Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

I have a son in year 1, and a 3yo daughter in nursery. We both work full time. We don't do homework. We started out doing it in reception, but ds was crying himself to sleep because he was so worried about not being perfect. He cries because of the pressure not to be anything less than perfect (a green card) at school everyday (even though he never has been). He cries because he is anxious, has ongoing health conditions (1 surgery out of 3 behind us), and because he doesn't get enough of us. I can't even imagine if spellings were dumped on top!

We quit homework. The books are boring and the maths app is awful. We buy/borrow other reading scheme books instead, which he loves, and he is with 2 other kids in the top/last phonics band for the entire year. We buy a lot of maths/logic books, because he was assessed by nhs child development as 5+ yeas ahead in this area and undestimulated and hyperactive as a result. We read everyday before bed, we craft, do puzzles, etc, related to his interests. He wrote and illustrated (poorly but v cute!) a bloody book over the Easter holidays based on his current favourite story!

Just because some parents aren't filling in reading journals or following the 1 size fits all approach for education doesn't mean they're not engaged.

I also can't believe spellings and tests are in the best interest of year 1 kids. Maybe the school needs to coordinate with the council on this?

That's always been the same.

Single parent, working full time 5 days a week (not 3 days a week) three children, a commute.
Sole responsibility for cooking, shopping, cleaning and all household tasks.

All the apps for different homework is a nightmare with login codes , reading etc. not to mention all the different events, activities, reading, spellings

One single sheet a night to be completed and returned would be much more likely to be done

It's all too much for a 5 year old anyway

My DS often doesn't do homework. He's autistic, only just manages the school day and has a long journey before and after school. By the time he gets in at 4.00, he's mental done and sits with a blanket over his head for at least an hour to block out the world and re-regulate. By the time he'd be in any state to actually do it, we need to be getting on with tea & bed.

He also doesn't like the blurring of home and school stuff, and needs the transition to be absolute. Getting school stuff out at home causes issues, in the same was casual cloths at school does.

We actually do a fair amount of educational stuff at home and read for pleasure at bedtime. I'd rather he continues to do that happily and willingly, then battle with him to read the 'right' book for school.

Oh gosh yes.

'Your child needs to bring in their pe kit tomorrow' for x activity we haven't mentioned until now

WHICH CHILD?!

Hardly any of them read at home. We ask for one signature per read (5 a week).

I rarely signed that sheet. We rarely read the crappy books she was sent home with. They bored all of us stupid and we had much more interesting stuff for her to do. Reading in her life was always something she chose to do when she wanted it, reading whatever she chose. Not as a nightly chore reading the dirge that passes for primary school reading books.

It's not quite as simple as that when you teach kids. That's why so many teachers work way more hours than they are paid for.

You sound like a great teacher OP! Please don’t lose hope. What percentage of the parents do engage with what you are offering and do you receive any words of gratitude from the parents? I think my DS’ year 1 teacher does a wonderful job!
My DS can be super tired after school and needs some low demand time so we sometimes practise spellings on the way up to school - or when he has a bit more energy. He also reads his book before bed. That’s all we are asked to do as yet from his teacher.

I actually think this is quite a lot every night.

I do think that parents should be making sure children have everything they need for school, but I don't think they should have a large amount of compulsory homework at this age.

I would guess it's a mixture of reasons and you've ended up with a perfect storm this year.

Parents who would love to be engaged but they are stressed at work / caring for an ill relative / working horrible shifts / something else.

Parents who hated every minute of school and only really see it as free childcare.

Parents who think their child is a genius and the homework is a waste of time (probably half of them will be correct and half really badly wrong!)

I honestly think it's a sad indictment of the quality of our education system and teacher training that yr1 children are being sent home with spelling homework.

There's many parents here quoting the latest research and clearly a teacher doesn't know it, abysmal.

That's always been the same.

No it hasn't.

5 year olds aren't suffering for not doing homework. I have a Yr 1 and a yr 6 child. Homework is not a battle im having with a 5 year old, luckily he does the 3 pages he gets a week on Sunday without complaint but anymore than that and I wouldn't be forcing him to do it as I think its pointless at this age. We do make sure we read every single night, him to me and me to him. I do sometimes forget to sign his reading record, though. In between both of us working full time and everything else that needs doing, it's not always easy to keep up with everything. My children are progressing brilliantly, so I'm not worried about them suffering because i forgot to pop their reading book back in their book bag. Maybe just accept that most people are doing their best but aren't perfect.

I know it's hard, but it depends whether it's a priority or not in your family

It's a hell of a lot easier to prioritize homework and reading when you are prioritizing it over going to the park or baking cakes rather than prioritizing it over getting to your 2nd job on time or getting round to your terminal parents house to provide care for them or making sure you can get the kids in to bed before your abusive DH comes home so they don't have to witness it

I often find people on MN have very little idea about just how far removed from their own some people's situations are

Life in 2025 isn't the same as when many of us were infant school pupils.

My parents both worked long hours and we had childminders but I was hyperlexic and reading alone at 3, doing maths from 3, I was mostly OK left to my own devices with a reminder to do it from my mum.

Time was at a premium during the week but if I needed help, my mum would try.

Letters came home in the bottom of the school bag, or in the reading folder.

Compared to now, where I was reviewing every single letter via email, and every single notice with any kind of info, sports stuff, newsletter, requests, absolutely everything is digital.

Current secondary better than the last one, thankfully. Except every single thing, no matter how small, has to be downloaded to my device (ie my phone) to be read. I rarely open any emails, which has started biting me on the butt recently, but I'm too overwhelmed and have irlens syndrome.

We are expected to flog ourselves to pay bills, run the house, feed everyone, do life admin, parent the kids and to read every single letter sent via email and respond if necessary, plus get 5 minutes somehow to stop, and get to sleep again, for it all to begin again the next day.

It's no longer just a reading book and perhaps a couple of spellings - it's this app, that teams software, we didn't have a computer or laptop or suitable tablet for a very long time and couldn't access things. Teams has never, ever worked on a single one of my devices either.

My household are neurodivergent and my youngest is dyslexic. She went to a couple of primaries, each dailed her, I took her out to be home educated for a couple of years in the end and that's when she finally began engaging with books again. School had put so much pressure on her. And me. They treated me terribly. She has sen ffs.

I don't agree with homework before secondary. Reading is important but I'd be more inclined to get more staff or volunteers in to listen to them reading so it was all done in school, and ask families to read books from home or the library etc, and encourage them to talk about their books in school to make them more fun.

I reckon it'll continue to go the way you're experiencing parents now, the demands of modern life are overwhelming and so many parents are burnt the fuck out.

Well, it is.

You can’t change attitudes. All you can do is teach them as best you can in the classroom.

I agree, my first dc were born in the 70's. You described both their life (and mine in the 60's!)

I’m one of the minority who loved a project and would’ve really got into it if I’d been given even a couple of days notice to buy/source the materials etc.

My DC have reading ages well beyond their age. And truthfully? I didn’t push it on them. DS is AuDHD and it’s impossible to get him to do homework without meltdowns. He wasn’t diagnosed in primary, so would’ve been considered a ‘normal’ kid. Getting him to do homework nearly broke me and one of the best things about a diagnosis was realising it was like trying to teach a fish to tap dance. I had so much guilt about not having done his spellings that I was exhausted and ashamed, so it made it even harder to contemplate.

but I read a lot to him, watch the news together and talk a lot which is just as important as reading.

Im very much into education and was a total swot as a child who loved homework! The thought that my child didn’t really upset me.

Thats a long way of saying that it’s going to be different factors in every family

For the record I don't like homework as a parent or teacher. I would much rather just give reading books with some additional practise when required if a child is struggling. Unfortunately it's not my decision to make. I just wish if parents didn't want to do it they would opt out as until they do that I have to provide it.

DS is SEN, and homework is optional in this house. I will always support and help but I will never force it.

He comes home from school burnt out most days and can learn the contents of the homework much better through play.

We've tried to get him to sit at a table with pen and paper and modelled letters and shapes and mark making but unless he wants to engage it won't happen.

His school have never required indoor shoes or books in bags though. We send a pair of mud boots at the beginning of the year and they use those outdoors if the weather is particularly bad but PE kits are worn all day on PE day and shoes aren't changed unless necessary.

The books they want to read are online books and again I can't get him to engage in online content so it doesn't happen.

I think many parents are now recognising that the education system in our country is circling the drain and have given up.

I wonder sometimes whether some of it is based on horrible experiences in school when they were children. Maybe I'm projecting but I hated school, the teachers were just as much bullies as the kids and they loved their pedantic pointless micromanaging and power trips. My kids parents evening still brings me out in a cold sweat. I absolutely resent how much school think they can control our lives. It's compulsory to give you our kids from 4 years old, we're totally bound by the schools schedules and constantly changing demands, then you think you can tell us how to live in the evenings and holidays too. I don't do the daily reading book, spellings, phonics to memorise and maths worksheets with my primary kids because in our brief precious time between work and school we play, do arts and crafts, music lessons, go to the park, play in the woods, go to swimming and sports classes and a hundred other things I think is more important and I know school rarely have time for. I think reading to my kids is more important than them reading to me. When we are separated all day we need that time to share an amazing story together. Trying to force them to stumble through biff and chip really adds nothing to our day. I value my kids education but I do it my way when they're not in school time. Perhaps parents are just less obedient than they used to be generations ago and school isn't adapting to changing times.

I can't believe how entitled some of the pp are! My child doesn't like homework so we don't do it!? Wtf. Unless you got a SEN kid at home (and I do and I struggled with him) I don't get it. What you are teaching your child: if you don't like something you don't have to do it. Can't wait until they tell their future employers that 🙄. Or better: homework isn't necessary. Maybe you should trust the teacher, the professional. @Purpleturtle43 I feel so sorry for you having to deal with these shitty attitudes. You sound like a great teacher but unfortunately you can't force parents to parent...

In my house we try and get everything done BUT if it is a homework set that doesn't actually teach them much of anything such as making a model or poster I very much leave it up to my children, because what is the point if the parents are having to do it.

It’s not just ‘homework’ for the sake of it
its being involved in your child’s learning journey
i know of parents saying ‘we don’t know what their learning, what going on ie disco Red Nose Day ‘
they get paper copies, class / whole school dojo posts
they are not looked at