55 year old female Reader interested in teenage boys

[Takemebacktowhen]

My colleague and I have become quite close and spend a lot of weekends together. She has confided in my about a lot of things.

She is a lecturer to some teenage students. Today she apparently called a taxi for herself and an 18 year old student. She said she had given him her number and would like to take him to an exhibition. She described this young lad as exquisitely beautiful, that he is an ethnic minority that she is hugely attracted to.

I found this confession uncomfortable. It’s inappropriate isn’t it. The fetishisation of a minority was very unpleasant as well.

How would you take something like that. Should I just keep my beak out and mind my own bloody business.

If she is a colleague, surely you are fully aware of your work place policies on employee relationships with students? No need to ask here? Follow policy.

The lecturer/student power imbalance makes in at an offense for her to have sexual contact with this young man

Does it though? I know it may be professional misconduct depending on the rules of the institution in question, but I didn’t think it would be a criminal offence?

Is it me? How are you going to report this and to whom?

What are 'they' going to do about it?

Nothing has happened and if it does, how is it ever proved?

I get what you are saying OP and this is as creepy as fuck but I can't see any way you can do anything at all about this that might result in actual appropriate action.

You will end up with egg on your face at best and exposing yourself to litigation at worst because there is no such body as the thought police.

In your shoes, I would keep the lines of communication open and speak to this dozy mare and find out if anything does go on. Once you have her word, report it then but trying to report this on what you have currently would be a bit mad and totally counterproductive.

That's for schools though.

So you've reported it as well then?

OP hasn't been back to provide further information. This might be a sixth form college rather than a university. Don't know if that makes a difference procedurally. Colleague sounds clueless at best.

Wow,

I'm fairly sure this is now illegal under the revised rules around positions of trust. The over 18 bit isn't relevent any more.

Check the code of conduct first. I'd certainly be easing out of the friendship ASAP.

I get the OPs dilemma if the person hasn’t actually done anything yet. What good would reporting do apart from bring a shower of shit down on her? No senior academic is going to get sacked for giving their phone number to a student. They will be able to say it’s all totally innocent, etc, etc.

The most that will happen is they’d “warned off” and I guess it might put them off trying to take things up a level. Which yes would be good for the student. I’d report if I thought there was no way it could be traced back to me. So could the concern which is reported be of a more general nature about her behaviour? What of you’re the only person she’s told about the taxi and phone number? Then she would know it was you.

Eh? Fantasy with a student!? It’s deeply inappropriate and should be reported. I teach 6th Formers this age and wouldn’t dream of handing out my number or meeting up with them on a weekend! And the idea of fantasising over them turns my stomach.

They are both adults.
The old lecturer might just be flowery with language and express adoration of youth and respect and interest in a certain minority culture. She's introducing him to an exhibition which he will enjoy.
He possibly thinks of her like a mentoring old Aunt.

If you need to say anything, speak directly with her (who is communicating openly about her feelings). Speak about your concern the excursion could be seen the wrong way and that she could be leaving herself open to being sued if she spends time alone with any student. They could wrongly cry sexual harrassment etc. Offer to go along as an extra to wonderful concerts and exhibitions.

Lecturers also here. Nothing would happen in our university. We’ve had a member of the department marry a student before. The most that would occur is they would have to sit out of the room during exam boards when marks are officiated.

Mind you, Reader makes it sound like a university lecturer job title. Very identifying, then. Can't be too many about who can be described in this way, you'd hope.

This is worth a read too. https://thetab.com/2023/10/30/university-staff-student-relationships

its 2 years old but at the time of writing was quite clear that many universities “allow” relationships between staff and students. Certainly my university allows it (unless things have changed since I did my safeguarding training a few years ago and I’d like to think if it had changed staff would have been told and 8 haven’t heard of a change). Not that I would ever have a relationship with a student! Quite a few of my students have my mobile phone number btw so that’s not a red flag in itself. I have to use my mobile to ring students as the university has removed all telephones due to the cost!

Imagine if this was a man and an 18 year old girl. The imbalance of power would be more striking. Treat this exactly the same.

There will be an education manual or policy which will outline staff/staff relationships. Most universities prohibit these. Mine strongly discourages, but doesn't prohibit, regardless, it must be reported and declared. Report to your line manager.

Yes i definitely thought university not sixth form due to that. And that does make a difference. Seems like someone on this thread has already recognised the actual person being discussed so things could get interesting for the OP. She’s probably wise to get this thread deleted.

When I went back to H.E as an adult learner I found I respected got on very well with one of the lecturers. We were around the same age, similar life circumstances, and I thought we may end up being friends.

When I asked for her social media information one day she very politely declined. She said that as she was a lecturer, and even though we were the same age, there could potentially be an abuse of power. So she was not allowed to share social media or socialise with students.

This woman you are talking about sounds like she is in the wrong job. The creepy race fetishisation is the distubing cherry on top. It is worrying and may leave some students very vulnerable.

6th formers =/= university students.

My husband is a uni lecturer. He is not allowed to even email them formal emails after 6pm or on weekends. He would definitely not be allowed to give him his number.

Your friend sounds like a predator.

I think you should do whatever you would do if it was a man talking about a young female student like that. She sounds absolutely disgusting. If it was my son she was talking about I would really want you to report it.

You are absolutely obliged to notify the safeguarging lead at the institution where she works.

Safeguarding is relevant in amy scenario where there is an imbalance of power. Even if the teen is legally an adult they are vulnerable in relationship to a lecturer at their place of employment.

Everyone has an absolute duty to notify when it comes to Safeguarding. It's not the same as "reporting to the police", you aren't being a "grass" you are just making the appropriate person aware, and they will have the training and responsibility to work out whether further action is necessary.

@Takemebacktowhen Are you in the UK(looking at the timing of your post?)

Just saying in case the rules differ in other countries.

I think this is pretty simple.

If you're close to this colleague, why can't you have a word?

It's surely easy to say, 'Jane, I hope you don't mind me saying this......but I when you spoke to me about X (student) and how lovely you thought he was, sharing a taxi and giving him your number, I felt very uneasy. Maybe this is just a cougar fantasy (hahaha) but it made me think and feel concerned. If you were to take it further (and I'm sure you won't ) then you appreciate it's a serious issue with consequences.'

A Reader is a grade above a senior lecturer at a university. I wouldn’t have thought they’d have them at a sixth form college.

It's inappropriate and I certainly wouldn't want to mess about with teenagers but he is 18, there's no law against it. He's legally an adult and you can't police relationships between adults.