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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

920 replies

Purpleturtle43 · 26/02/2025 19:00

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 26/02/2025 19:04

Were the children born during Covid? I wonder if that's a factor somehow. I feel some parents place less importance on education due to Govt closing schools during lockdowns, which perhaps undermined the message that school is vital

Donotgogentle · 26/02/2025 19:08

Is there a point to homework in Y1?

Reading of course, but I’d struggle to take homework too seriously at that age/stage.

Also, a lot of people are disorganised.

HolySchmokes · 26/02/2025 19:09

I don’t actually agree with homework for primary children unless they’re behind (although do support reading and both of my children read before bed every night. It’s a healthy habit to have).

I used to have a lot more respect for schooling until the pandemic and subsequent strikes when it was okay to just leave our kids to it but heaven forbid if we take them on holiday for a few days in term time!

that said I have never not been involved in my children’s schooling and I’m very much involved.

just guessing but I suspect lack of time due to working, lack of energy at the end of the day and lack of interest and respect due to the pandemic.

Original poster
Purpleturtle43 · 26/02/2025 19:11

Donotgogentle · 26/02/2025 19:08

Is there a point to homework in Y1?

Reading of course, but I’d struggle to take homework too seriously at that age/stage.

Also, a lot of people are disorganised.

They get weekly spelling words and a spelling test on a Friday. I would expect parents, especially of those who are struggling with reading, to try and make an effort to help them improve.

OP posts:
SENDqueries · 26/02/2025 19:14

A lot of parents now are just absolutely exhausted. By the time I've worked a 30 hour week, done school runs, dinners, baths, bed, housework etc my brain capacity for much else is lacking

Donotgogentle · 26/02/2025 19:15

My DC didn’t have spellings to learn. But I remember in Y1 having to make a model of an Egyptian mummy and thinking fuck me this homework is actually for the parents.

We’re compliant and always did it but honestly I don’t agree with homework for that young age.

WafflingDreamer · 26/02/2025 19:17

I don't force homework, I ask if they have any and will help them log in but otherwise I'm not turning it into a battle. My eldest is in Y4 I have downloaded an app onto her tablet that has all of her spellings on, I remind her a few times a week to do it but she doesn't want to.

I'd be more likely to do homework if they were given a sheet but we have to log in and then print it ourselves and then photograph it to submit it. It's such a lot of time especially when mine have an activity most nights after school, the days they don't they are with their dad and he won't do homework.

I was good with reading with my eldest but my middle is ND and hates reading so it has always caused a massive meltdown which I don't want to have to deal with over reading

FrodisCapering · 26/02/2025 19:17

My children are in Reception and Year 1.
I can't see what COVID has to do with anything - it's just an excuse at this point.

My Reception child has books to read at home every week and my Year 1 has different homework every night. Tonight was two pages of maths, a reading book and a list of eight words to practice writing/learning ahead of a spelling test on Friday. It's not much!

I really feel for you, OP. You shouldn't have to be chasing homework or providing supplies. People are so quick to judge teachers but, unless parents are working alongside them, the system will collapse.

Original poster
Purpleturtle43 · 26/02/2025 19:17

SENDqueries · 26/02/2025 19:14

A lot of parents now are just absolutely exhausted. By the time I've worked a 30 hour week, done school runs, dinners, baths, bed, housework etc my brain capacity for much else is lacking

I know, I feel exactly the same way trust me, but I would still never not support my child with their learning.

OP posts:
0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:18

There's a lot of evidence that spelling tests/rote learning words has little benefit at that age.

Parents should be trying to fit regular reading in but its really hard for working parents mon - fri. Are you pitching the books at the right level? If the books are too hard (or too easy/boring) the kids won't want to engage.

mynameiscalypso · 26/02/2025 19:18

My child is in Year 1 and gets far too much homework. Like many others, he's also in afterschool club so we don't get home until 5.30/6 and have to fit in dinner/bath/downtime. A lot of us parents have stopped being as diligent as when the year started because it was making our children stressed and miserable.

Doublebubblegum · 26/02/2025 19:18

Are you sure the instructions/requests to parents are really clear and straightforward in what they are asking?

My kids have been in two different primary schools and each time the communication from the schools has been really quite poor. Confusing, mixed messages, not enough notice about things etc etc. Text messages about things but not specifying what class it's about (so when you two kids in two different year groups it's not clear which one the message is for).

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:19

Its also unusual for parents to be asked to send pencils and indoor shoes.... ive never had to send these.

Original poster
Purpleturtle43 · 26/02/2025 19:19

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:18

There's a lot of evidence that spelling tests/rote learning words has little benefit at that age.

Parents should be trying to fit regular reading in but its really hard for working parents mon - fri. Are you pitching the books at the right level? If the books are too hard (or too easy/boring) the kids won't want to engage.

Absolutely, I go out of my way to do so, even though it makes much more work for me.

OP posts:
0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:20

My Reception child has books to read at home every week and my Year 1 has different homework every night. Tonight was two pages of maths, a reading book and a list of eight words to practice writing/learning ahead of a spelling test on Friday. It's not much!

When is a working parent supposed to fit this in if they only pick up from asc at 6pm? A year 1 child needs supper, bath & bed.

I know of no state primaries who set that much every single night.

spoodlesee · 26/02/2025 19:20

It's tiredness most likely, 2 parents working, other dc, having to battle to get dc to read to them, probably think I'll do it tmw but then tmw is more of the same.
There are a lot more demands on parents now vs when I was dc & dc need a lot more stuff.

Original poster
Purpleturtle43 · 26/02/2025 19:21

Doublebubblegum · 26/02/2025 19:18

Are you sure the instructions/requests to parents are really clear and straightforward in what they are asking?

My kids have been in two different primary schools and each time the communication from the schools has been really quite poor. Confusing, mixed messages, not enough notice about things etc etc. Text messages about things but not specifying what class it's about (so when you two kids in two different year groups it's not clear which one the message is for).

Absolutely, I know what that's like so go out of my way to make it clear. It's been the same structure of homework for the last 6 months. I just wish parents would message me and opt out if they don't want to engage with it as I have to provide it unless they do.

OP posts:
spoodlesee · 26/02/2025 19:21

I think homework in Yr 1 is to much tbh

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:21

Given the evidence against spellings at this age, why are you sending those?

Blantyre23 · 26/02/2025 19:21

SENDqueries · 26/02/2025 19:14

A lot of parents now are just absolutely exhausted. By the time I've worked a 30 hour week, done school runs, dinners, baths, bed, housework etc my brain capacity for much else is lacking

As a former teacher and single parent, after working a 60-hour week I was one of those exhausted parents too.

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:22

I know, I feel exactly the same way trust me, but I would still never not support my child with their learning

Do you work full time? What time do you pick up your DC from childcare each day?

Original poster
Purpleturtle43 · 26/02/2025 19:23

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:21

Given the evidence against spellings at this age, why are you sending those?

It's the council policy, not my decision. I would happily do without it, it's been nothing but a headache this year!

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 26/02/2025 19:23

I'm an engaged parent but I work with a wide range of parents. My thoughts are:

  • Some are overwhelmed either due to health issues, difficult circumstances or worries about money etc and don't have the bandwidth to deal with school issues
  • Some believe it is school's responsibility to teach their child and don't feel they have a role
  • Some are 'anti school' - it didn't do them any good and there's no point or the kids are too young and should just be playing, so don't engage

Some kids are behind due to SEN etc but some are behind because their parents don't see the value in reading etc, so some of the ones who need the most help get the least.

Blantyre23 · 26/02/2025 19:23

0ohLarLar · 26/02/2025 19:19

Its also unusual for parents to be asked to send pencils and indoor shoes.... ive never had to send these.

I haven’t either. My DC’s school provided pencils.

Legodaisy · 26/02/2025 19:23

YABU because there is no need for homework at that age. I would be unhappy with that as a parent.

My Y1 child read independently in bed every night, and chatted about topics to me. That was it. They don’t need to be doing at home learning at that age.