AIBU to ask for money from in-laws whilst their son stays?

[Lilacbluewaters]

Just wondering what people’s takes on this are. We have my husbands little brother (he’s 13) stay over at our house in some of the school holidays. Purely because he just likes to be with us and he will stay for around a week. Also our nephew comes too and so when we have to fork out food for both of them (especially things like McDonald’s) it adds up!
so we usually ask for a bit of money whilst he’s here just for things like snacks/treat night when we get a McDonald’s. I usually ask for £10-£20. Not that this matters but we are a low income family and they know that, we love having him with us but I just feel it’s the principal of it that they should give at least £10 to cover some things? Aibu? His dad said no because we are family we shouldn’t ask for money but I think they should offer! I wouldn’t send my children for a week and not give any money

When I have my niece and nephew I tell them I’m more than happy to cook meals for them but if they want a take away then they can pay for it themselves, I definitely don’t expect anything from them for staying with me. I usually end up with a house full of their friends too that I feed!

Who says you have to go to MDonald's? Why can't you feed them with pasta (60 p a packet) and home-made cheap vegetable sauces? Say 'we are a low income family, we don't go to MDonald's. This is what we eat'. Problem solved. What you suggest is awful and penny-pinching. There is low income and there is cheap. Don't do that. If they start disliking pasta, they don't have to come and stay with you.

ah yes. The in laws ordered the takeaway not the child

Dumping a kid on other people, no matter who they are, who eats like an adult for a minimum of five days at a time without a penny toward its keep, is taking the piss. Don't be a mug, OP, either they cough up some money for his keep or he goes home after one night. You are practically sharing custody with these freeloaders! If my kids stayed that long with someone, damn right I would be offering something.

If my kids were staying with anyone for a week (other than grandparents who wouldn't take anything and spoil them rotten) I would be sending food and money. You don't expect someone else to feed them and pay to entertain them. A day out/meal out is expensive. Even an ice cream for everyone!
Very tight if they won't send him with some money, they should offer.

I'm on the fence with this. I've got a goddaughter who is in her very early 20's. She lives several hundred miles away and I don't see her very often at all. I wouldn't expect anything from her when she comes for a weekend, she's my guest. I prepare for it. I'm also low-ish income and a lone parent. I will pay for alcohol and cook nice meals, maybe one takeout. She will bring flowers and wine. I honestly wouldn't ask her to pay anything.

7 days on a regular basis isn’t a short time and usually grandparents are the ones who would be hosting? Defo not unreasonable to ask your own parent to contribute a £10 or so to the cost of hosting a sibling if the family aren’t super well off.

He gets rid of his child for a week and they don’t miss him. That’s a little weird. They should be taking you out to fancy dinners for looking out for his son. And yes, they should either provide groceries and snacks if he’s there longer than a weekend.

Personally, if somebody was having my child for a week I'd give them money and I would also buy them a gift for having them, wine/flowers or similar.

I think with a 13 year old I'd be sending him with some pocket money. Maybe the reason they haven't offered a bit of money is because this is more of a visit than a favour. If it was done as a favour I'd think most people would send money for a takeaway at least, but the dynamic is a bit different when it's more of a family visit.

It sounds like something does have to be figured out though as he will only get bigger and want/need a lot more snacks!

you should ask them directly, there’s no shame in admitting you cannot provide for 1-2 children extra for days on end, it’s not fair on you. I used to have my niece in schools holiday as her parents worked, none of us was struggling financially but my sister always gave me £50-£70 a week, some weeks i would spend more, some weeks less but she would never drop my niece off without leaving a bit of money, it’s just manners

It doesn’t matter it’s family, an overnight stay , no problem but 5-7 days is piss taking

You just have to cut back for a bit, so you’re doing what you can afford. Next time he comes to stay you say to the in laws now we can’t do any more than 2 nights, so he’ll be back Wednesday. And less weekends for a while- you have young children to feed and that’s your priority. They will just have to feed him themselves.

It’s family not a rental.

Up to you but it would be a no no in my camp. It’s family. You all budge up and accommodate. If you can’t afford takeaways, don’t bother with them. It’s about family bonding.

They are taking the piss out of you. 5/7 days every holiday? Not only are you free childcare they are saving a fortune off you.

YANBU I would never send one of my DC to stay with family without any money. Usually no more than a couple of days..Sometimes it comes back unspent. Your a low income family. 2 growing boys eat a lot. Are they also a low income family? I get the impression they're not.

The answers you’re getting are totally class-based, OP. My gran and aunty and mum always gave each other ‘housekeeping’ when staying - none of them had enough spare to feed extra people for more than a meal or two, and none of them were/are mean people, my friends were always welcome after school/to stay and eat, but more than one meal was a strain. Pooling housekeeping on visits, which were always a few days at least, meant there was cake, fresh fruit, nice cereal etc. it is normal to me to offer/accept cash with family and yours are cheeky fuckers not to offer genuinely what it costs to feed their kids, when they’re asking for the visits. Which would be nearer £50 than £10 a week, if you’re making sure they get treats. Make a fuss! Ask for what they actually cost. They’ll slag you off either way so fuck’em: do it for the kids. You sound really lovely and I bet they’ll stay in your life even if things get frosty with their parents.

I used to have my niece for the majority of the six weeks hols, never once crossed my mind to ask my sister for money and if she'd of offered I would of refused, if I couldn't afford to feed her, I wouldn't of had her.

Yabu but they are also being somewhat rude sending the kids to to you without at least a gift or some pocket money for the kids to spend.

OP, they are CF's to put it mildly.
Stop having the children and don't be embarrassed about it.
Their attitude is absolutely disgusting.

No decent person with an ounce of class about them would send children without pocket money and gifts for you.
As things are tight, they absolutely should absolutely ensure you are not out of pocket.

Really basic manners.

Stop going to McDonalds

Personally, I don't see family relationships as transactional.
I find the idea of "charging" relatives hideous.
And I think to some extent, so do you @Lilacbluewaters
Because you're saying clearly that you only want a token amount.
Although you don't have ££££ to spare
So, I think you're not asking for costs to be covered?
So what is it that you DO want?
Is it acknowledgement?

I think you need to clarify in your head what you want and aren't getting and then fix thst

I disagree feeding 4 children rather than 3 would not cost much more if meals were planned. You "don't have to spoil him", just feed him basic food.
I genuinely don't know anyone IRL who would charge their niece or nephew if they have several children of their own.

I think if moneys tight it's fine to ask for a contribution towards food, if my dd went anywhere for more than a couple of days I'd offer some money.

I took my niece on holiday and db and sil gave £50 towards food and general spending money.

You want your BIL to pay to stay with you? Jeez.