55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

[Takemebacktowhen]

My colleague and I have become quite close and spend a lot of weekends together. She has confided in my about a lot of things.

She is a lecturer to some teenage students. Today she apparently called a taxi for herself and an 18 year old student. She said she had given him her number and would like to take him to an exhibition. She described this young lad as exquisitely beautiful, that he is an ethnic minority that she is hugely attracted to.

I found this confession uncomfortable. It’s inappropriate isn’t it. The fetishisation of a minority was very unpleasant as well.

How would you take something like that. Should I just keep my beak out and mind my own bloody business.

I am a grandmother to a teenage student and reading this OP has truly sickened me. This lecturer is in a position of trust which she is seemingly abusing. If she were my 'colleague' I would have no reservations whatsoever in reporting her.

I give students my private number, male and female. Perfectly normal and accepted practice where I work.

You need to confidently log your concerns with the head of faculty.

Or, talk to her first?

Nothing has happened yet.

The first step with a colleague you're close to is to 'have a word', as they say.

There may not be a law against it but it is highly likely there is a rule against it at this institution.

I think you've made your thread title provocative on purpose.

It comes over as paedophilia. I'm sure this was intentional so you need to consider why you've written it like that.

Most people do not know what a 'Reader' is.

I'm not condoning her behaviour but you appear to want to sensationalise it by your use of words.

Talk to her first if you're close. That might be all it needs.

Wow shame on you! You'd fly under the radar of misuse of power and abuse because of the state of HE atm.
Have a chat with yourself!
I work in safeguarding btw and its people like you that I judge and am in absolute shock of.

Why do you give them your number? Why can't they email you? I'd say this is a grey area and I wouldn't do this.

I'd say stay out of it until you have evidence of improper behaviour.
If you know her well, maybe have a word with her, tell her how inappropriate it is?

Why because I won't tell tales on what is at the moment no more than a middle-aged woman's fantasy?

Maybe rules are different at different places because of previous incidents or something?

@Takemebacktowhen is this student a foreign student btw? Only ask because it adds another layer to the power imbalance.

It looks like she has taken steps to make it more than a fantasy.

Surprised in a non-critical/judgemental way of this - I would never give my private number to students, or use my private phone for work (including email) under any circumstances.

👋 School safeguarding person here. OP, you need to report this as a low level safeguarding concern to the DSL and let them decide what to do with it. There will be a process for this at your institution & you need to report what she said, verbatim if possible, without opinion or judgement. This will be anonymous and the exact words will never be recounted back to her. She hasn’t broken the law but her behaviour as a person in a position of trust is inappropriate at best. There may have been other incidences that the DSL is aware of and this may help them to get a bigger picture.

That's creepy and inappropriate and you should do whatever you would instantly do if this was a male lecturer behaving like this towards a female student.

Would you say that if it was a man talking about an 18 year old student? Or would you rightly think of him as a creepy predator?

The same age. It makes no difference. You’re in a position of power compared to them and there should be the same expectations regarding personal relationships with them.

@HelmholtzWatson "inappropriate but not illegal" really?! The threshold for what behaviour you are willing to let slide is illegality?

@2021x has it spot on.

It's not a fantasy though she has his number and booked a taxi for them both to go to an exhibition. She's over stepped a mark in relation to her work status

IMHO, you should speak to her about it. Meet her somewhere private. Say you’ve been reflecting on what she told you and think the way she spoke about him was inappropriate and she shouldn’t be meeting him privately, especially if that’s how she views him. It could get her into a great deal of trouble.

Then see how she responds. If she dismisses or minimises it in any way, I’d let her know you have a duty to report it. Speak to a safeguarding lead. I wouldn’t tell her line manager as they may not know how to deal with it and do nothing.

If she’s humble and reflective and assures you nothing else inappropriate’s happened (they only attended an exhibition together), suggest she doesn’t meet him or any students privately again, as it leaves her open to accusations of grooming. Make a note of the dates she told you and the date you spoke to her about it. Keep an eye on her and if you notice anything else, report it.

Would you feel differently if it was a 55 year old man speaking like that about an 18 year old young woman? You shouldn’t. Women can be sexual predators too.

This is very strange.
Have you not gone through any training about this?
How did you not know how to react?

I agree there is an imbalance of power, but I disagree that 6th formers and uni students are the same if they are 18.

In terms of the rules the university has, I don’t think they will be able to distinguish between behaviour towards an 18-year-old adult student and a 21-year-old adult student.

Yes, I posted a follow up when I belatedly grasped this. In my fuddled pre-early morning tea state I assumed it was a typo I couldn't make sense of, but now I realise it must be a university Reader, and as I've already said, that makes this super-identifying. OP would be well advised to get this deleted.

But it does make a difference…..possibly depending on the institution but it could be acceptable. Whereas in a sixth form the teacher would be sacked for sure and possibly face criminal charges? One of my senior lecturer colleagues fairly recently married one of their students, nobody batted an eyelid.

@HelmholtzWatson

Why because I won't tell tales on what is at the moment no more than a middle-aged woman's fantasy?

It's not 'no more' than a fantasy is it?

She's said she thinks he's beautiful, got his phone number and invited him to an event with her.

How is that just a fantasy?