Boys going to the gents by themselves what age?

[Khgvnjj]

Ds is turning 7 and increasingly wants to go to the public toilets by himself. I grew up in a household of only women so no experience of this. When sis your boys start going to the gents by themselves? Did you put any caveats in place?

Lovely example of a straw man argument there.

You literally said you don’t give a shit if the presence of your son makes women and girls uncomfortable. It’s not a straw man at all. You are teaching him to feel as you do that the feelings of women and girls aren’t important at all.

Agreed

The gym where my son used to swim had an incident of a man filming children while they changed on many occasions before he was caught. They changed the rules and allowed boys up to 12 to change in cubicles within the women's changing room if they were with their mothers. You cant assume public changing and toileting spaces are safe and it's important that people respect others' feelings around this.

As an adult Woman I can't imagine being uncomfortable with any pre-pubescent / primary school aged boy accompanied by his Mum in the Ladies toilets, and I've not in my 41 years ever seen any Woman with hands dripping in blood at the sink, so while I don't doubt it's a possibility I'm not sure it's a hill to die on.

My DS is far too young for this to be a real worry at the moment but honestly if any old bloke in a skirt can happily use the ladies then I'll just wear trousers, adopt a deep voice, and accompany him to the gents if I need to 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is a leap.

Eldest age my ds came into the ladies with me was age 9....he was mortified...he kept proclaiming loudly so everyone could hear that he didn't want to be in there. The experience didn't turn him into an entitled narcissist.

The reason he was, was because the gents toilets opened with a door and then had a very long corridor to the cubicles and urinals...which meant I couldn't hover by the door and have him hear me and vice versa. Like I said earlier I was very pleased I made that decision as later on I read about how a teenager was assaulted in those shopping centre toilets.

My dd has been going by herself since 7. Ds is
only 4 but already objects to coming into the ladies with me. I cant imagine he will agree to come in past 7. It’s good to build independence up.

Your son sounds perfectly normal and understands boundaries since as you say ‘he was mortified’ to be there.
This is not the same as the other poster at all.

Yes, you’re an adult woman. But how about 11 year old girls who would be mortified to be doing a poo or changing sanitary wear in a cubicle next to a similar age boy. Don’t they matter?

It is. This is good parenting

@Gymrabbit While 50 year old blokes in wigs are free to use the Ladies then apparently no they don't. At least the hypothetical 10 year old boy is accompanied by his Mum and there to use the toilets as they were designed for, so we can assume no actual physical threat aside from some embarrassment. Not ideal, but the best of a few less than ideal scenarios.

Or the 10 year old could use the mens as he should be and the bloke in a wig could also stay out of the ladies too.

This

I send Y3s into men's toilets on school trips. It honestly never occurred to me that you wouldn't, until I went on a trip with infants and they all used the ladies (female only staff). Its ridiculous that women's toilets aren't built to be bigger than men's given more children (and a higher percentage of elderly people) use them.

My ds10 has been going into men's toilets for the last 2 years or so.

The chances of anything happening are so tiny and it's good for him to build up independence. I've been letting him build it up in other ways more recently, ie leaving him home alone for up to 30 minutes, letting him go for short 20 minute walks by himself etc.

We are too overprotective of our children in the real world but under protective in the virtual world.

In child friendly places, my DS8 has gone into the men's from a very young age but I still bring him into the women's public toilets. This wouldn't be the done thing among his friends so I'll have a rethink. I'm probably being overly protective as a couple of close neighbours were recently convicted as paedophiles.

Ok, so I have a tall 10 year old boy, almost 11. He is a sen child, verbal but highly vulnerable with some toileting needs. There is no way he would be safe in a male toilets alone. Obviously when his dad or brother are around then that's where he goes. We regularly go swimming. I've never heard of the "age 8" rule. I check there is no one in the ladies that's changing, then I let him go in a cubicle, door closed but unlocked. Haven't had any comments yet, but a look of confusion as he left and a younger girl entered. There is a disabled toilet available but it contains all the showering/bed changing equipment, and I feel like physically disabled people have a priority. Reading all your comments, I'm not unsure what to do. He can not safely go to male toilets alone.

You need to take him to disabled or family changing.

The ladies is not acceptable

Agree with this.

How unbelievably embarrassing to be taken to the ladies toilet by Mummy when the boy is ready to go to high school.

Thanks for your reply. I have seen other boys in there, with mums, so I thought I was doing the right thing. Just to note, we normally use disabled toilets, in supermarkets/days out/food places. When they are available ( it isn't always an option) It is generally just at the pool. Mothers smile at him so there has never been an issue. Until I found this thread. X

Will you care in a year or two if some young girl is uncomfortable by your sons presence (for whatever reason), tells her brother who’s just outside who proceeds to beat the shit out of your boy in front of you?

This sounds about right to me. 8

Or the 10 year old could use the mens as he should be and the bloke in a wig could also stay out of the ladies too.

Of course and in an ideal world that would be the case every time, but this thread has demonstrated that not everything is ideal. Some public toilets are hangouts for people you wouldn't want your 10 year old unaccompanied and out of sight around, and some 10 year olds need a bit more assistance than others.

What I was saying was that in the circumstance that a slightly older boy than the largely accepted 7/8 was in the ladies with his Mum due to reasons outside of their control then I couldn't get too worked up about it.

IMO a boy using the facilities with his Mum / female carer is totally different to a boy or Man choosing to use them alone.

Ooh don't you know by now boys don't matter
They are all rapists and abusers from birth

Why on earth would you want to protect such a creature

I'm a 3DS mum

Who is sick to death of the way mumsnet treats boys like they need no protection

I'm a girl

Why the fuck would I mind if a woman brought her 9 year old boy in to the women's changing rooms

He's a boy and a human being

The bias against boys in this country will have consequences

My boys had SN and were about 10 or 11.
However there are a lot more gender neutral toilets about now which makes it easier.