AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

[Lilacbluewaters]

Just wondering what people’s takes on this are. We have my husbands little brother (he’s 13) stay over at our house in some of the school holidays. Purely because he just likes to be with us and he will stay for around a week. Also our nephew comes too and so when we have to fork out food for both of them (especially things like McDonald’s) it adds up!
so we usually ask for a bit of money whilst he’s here just for things like snacks/treat night when we get a McDonald’s. I usually ask for £10-£20. Not that this matters but we are a low income family and they know that, we love having him with us but I just feel it’s the principal of it that they should give at least £10 to cover some things? Aibu? His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer! I wouldn’t send my children for a week and not give any money

How did they pay for the takeaway they treated themselves too, without money?

Surely they had to ask you for the money cane you should’ve said no?

What weirdo asks for keep for a sibling that's 13 stating furvavwry short time?

Someone on a low income! Feeding a teen its not just once a year- its 'some of the school holidays;. That could amount to a month a year or more. So over 90 meals the OP is paying for!

You mention "our nephew", whose nephew is he and do you also ask for a contribution from his parents or do they automatically give you something?

It doesn't sound as if the young lad's Dad is willing to give you any money towards his son's keep', whilst he stays with you. It's a case of asking again, telling his Dad that you can't afford for the lad to stay 5-7 days or sucking it up in the name of 'family'. There aren't many other options. Knowing you are a low income family, then yes, money should at least be offered, even if it was £20 towards treats.

Say no to the brother and nieces/nephews staying over if their parents aren't going to pay for the food shop.

Jesus. Stand up for yourself OP. These people are taking the piss.

Thank you for seeing my point, it irritates me that they are having a takeaway but he can’t have a treat. We have btw treated him to what he wanted, I couldn’t just not get him some goodies but teenagers do consume a lot 😂 especially milk!! He drinks more than my young children

This. You shouldn’t offer than ask for money , but if they are requesting then say that would be lovely but would you mind providing x

If it was a one-off then no I wouldn't ask or expect. But if it has become a regular thing, then it's different.

My DS used to sometimes stay over with a family member at weekends and I would usually give the family member an envelope with £30 in it to go towards takeaways or food generally, and I always said to let me know if they did anything that needed an entrance fee etc, I would settle up later.

Sometimes they took the envelope, sometimes they didn't. But that was their choice. I wasn't expecting anyone else to feed or pay for him.

sorry wasn’t clear, his newphew and niece their mum or dad usually gives them a bit of money or us just to cover some treats like £5/£10

What do you mean? They do have money, they just don’t want to give him any

I do think there are a lot of variables but as a rule, I would absolutely expect that if I am looking after a child for more than 48 hours, I wold be offered some kind of contribution - money directly, or the suggestin tht the teenager is sent with enough cash to get a takeaway for the whoel family one night or whatever. Even more so if I know the family who is hosting is struggling for money.

In situations where money is not tight, I'd still expect something. More likely in the form of a gift or something - wine, chocolates etc. MOre in recognition than anything else.

I'd also expect, either way, for the child to be sent with some spending money of their own.

It is my husbands niece and nephew, sometimes we ask and sometimes they have money without asking it just depends. We also have them very often at least once a month they stay for a weekend

I'm sure there are some customs and traditions amongst very poor people in Asia (or anywhere else for that matter) that would horrify and disgust people elsewhere.

I would never have thought to offer money to relatives having my child stay over (not that they ever stayed anywhere more than a night or two). But if my child loved going somewhere & the hosts voiced that they were struggling financially, I’d have been mortified that I’d added to that stress & would have sent him with bags of goodies (for everyone) offering supermarket gift vouchers & generally overcompensating.

How rude that they aren’t prepared to at least cover extra costs

This

Your DH should have a quiet word to say you're struggling on your income and it would be a great help if they would give son pocket money to bring towards treats.

Agreed

Why, when you clearly can’t afford to feed them?

I think it is a bit weird to ask for money. However, if money is tight and you can't afford it then you have to make difficult choices and have awkward conversations.
Ideally your in-laws should be offering, especially if they know money is tight for you. That is what most people would do.
I think in your position, because money is an issue, I would start saying no when he asks to stay. You just have to tell your husbands family that you can't afford to host their children.
They can say what they want but if you can't afford it then you can't keep hosting them. It's unfortunate but you can't spend money you don't have.

You are blessed to be in that position. I would love to spoil him, and I do try my best when any of them stay with us to make it fun and have good food for them but things cost a lot nowadays and with my 3 children already it costs a lot

Absolutely! You need to tell them that you love having him but you can’t afford to feed every man and his dog. If you are providing for him, they should help towards expenses. (No wonder the poor kid loves staying at yours. They sound like selfish people.)

I'm on the fence. I don't offer my family money if my kids visit, and when I was in OPs position of having DHs siblings I would treat them and not ask for any money.
BUT, my kids only go to grandparents (who would be offended to be offered money) except the odd occasion when they've been taken out as their birthday present.
Also, I never spent out of my budget. We had home cooked meals and did activities to suit our budget. One was a fussy eater so we'd stop at a supermarket and get acceptable food, this was nowhere near the price of a takeaway. If we didn't have the money for the expensive option, we did the cheap option. I didn't present alternatives, so they just got on with it.
However, I can't imagine MIL not offering cash if I'd let slip that I was struggling with the expense of having them. So unusual to ask for money, unreasonable to not pay for their own child.

Because they love coming to our house and their parents ask or the kids ask. We do enjoy having them over I just think they should offer at least £10 for a week. Child benefit is more than that!

OP- I think people are confused and think that the 13yr old brother/nephew ordered and paid for a take-away whilst at your house.

I 'think' you mean that the in-laws have money and buy take-away when you are minding their child? Is that correct?