Boys going to the gents by themselves what age?

[Khgvnjj]

Ds is turning 7 and increasingly wants to go to the public toilets by himself. I grew up in a household of only women so no experience of this. When sis your boys start going to the gents by themselves? Did you put any caveats in place?

The “accessible toilets” are the large stalls designed to be used by disabled people? (I’m American and it’s not a familiar terminology over here, so it’s possible I’ve misunderstood.)

I think it’s sensible and sensitive for @maryberryslayers to be thinking of both her son’s safety and the privacy of women and girls and trying to balance thise two interests. It sounds like most of the time she’s going to send her son into the men’s and wait close by.

My 9yr old goes in public toilets with his older brother or his dad. If he's with me he's coming into the women's with me and going in a cubicle. He's been sexually assaulted by another boy when he was younger and I'm not taking any chances.

I'd be astonished at any woman objecting to another woman supervising her son in the ladies toilets.

If a thirteen-year-old boy is unaccompanied in the men’s toilets, how is he safer than an eight-year-old in the same situation? If men’s toilets are such a risk, it doesn’t sound like it would be safe to send any boy in there.

You’re all saying that it’s horribly risky for boys in the men’s toilets, but at the same time, you’re all acting like the risk greatly reduces or vanishes once a kid has a cracking voice and a few armpit hairs. Why are you okay with sending your minor sons of any age into a place that you think is substantially likely to contain sexual predators?

Disabled loo would be the way

id very much object to a nine year old boy in the ladies, and it would have upset my dd when she was young

@BlumminFreezin As I said in my post I would have him use the accessible toilets only in the unlikely situation I felt it wasn't safe for him to use the male toilets unaccompanied at that specific time. The other 99.999% of the time he will use the correct facilities.

Thanks @YankSplaining it's quite a hard one to balance.

Of course a 13 yo is safer than an 8yo - that’s just common sense. If you seriously need me to spell out the numerous reasons why (experience, maturity, awareness, knowledge, vulnerability, physical size) then it’s not really worth having a discussion.

As I said very clearly, it’s a question of balancing risks. Yes, people can be assaulted anywhere, anytime. Yes, no one can guarantee anyone’s safety anywhere.

But when I personally am weighing the risk to my child vs the inconvenience of other females of having him using the toilet with me there, I think a reasonable cut off is what I have already said (twice now).

You presumably would also have a cut off as I’m sure you didn’t send your toddler alone into the gents.

Would an 8 yo be ok? Can you tell whether a boy is 8 or 9 by looking at them?

I send my 8 and 5 yo in together, with me waiting outside. If I need to go I leave them waiting outside the ladies for a second.

@ShinyClouds, I wouldn't use a toilet for disabled people. I'd supervise my son where I was. It's not like he'd be running riot and he'd be as embarrassed as anybody else might be in there but my priority is his safety.

He does use public toilets in our local leisure centre but they're small and I literally have a foot in the outside door and shout to him so anybody in there knows he's not alone.

The loos at my local Morrisons have signs on saying children of the opposite sex up to the age of 8yo can go in the respective toilets. So their ruling is for their public loos: over 8yo, boys go in the gents. The ladies is literally three cubicles and a couple of sinks, you can stand right outside and shout through the door to guard it/make them count out loud to you all you want, it's presumably not a high risk area full of predatory men.

according to a friend in social services not for a long time! She horrified us with talk of the pedos in public men's loos

Where? Cafe/softplay/cinema with you nearby, 8 or so. Motorway services/large shopping centre etc., at least 10.

Would you expect teenage girls to hone in on a sense of danger and be able to extricate themselves? Would you expect them to be able to make a loud protest?

Having been a teenage girl once, yes to a degree, but certainly much more readily than a primary age child of either sex.

None of the numerous times as a teenage girl (and subsequently as a grown Woman) that something was 'off' or mildly threatening or overtly threatening was the potential perpetrator a pre-pubescent boy gone for a wee with his Mum.

Isn’t it crazy that men are just so dangerous that we even have to think about this? It just seems insane to continue a species where you can’t even trust one sex to leave boys unmolested when they need to use the gents.

It's definitely crazy but I also dont want my seven year old to be unsafe