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Original poster

Boys going to the gents by themselves what age?

215 replies

Khgvnjj · 02/03/2025 07:41

Ds is turning 7 and increasingly wants to go to the public toilets by himself. I grew up in a household of only women so no experience of this. When sis your boys start going to the gents by themselves? Did you put any caveats in place?

OP posts:
Porcuporpoise · 02/03/2025 15:57

Eldest was 8 and then from age 6 onwards if they were with an elder brother. And yes I used to hover outside and - on occasion- coopted a passing bloke to shout them for me (on one occasion ds3 had got stuck in a cubicle and ds1 was trying to get him out).

NuffSaidSam · 02/03/2025 16:03

Between 5 and 10 depending on the toilet.

A toilet at a softplay type place where everyone is with kids and you can lurk right outside the door, from 5 is fine.

In a central London underground type one where you need to go through a barrier etc., not until 9/10.

Generally, though I would listen to the child. If he's ready to start going by himself I would honour that wherever possible.

UpsideDownChairs · 02/03/2025 16:05

About that age, with me hovering and yelling if it took too long (like it did once in McDonalds, and the cleaner scoped it out for me and let me go in there to rescue him (he'd got himself in a bit of a state because the cubicle was broken and he'd dangled his trousers on the floor and they'd got wet - he exited wearing my cardigan as trousers!)

Luckily I have 2 boys, so they generally get sent in together.

DappledThings · 02/03/2025 16:08

DS started asking to go by himself about a year ago at 8. I still hang right by the door.

AliTheMinx · 02/03/2025 16:47

I think around 8 for.my DS.

Ohapal · 02/03/2025 16:55

Personally, I avoided this for my DS until he was much older than 8. My mum was always terrified of my DBs and then in turn my DS going into men's toilets because there had been a rape of a young boy in a local men's toilet when I was a kid.

I tried to arrange stuff such that public toilets weren't needed.

For swimming, we generally got changed at home and just put one of those long toweling hoodies over with crocs so that they could be taken on and off at the poolside and there was no need to use the changing rooms.

I honestly have no understanding of why it's OK to send an 8yo into a men's toilet alone where they are going to get their privates out to pee (or changing rooms when they are going to get naked) - when considered in the context of safeguarding at school where nobody is even allowed in the premises without a visitor badge and an accompanying staff member. It makes no sense at all to me - it's like the public toilet thing and the school safeguarding thing are in 2 different worlds.

LittleMy77 · 02/03/2025 17:00

DS is 9.5, and started going in by himself if we’re out together, but I hover outside and he’s under strict instructions not to speak to anyone in there. It’s only usually in restaurants, the library, costa etc (which is usually only 1 toilet so easier) I wouldn’t let him in a public gents toilet by himself unless he was desperate

TickingAlongNicely · 02/03/2025 17:01

@ohapal in school they also aren't allowed in those facilities with the girls... they are supposed to be separate.

There sometimes is a gap between where it is safe to be unsupervised and where its appropriate to be in opposite sex facilities. Toilets are generally less of an issue due to cubicles however as long as the female carer supervises their child fully.

HoneyCorn · 02/03/2025 17:02

Surprised so many would allow a 7 year old to go into the men's alone I don't even let my 7 year old daughter to go the toilet alone!

tonyhawks23 · 02/03/2025 17:04

I tell mine to use the cubicle,I'm a worrier though,I don't know if he does.

BigSilly · 02/03/2025 17:05

Once they started school.

Shmee1988 · 02/03/2025 17:06

My youngest is 5 and at least 50% of the time he wants to go by himself. I let him in quieter places and some busier places when he's with his older brother. I always wait outside.

Mumofoneandone · 02/03/2025 17:15

My son is 7 and I wouldn't let him go to men's loos by himself.
Not sure when I'll let him but it is likely to depend on the toilet set up at a particular venue.

CatamaranViper · 02/03/2025 17:25

DS is just 8 and has been going by himself for about a year.
We live in a small town and spend most of our time here. When we do go somewhere new, we always go with him the first time, and often prompt him to come along with us when we go anyways, but he's a smart, mature kid. If he is longer than he should be I go after him, plus we usually position ourselves near the toilets anyways.

Didimum · 02/03/2025 17:28

My twins have just turned 7, I think they will be ready within the year to pop in a public toilet without me. My main worry is their consistency in flushing and leaving it in a decent state!

Isobel201 · 02/03/2025 17:31

Didimum · 02/03/2025 17:28

My twins have just turned 7, I think they will be ready within the year to pop in a public toilet without me. My main worry is their consistency in flushing and leaving it in a decent state!

I don't think some adults do that to be fair.

Mandylovescandy · 02/03/2025 17:51

This is reassuring. My 8 year old has ASD and struggles to go by himself (even at home!) but was feeling bad about having him with me. Do try to encourage him in places we know well/quiet etc. Youngest (6) will go on own in local leisure centre

TheMoment · 02/03/2025 18:19

Won’t be letting my son until at secondary and will be warning him then that they can be dangerous places. As a woman, I wouldn’t care if a mother had her son with her using the female toilets at all and completely understand why the mother wouldn’t want them to use the male toilets alone. I’ll be doing the same too.

Children are at high risk in public male toilets, don’t put your son at risk.

Passthecake30 · 02/03/2025 18:22

Completely depended where it was. Probably about 8-9 aside from a service station where it was about 11!

pinkroses79 · 02/03/2025 18:30

My son was about 6. I didn't really like it but he completely refused to go into the ladies again. I used to worry if he took a long time but it was either that or him refuse to go at all.

doodahdayy · 02/03/2025 18:34

TheMoment · 02/03/2025 18:19

Won’t be letting my son until at secondary and will be warning him then that they can be dangerous places. As a woman, I wouldn’t care if a mother had her son with her using the female toilets at all and completely understand why the mother wouldn’t want them to use the male toilets alone. I’ll be doing the same too.

Children are at high risk in public male toilets, don’t put your son at risk.

Agree to all of this

ShinyClouds · 02/03/2025 18:35

This is bonkers.

frenchnoodle · 02/03/2025 18:36

My eldest was 8

ilovesooty · 02/03/2025 18:38

TheMoment · 02/03/2025 18:19

Won’t be letting my son until at secondary and will be warning him then that they can be dangerous places. As a woman, I wouldn’t care if a mother had her son with her using the female toilets at all and completely understand why the mother wouldn’t want them to use the male toilets alone. I’ll be doing the same too.

Children are at high risk in public male toilets, don’t put your son at risk.

I suspect that lots of girls approaching puberty wouldn't be happy to share public toilets with boys of near secondary school age.

chocomoccalocca · 02/03/2025 18:38

Eldest is nearly 6 and I will let him at places like soft play, restaurants usually but not everywhere by any means. He is really tall for his age so am aware he looks easily 8/9 so am sure some think he is too old to go into the ladies but have just rolled with it so far