55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

[Takemebacktowhen]

My colleague and I have become quite close and spend a lot of weekends together. She has confided in my about a lot of things.

She is a lecturer to some teenage students. Today she apparently called a taxi for herself and an 18 year old student. She said she had given him her number and would like to take him to an exhibition. She described this young lad as exquisitely beautiful, that he is an ethnic minority that she is hugely attracted to.

I found this confession uncomfortable. It’s inappropriate isn’t it. The fetishisation of a minority was very unpleasant as well.

How would you take something like that. Should I just keep my beak out and mind my own bloody business.

Our university’s code of conduct wouldn’t cover this. I would be reporting, nothing would be done, and I would have exposed myself to a difficult work environment.

She is affiliated in certain ways with the powers that be and has survived several complaints, none were sexual misconduct as far as I know.

This. ^ In spades. What a gross hideous woman. She needs reporting @Takemebacktowhen

@Takemebacktowhen in that case don’t do anything but maybe keep your distance in case something inevitably hits the fan

My immediate reaction was "that's up to her".
But NO.
He's one of her students so they are both in the wrong and you probably have a duty to report it.

???

Whut?

It's not the age difference per se. But. Add in the power differential, the trust, the innocence and inexperience and it becomes grooming.

holy trinity

If you're really as close as you say, and spend weekends together, I'm at a loss to know why you can't talk to her.

You're worried enough to ask here but as a grown woman, also a lecturer, you can't bring yourself to discuss this.

Are you in your 50s too?

Why come to a forum when it's in your power to bring this up?

Even in a light hearted way you could tell her you're uneasy about the way she talked about this student and if she understands the consequences.

HE could even raise a complaint if he felt she was overstepping the mark.

Cannot agree more. I can't imagine taking a job where safeguarding is a duty and then turning a blind eye because you're worried it might make your mate sad.

Safeguarding isn't a duty of academic staff.
Research ethics, yes, not discriminating against students with disabilities i.e. providing reasonable accommodations, yes, also standards and benchmarking in academic terms, are our degrees worth what we say they are? Are students using AI or learning to write?

There are those on this thread clutching their pearls about gasp sharing a taxi with another adult. And socialising with a student. Horrors.

It seems though that this academic has not breached the university standards, only been unpleasant. So a quiet word might be in order. I have a feeling she might have done so at our place, but others seem to have crazy rules about what time you send emails, so I guess ours take the middle road.

(By the way if anyone wants to PM me about who this is I'm all ears, and very discreet...)

Under any circumstances?

What if you were supervising a group of students at an overseas event, for example? What means of communication would you use?

All unis have safeguarding policies for adults at risk of harm or exploitation.

Eg: Students, staff and visitors to the University have the right to learn and work in a positive environment that is free from harm and all forms of prejudice, harassment, discrimination and bullying

https://www.london.ac.uk/about/policies/core-policies/safeguarding

Huh. Apparently we have one too.
It mentions that it applies to "individuals at risk", which is defined, and looks to me like "vulnerable adults" - which isn't every adult, and is frankly a term I think is associated with students too much. For example, "vulnerable to radicalisation", it implies the student didn't decide to plot a bomb threat, they were forced into it.

At risk of harm or exploitation covers everything from radicalisation to mental illness to discrimination, prejudice, harassment…

Sexual harassment will also be covered by policies regarding harassment, bullying and sexual misconduct.

Jeez ! Turn the tables and a man would be absolutely vilified! Report her !
He may think he will get a better result if he appeases her !

Yep same here, at the very least. Ours (school rather than uni) has a system for reporting low level concerns, does your university have anything?

You need to report it, it may be she never acts on it but the fact she's talking/thinking about it isn't good and at the very least someone needs to have a word with her about her condict/how things are construed. If anything does happen....

The uni should have a staff code of conduct/HR handbook which will cover student/staff relationships, I'd refer to this when reporting

Going off campus, sharing a lift, and going to an event wouldn't count as any kind of concern under our staff/student relationships policy. I have done all of these with students who are working on my research team. They also know my home address (some of them because they walk past it on the way to their house and see me... which was bizarre during COVID as I had one I'd only ever seen on Teams walk past... and some of them because they drop things off or pick them up if we are going separately to fieldwork).

The only remaining thing then is the comments made. I don't think our university would do a thing about these, but the academic herself might be made to be more discreet. If she thinks these things that can't be policed, but if she said them in a class or to that or another student that would be a cause for concern in official terms.

Have you ever worked in a university? Male lecturers have been perving over young female students forever and nothing is done about it.

@Jazzicatz no but that doesn't make it right surely?

Of course it doesn’t make it right, but to suggest that male lecturers are treated more harshly is just not the case.

@Jazzicatz I meant on this thread not in the uni .

I'd report this to the educational institution.

It's illegal if the young person is 16-18, but a lot of institutions would have it against the employments T&Cs to have this kind of a relationship with a current student.

But yes. It all sounds very distasteful, and concerning

I was seeing her “he’s beautiful” as similar to a long term friend who seems to go overboard saying certain minorities are so beautiful all the time (which does seem racist), to show how she’s “not racist” she also does this with less conventionally attractive women and very over weight people. Unfriendly person, she’d be raving they are so kind. Oh, she so beautiful, I’m so drawn to her (not attractive person). Like maybe looking for a debate so she can prove she doesn’t see what you see. I don’t see color, I didn’t notice person didn’t look nice.

She’s done this for years and I think she’s trying to scream out “im so good, color blind. See beauty in everyone”
She really just draws your eye to the person who you might not notice & it’s very awkward. Friend group just ignores because it’s so awkward to look at person, and be expected to agree.

If this were my friend, she would be parading this boy to show —- look at me, I’m cool and not racist. I have young black friends. I’m so interesting (and not seeking anything else)

I work in education and have for a long time - initially primary and now higher education. You have a duty to report this. I would contact the university or college and report it.

How many times: this is HE, these are adults, the only thing that MIGHT need reporting is the comments.