To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

Yes, agree with how harsh it sounds with their name as a start to an email. My husband’s pet hate.

The tone of emails is incredibly important. Some people are terrible at it but it is pretty easy to get it right. The ability to work well with others is a skill required in most jobs. Besides pissing people off, these type of emails tend to go to low priority or are completely ignored. So even if you don’t care about how people feel when they receive one, presumably you would like to get things done efficiently.

Brene Brown:

https://youtube.com/shorts/9JomlfOdQ-Y?si=mHrvuc-HJL9d8tmy

Fluffed up emails sound insincere and disingenuous. I can't bear them.

You can be polite and to the point. I think it's who you are as a person to be honest. When I get fluffed up emails from someone who is certainly not 'fluffy' I can see right through it. But a polite and to the point from someone I know well is perfectly acceptable.

Rude is definitely not 'polite and professional' that's a whole other territory.

Sometimes all it takes to soften an email is to say Good morning XXXX - you just need to try and make it a little bit more human and I think the people who like to be direct make you feel like you are not human, you are just a cog in the machine.

Hmm, you see I think that phraseology is impolite and doesn't define any actions. I can take a look at something but why - what response do you want? Also, do you not customarily use the word please? It's very important and I form a view about those who don't. I'm often sent a draft to review and always insert it.

Hi John

I appreciate you are busy, but grateful if you could please take a look at this and provide feedback. No rush, I don't need it before Thursday, 6th March.

Look forward to hearing from you and thanks in advance.

Kind regards
Roses

I’m reminded of this meme…

I'm reminded of the scene in Miranda when her and Stevie have a kind regards exchange - I never use it - I just can't.
But it's better than sincerely and I'm happy to see the end of Dear Madam - I hate being addressed as Madam - Waitrose - please note! <derails thread>

I am also like this!

I am not short or rude but not good at adding those extra phrases that just make stuff sound 'nicer'. The ones where you can make one small point expand to a whole paragraph!

I have been working on this and it is improving - I tend to type my email and then sit back and reword it if it is for someone senior / very visible issue.

I am getting there and they do sound nicer now....

I first encountered "Kind regards" when moving to Australia. Not fond.

At 70 and so writing letters long before email I just transferred the requirements of the letter to the email. The result was more formal, but as a teacher and union rep it served well.

On the whole, Australians are less formal, but I'm buggered if I'd address Mr Frothington as Geoff when he was slagging me off.

From: itShouldn'tHappentomeYet
To: gustavo77
Why be nasty?
Work is work; emails should be to the point, polite and professional.
No need for 'how's the family and the pony? Did you get lot's of holibob piccy's?'
Daft and unnecessary.
Please let me know your availability for your CPD discussion.
Cheers,
Ishtmy

Surely the term flowery itself is incredibly unprofessional. I find it difficult to believe anyone said that, except perhaps as a joke.

The changed email in this is a perfect example of the old NLP shit sandwich. Thank the sender for what they've sent, tell them what needs changing, encourage them to keep up the good work.

I did a communication skills course a few years ago to get my CPD points and was surprised how helpful it was. Now I always, always thank people for work they've done before letting them know what needs changing/fixing/doing when I wouldn't have done before, I'd have just launched in to what needed sorting. I definitely sounded more officious prior to that. People value you being polite and being thanked and appreciated for what they do. Also the world of work has changed significantly in the thirty or so years I've been working and things have definitely softened and become less impersonal.

Add 🌺 to every email…
Seriously, the gender thing would irritate me very much. No male would be asked to make his emails more flowery.
I have scanned your replies and I am still not sure what the problem is. I’d drop the exclamation marks, though.
why can’t you ignore the flowery emails advice?

I’ve been told the same before, and more than once I’ve had a customer say ‘thank you for your concise email’ which I wasn’t sure was really a thank you, but some of my customers (without wanting to sound rude) aren’t very bright, and I find it helps to say exactly what I want from them clearly and if I include fluffy language they don’t understand what is required.

That’s polite but your brief message doesn’t communicate tone. It could be read in various ‘negative’ ways, eg exasperated, annoyed, pissed off at the recipient, criticising, etc etc. Try reading some of the emails you’ve sent objectively. Could they be interpreted as negative, abrupt, irked, etc?

Adding an extra ameliorating sentence or phrase can make all the difference, and doesn’t take much extra time. It keeps things running smoothly, just like in verbal communications.

After saying hello or good morning do you go on to write ‘Hope you had a good weekend’ or ‘Hope your week is going well?’ before asking for something

This can make all the difference and it really doesn’t harm - it barely takes much extra time. They’re paying your wages and asking you to do this during the time they’re paying you, so just do it. It makes others more receptive to responding to your email as a priority over someone far more direct

Just add a " I hope you are well", "I hope you have a nice weekend" or " Merry Christmas" to the emails.

I find the British flowery emails silly too. They say that we Scandinavians are blunt and that it is rude but when you email Brits you have to send three emails on average before they reply ( yes, there was a survey). How the F is that polite?

I had a British coworker who needed an answer about something administrative in Denmark and the email address he had been told by a (British) coworker wasn't correct. I didn't know the correct one either but I found the email for someone unrelated to the original agency who was willing to tell my British coworker everything he needed to know.

The Danish man answered every single question with all necessary information and added some other information that might also be useful. It wasn't his job at all. He didn't even work for the agency my coworker needed to contact. My British coworker knew this. He still complained that the email was blunt because the Danish man hadn't added anything about wishing him well or something like that. (Why the hell would he? They didn't know eachother at all!). I didn't say anything but the pointed silence caused my British coworker to hesitantly add that the Danish man had been very kind and helpful. Yes, he was, you ungrateful git!

I work for an international company and when I write in English to someone I often add something flowery because I don't want to hurt their delicate feelings just in case. At the same time I am aware that Scandinavias, Greeks and Italians find it weird and cringy if you enquire about their families or ask about their weekends if you don't know them. Some people even find it to be creepy or nosy. So it has to be slightly flowery but in a way that indicates that you are only adding that sentence to be polite.

The other thing I've changed is that when I need action from the recipient, I make it clear in the subject, e.g. Please sign: description of what they need to sign. Then in the body of the email briefly explain why it's needed. Transactional emails need to be brief and to the point. People do not read long, involved emails properly. Use of bullet points and emboldening makes things easier to read too.

I work a lot with volunteers and emails to them have to be so carefully worded and flowery FFS it's really annoying 🤣

I am very good at fluff. Because it gets you things.

”Hi Elsie

How was your weekend? Brian from accounts told me you got a lkitten last week! I’m so jealous - have you got a photo?

I know it’s a cheeky ask as the figures aren’t released til next week but I was just wondering if I could possibly have a look at the Q1 stats for a report I’m doing?

Thanks so much,
Taggie”

”Elsie,

We need the Q3 data. Can you share this with us early please as we need it asap.

Thanks
Taggie”

Which do you think is more likely to get you what you want? You don’t need to use it all the time, but fluff is a valuable tool and it’s not to be dismissed. My colleagues are always aghast that I manage to get x crotchety old so and so to answer me, or that y has agreed to our ask. It’s the power of the fluffy email!

I don't enjoy it, but, in the culture of the people I work with (non-UK, non-europe) a little bit of small talk/fluff is necessary or it really jars culturally for them.

So I've had to learn to add it. Not to just cut straight to the point, but do the 'hope you are well' dance.

doesn't come naturally, but I consider it part of my work persona these days.

With people I work with all the time, I relax it and just talk to them, but with everyone else, I paste on my friendliest smile and kick off with small talk (well, the Slack/email version of such)

“ I appreciate you’re busy…”
They should be. They are at work.

Our previous accountant was blunt and direct - not rude but couldn't be accused of being warm. She used as few words as she could get away with - she was hard to work with, and explanations were thin on the ground. We eventually told her boss we didn't enjoy working with her due to her difficult communication style - the joy of paying for a bought-in service is that you can have it with a smile.
Life's too short for dealing with grumpy-sounding accountants.

YANBU. Your email is fine.

Out of interest, I stuck your email into CHATGPT and asked it to make it ‘flowery’; here’s what it came up with:

"When you have a moment, I would truly appreciate it if you could take a look at this. Thank you so much!"

Sounds really passive aggressive / condescending.