55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

[Takemebacktowhen]

My colleague and I have become quite close and spend a lot of weekends together. She has confided in my about a lot of things.

She is a lecturer to some teenage students. Today she apparently called a taxi for herself and an 18 year old student. She said she had given him her number and would like to take him to an exhibition. She described this young lad as exquisitely beautiful, that he is an ethnic minority that she is hugely attracted to.

I found this confession uncomfortable. It’s inappropriate isn’t it. The fetishisation of a minority was very unpleasant as well.

How would you take something like that. Should I just keep my beak out and mind my own bloody business.

I'd be having a chat with the Safeguarding Lead. There's a power imbalance and her motives are not pure. Who knows whether he would be going willingly with her to the exhibition or whether he thinks it might be disadvantageous to decline or that he can't say no. Same with any 'approach' she might make to him.

well I’d disagree. If it was an ongoing pattern and he’s showing no sign of reciprocating then yes. But so far it’s been one event ???? Hardly an intense display of affection. I’d say it’s not a display of affection at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️. And I think this individual would certainly be able to successfully argue that if it ever got to a disciplinary. And that’s what counts. Which is why a total ban is better.

To use ffs for this, you're easily triggered at the mo. You might need a break.

Would you say that if the lecturer was a man and the potential grooming victim a girl?

I agree it's borderline but could be heading that way. I couldn't ignore it though, I'd have to say something to the friend and possibly report it because it sounds her like intention is pursuing an inappropriate relationship with the student.

Agreed. I would put the safety and wellbeing of a potentially vulnerable barely-adult being groomed by a leechy 50+ year old over myself being a bit “uncomfortable” any day. What she’s said is disgusting, regardless of if she acts on it or not - although it’s clear she will if given opportunity, which she is already attempting to create with shared taxis etc

I'm in STEM, but I'd take an academically inclined student to a meeting or conference. I imagine the exhibition part is similar in humanities or arts.

That's not what OP said. It was AND it's also dodge for this reason. OPs post makes it clear it is her friends approach towards the student first and foremost that she's discussing.

Sounds like she's grooming him. I'd at least talk to the person in charge of safeguarding about this.

Surely no 18 year old would have sex with a 55 year old woman?!

OP I would absolutely report this. Totally i appropriate.

And that's how you understand what the OP stated? If the OP said "my colleague has told me she is taking one of her students to an exhibition. He is a talented student who wouldn't normally be able to go to this gallery. Am I right to be clutching my pearls at such degeneracy?" then you might be right in drawing the parallel. It is so clearly not this.

Even in all adult workplaces there are lines of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. What you describe is acceptable. What the OP described (all of it. Including the objectification of the student) is not acceptable. If it is not over the line to unacceptable, it is near enough the line to warrant action - either in OP distancing herself from colleague, telling her it is inappropriate (or at least risky if she wants to protect the colleagues ego), or indeed flagging it to someone more senior or with responsibility for safeguarding so they can make the call.

Not in this instance because (if it is the same person, and maybe it isn't) I am not aware of it.

She is someone I have reported for her predatory and inappropriate conduct in the past though, yes.

There are either a lot of lecherous 55 year old stoners out there or a few of us know the same woman! The one I knew would perv over students but I only ever saw her actively pursue staff. There was the same fetishisation of ethnicity there as well. Policies on personal relationships in HE are changing so she needs to be more careful. https://www.officeforstudents.org.uk/for-students/student-rights-and-welfare/student-guide-to-harassment-and-sexual-misconduct/what-to-expect/ If she wants to take him to an exhibition then she advertises it to all students and takes a group, not just him.
I've met some absolutely beautiful students but the clue is in the title, he's a student. It would be like fancying my friends children, just wrong on every level. I've also developed real friendships with a few students, usually older, but only because we kept in touch AFTER they graduated and the friendship grew from there .

Universities are microcosms of protectionism- they have got away with it for centuries and particularly in the 20th century. The 'laissez-faire' attitudes that existed in the 1960s and 70s, meant staff were allowed to do what they liked for decades. Many contributed very little to the university - were allowed to be self-indulgent and to pick and choose what they did, who they favoured, what they actually produced as research. They were rarely challenged by senior academics/ management about their behaviours and, in many places, hasn't changed much.

Today, universities offer hundreds of pointless, useless degrees. Just look at the range and number of Geography degrees as an example (although it is by no means the worst subject in this ). There is no need for them, students get little from them, few end up in decent employment related to them but do end up in lifetime debt. One of my best friends is a professor (and was course leader) at a local red-brick uni and tears his hair out in frustration over difficult, lazy staff who do the bare minimum, complain continually about how 'thick' students are and are unwilling to provide the support they need, and the university's inability/unwillingness to discipline these staff. He describes them as 'deadwood' in the department. I'm not entirely sympathetic to him, his time away from the uni appears to be about 70% of his working week, and 4 months in the summer. He produces very little research himself and it's all a very 'precious' environment.

It is nowhere near as rigorous or interventionist a structure in terms of monitoring the quality of teaching, learning and care as schools are.

That would be the end of the friendship for me. I'd also report her predatory behavior.

'@lmholtzWatson · Today 05:26

Lecturer here. Personally I'd stay out of it.'

Then you are in the wrong job.

She is abusing her position of power and a 55 year old targeting an 18 year old in her workplace is not acceptable.

Would you 'stay out of it' if it was a male lecturer targeting female teenage students?

OP, distance yourself from this woman and report your concerns to the university, even if you just do it anonymously.

Its an abuse of power situation, in that she is a member of staff and should in no way be seeking a one to one relationship with an 18yo that she teaches. As others state, it’s #metoo all over again, just with an older woman/younger man. It’s gross misconduct in most teaching establishments and, yes, utterly creepy. I’m afraid I would report her and break contact.

Academic here. This is very very gray territory (and yes it’s deeply inappropriate). I would talk to your HoD. This isn’t fantasy. This woman has booked to go on a date with an individual student. That is the red line that has been crossed.
Also if she’s teaching him currently then she can’t bestow this favouritism on one people.
So there are ethical and safeguarding concerns.

This is disgusting but unless you were shocked speechless I would have said something right there. As a mother of teens my skin is crawling to hear about this. I hope she gets the sack soon. The sad part is that predators would be doing jobs close to where can act. Of course is not just a fantasy she is planning to act on this.

It doesn't matter that she's a friend. The safety of the young person should take priority. Nor would I want to he friends with someone who thinks it's acceptable to fantasise over someone almost 40 years their junior. Have you seen 18 year olds? They're babies! This woman is grotesque. She's about my mother's age and if my mum told me she had a thing for someone who's age meant they could be sitting in my classroom, I'd cut her out of my life because I would be ashamed to be associated with someone so disgusting.

OP, look at it this way. She is already (by inviting him out) putting him in a position that he might feel he can’t decline, in case turning her down causes her to treat him disfavourably eg by marking his work down. Now what if she makes a sexual pass at him… it’s a terrible situation with the power imbalance because he may well not want to sleep with her at all but he will feel the pressure of her being his lecturer and how refusing her advances could cause her to fail him in his studies. That’s one reason why it’s a terrible abuse of power and shouldn’t be allowed. It’s a reason why there are rules in workplace where staff are in a position of power (eg teaching or coaching or guidance) to protect those even if over 18.

KCSIE doesn't apply to 18+ and the Care Act 2014 only applies to vulnerable over 18s.

You'd need to appraise yourself of the uni's codes of conduct and reporting practices if you were going to go down that route.

Morally, it's not great. Legally there's nothing to stop her, although I wonder if her view of his ethnic background might actually be more frowned upon then her fancying him.

There should be policies around safeguarding

I'm a 50 year old woman, my son and nephews are all teens / early 20s. This is beyond gross, abusive, misuse of power and also racist (the fetishistic aspect of an 'ethnicity she is attracted to'). She needs an intervention. The idea that in 2 years I will be sending my children to pay £9k a year to be exposed to these nasty predators (male & female) who hold their career and future in their hands is repellent. Academic privilege seems to mean a lot of abusive behaviour is condoned.