AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

Lilacbluewaters · 2025-02-26T21:27:25+00:00

Just wondering what people’s takes on this are. We have my husbands little brother (he’s 13) stay over at our house in some of the school holidays. Purely because he just likes to be with us and he will stay for around a week. Also our nephew comes too and so when we have to fork out food for both of them (especially things like McDonald’s) it adds up! so we usually ask for a bit of money whilst he’s here just for things like snacks/treat night when we get a McDonald’s. I usually ask for £10-£20. Not that this matters but we are a low income family and they know that, we love having him with us but I just feel it’s the principal of it that they should give at least £10 to cover some things? Aibu? His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer! I wouldn’t send my children for a week and not give any money

gamerchick · 26/02/2025 21:29

Ask them to send shopping instead or you can't have him.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2025 21:33

Yes they should send food or money. Teens are pricey. I wouldn't be getting takeaways. It would be home cooked meals and taking pack lunch if heading ut for the day

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 21:33

I could never ask for money for having my younger sibling or nephew stay with me. I've never heard of anyone else doing it either, I thought it was normal to treat the children in the extended family. It's always been that way with my family and none of us are high earners.

cadburyegg · 26/02/2025 21:33

Are you offering for him to stay or are the parents asking?

I don't think you should offer for him to stay unless you can afford it.

If the parents are asking for you to have him then you're within your rights to say "we'd love to have him to stay but please can you provide him with £X towards food".

Darkclothes · 26/02/2025 21:33

As they get older, they will be eating ALOT more! Yes, maybe suggesting food is a good idea.
Bag of pasta, favourite cereal, squash etc. Maybe in addition to the money?

If it was a one off, I wouldnt bother, but this seems to be a regular thing.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 21:34

If they ask they should pay it's not fair to put the burden on you. they should at least give you the child benefit

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 26/02/2025 21:37

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 21:33

I could never ask for money for having my younger sibling or nephew stay with me. I've never heard of anyone else doing it either, I thought it was normal to treat the children in the extended family. It's always been that way with my family and none of us are high earners.

Yeah i think this as well, it comes across like you're being burdened with him, even though I don't think that's your intention

I'd say yabu op, sorry x

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 21:39

I would always send money for longer than a day visit, ask them to send some food with him, 13yr olds are walking dustbins.
Do they look after your children similarly at all? Or is it all one sided?

Original poster

Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:42

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 21:33

I could never ask for money for having my younger sibling or nephew stay with me. I've never heard of anyone else doing it either, I thought it was normal to treat the children in the extended family. It's always been that way with my family and none of us are high earners.

i wouldn’t as a one off but we have him a lot and sometimes we have his sister and niece and nephew so +4 kids which as you can imagine costs a lot 😅

OP posts:

Original poster

Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:43

cadburyegg · 26/02/2025 21:33

Are you offering for him to stay or are the parents asking?

I don't think you should offer for him to stay unless you can afford it.

If the parents are asking for you to have him then you're within your rights to say "we'd love to have him to stay but please can you provide him with £X towards food".

Usually it is his idea as he likes to come and see his older brother (my husband) which is really nice, but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

OP posts:

miraxxx · 26/02/2025 21:43

There are very poor people in Asia and other parts of the world who'd not dream of asking for money in the circumstances outlined. I just find the cold-blooded and calculating mindset here hard to relate to.

Original poster

Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:44

Also it rubbed me the wrong way that they treated themselves to a takeaway but then couldn’t give him a bit of money 😅

OP posts:

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 21:45

miraxxx · 26/02/2025 21:43

There are very poor people in Asia and other parts of the world who'd not dream of asking for money in the circumstances outlined. I just find the cold-blooded and calculating mindset here hard to relate to.

Arn't asians known for having their children provide for them in their old age?

Original poster

Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:45

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 21:39

I would always send money for longer than a day visit, ask them to send some food with him, 13yr olds are walking dustbins.
Do they look after your children similarly at all? Or is it all one sided?

My children are under 6 so they never look after them

OP posts:

Darkclothes · 26/02/2025 21:46

... but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

'Well, we'd love to have him the whole week, but honesty, we really can't afford it for more than 2/3 days.' The suggest sending him with food also.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/02/2025 21:47

but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

I think they should be sending money with him, tbh.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 21:47

miraxxx · 26/02/2025 21:43

There are very poor people in Asia and other parts of the world who'd not dream of asking for money in the circumstances outlined. I just find the cold-blooded and calculating mindset here hard to relate to.

I'd find it fucking cheeky to send your kid over that eats like an adult and expect family on a really low income to feed him for free.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2025 21:49

Lilacbluewaters · 26/02/2025 21:45

My children are under 6 so they never look after them

Show quote history

Then they're just being rude.
Send the boy back after one day or back for meal times.

cadburyegg · 26/02/2025 21:49

Usually it is his idea as he likes to come and see his older brother (my husband) which is really nice, but his parents will say can he stay for 5-7 days

I think you need to say, "sorry but we can't afford for him to stay that long unless you can contribute towards groceries".

They are bloody cheeky.

Maddy70 · 26/02/2025 21:53

What weirdo asks for keep for a sibling that's 13 stating furvavwry short time? Honestly. I think it's super weird and graby

Out house was full of kids around that age. It would never have occured to me to ask for money

FuckityFux · 26/02/2025 21:55

That's plain cheeky on his parents part.

If they want other people to look after their children then the parents need to cover the costs of feeding them, as the bare minimum.

Anything else is simply taking the piss.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 26/02/2025 21:57

I do think that there's a line that's been crossed though.

In a million years, I would never have regularly sent my teenager away for days and days and days to stay with my other child without offering them some money. It's just what you fucking do. I mean, you look after all your kids not just the dependant ones living at home.

Do you mumsnetters all understand what child benefit is actually for? I'll tell you what it's not for. It's not for the adults to purchase takeaway food for themselves with whilst another fucking adult on a low income regularly feeds your kid.

howdoyoudooooo · 26/02/2025 21:58

I would never ask for money or anything in these circumstances, but I’m not on a low income and having to balance a budget so that’s very easy for me to say.

It’s rude of the dad to say no when you’ve asked - or to not send the boy with a bit of cash for a treat. But, that’s what’s happened, so your only options are to refuse to have him, or to let him stay but only home cooking etc and no takeaways/restaurants etc.

Emeraldsrock · 26/02/2025 21:58

I was also going to say wtf with the poor people in Asia comment. They also have dowries, help their kids buy an home more, and expect you to pay after them in their old age. It’s like comparing apples and oranges!

bridgetreilly · 26/02/2025 22:00

Honestly, I think it’s a bit weird to ask. I get that 4 teens are not cheap, but it seems like you’re only asking one set of parents to contribute for one child. And it’s your DH’s little brother. I would expect to pay for his stay with you, but maybe you just need to establish how much he comes to stay if money is too tight.