AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

[Lilacbluewaters]

Just wondering what people’s takes on this are. We have my husbands little brother (he’s 13) stay over at our house in some of the school holidays. Purely because he just likes to be with us and he will stay for around a week. Also our nephew comes too and so when we have to fork out food for both of them (especially things like McDonald’s) it adds up!
so we usually ask for a bit of money whilst he’s here just for things like snacks/treat night when we get a McDonald’s. I usually ask for £10-£20. Not that this matters but we are a low income family and they know that, we love having him with us but I just feel it’s the principal of it that they should give at least £10 to cover some things? Aibu? His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer! I wouldn’t send my children for a week and not give any money

A few people are suggesting the op should be saving to host her bil regularly- I am really baffled by this as she is doing the parent in laws a favour by keeping the bil for extra days at their request -as opposed to the short visit dbil and op’s family would be happy with. I think she replied to the effect of if she was in a position to save she would be saving for her own children - why should she be saving to repeatedly do her family a favour? A favour that by the sound of it isn’t really reciprocated - apart from one off help with moving (although this could be significant financial help I guess?). People seem overly focused on the £20 towards treats - it’s more just a contribution to the overall expense of a long visit for a family who don’t have spare cash to fund it. All the op is asking for us that at the end of a week of looking after other people’s children she can have one meal covered by McDonald’s. It can be more tiring hosting other people’s children than just your own. Also she could just skip the treat if it was a one off situation but this is a regular occurrence - should her dc never have a half term treat? Ok McDonald’s isn’t the most nutritious but they obviously enjoy it and it gives a little break to the op.

posters are also saying they wouldn’t ask for money but adding in the pil position they would offer/ send their child with food etc - the problem is the pil aren’t doing this and are actively refusing to contribute.

I don’t know why I am ranting about this 😂

Christ, some of the replies on here are insane. How many times do we see “don’t have children if you can’t afford them”?! OP hasn’t had these extra children, they’ve been thrust upon her repeatedly in the school holidays and she CAN’T afford to feed them for weeks at a time, as much as she wants to. Their actual parents apparently CAN afford them but instead of paying for them, keep their money to themselves for takeaways and expect OP to pick up the tab?!

Yeah I agree, the family should offer, I would

But I think its weird to ask

Family or not, ofcourse they should be sending you some money or atleast offering! My children regularly visit grandparents and stay for weeks at a time. I'd never dream of expecting our parents to fund it all.

I've been reflecting on this. Because I'm so shocked by some of the responses OP has received. My brother is a high earner and very generous with his time and money when it comes to family. I was a single parent for years. One year, him and my lovely SIL took my mum and my boys away for a week in Cornwall. I certainly couldn't afford that. I spent the week working overtime. He never asked my for a penny. But that didn't mean I didn't provide funds for treats and food and excursions. I'd have been embarrassed not to despite the big income gap between us at the time!

I think any decent people would offer to give you money towards their stay. Teenage boys can get teally hungry and take aways etc can be very expensrive.

At the vey least they should also give you a small present such as a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates to say Thank You.😻

@Lilacbluewaters Look OP you know what you should do! send all the children back to their respective parents and let them pay for the food. that way your finances will not be affected!!

When my daughter (7) goes to stay with relatives in the school holidays I always send shopping home delivery to them just before she gets there. That way she has all her favourite foods and they don't need to worry about what to offer her to eat.

OP you have had a relatively hard time on this thread, that is wrong on every level.
Basically, your parents in law very regularly send their one, and sometimes, two child(ren) to you to look after and entertain for days and sometimes even a week at a time. During this time those same parents often eat out, order take away or stay in hotels. Meanwhile, you have three children under 6 already in your 3 bed house and you are on a low wage so find money extremely tight. Nevertheless, you find the money to host them every single month but where you can’t make it work is for the eat out and go out treats teen brother in particular wants. You also often have relatives from your side but they do at least send treat money.
I think you are a saint and I question why all your spare money should be spent in this way.
If posters can’t see this is manipulative and highly unfair they have obviously never had to survive on a very low amount of money where every penny counts.
You’re here asking for advice so I would say either halve the amount of stays and simultaneously cap the amount of days and/or say no to all treats which are not paid for by parents. The boy is a teen, so tell him kindly you like him staying but there isn’t enough money in the pot for whatever it is he wants.

They should send some money yes, knowing you’re a low income family. Sounds like they are all taking advantage of your good nature.

They don't have to approve of your asking for money to cover some of his costs when he visits, but it's shocking that they think they can just refuse your request. They should either contribute some money or stop sending him over for extended stays.

I'd stop having expensive food during his stays (save treats for when it's just you and your own kids) and send him home earlier/more often. He'd be welcome to come visit, but maybe not to stay for every meal for a week!

Child allowance is for the child, not the parents. It should follow the child.

for me to accomodate thiswould mean everyone else in the household going without food, hot water and electricity so they could eat, shower and playtheir electronic games.... not everyone is comfortably off, some really do have to count every single bloody penny