'm more than capable of doing the hearts and flowers where necessary - which is in person, not when coordinating multiple data streams for a specific statutory purpose and everything has to be correct and on time.

Thing is, for people who just want the info, flowery is rude. It's making them waste their time reading your fluffy to get to the actual point of the email.

The issue is that generally the whole point of an email is (should be?) to communicate so you get someone to do something for you / get the information you need / give the information they need / make a better relationship with someone by saying thanks / asking how they are / acknowledging them as a human being... if you just start with the attitude "fuck that, I'll just do what I do, they can like it or lump it" it rather defeats the main point of sending emails.