Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Equipment I agree, and I read with mine every day but to be honest I judge teachers who set ks1 primary homework pretty badly as there is very little evidence for it. I don’t expect drs to prescribe treatments for my children unless they’re evidence based and I expect the same from their teacher.

I have a theory.
When mine were at school we struggled with organisation and homework mainly because of one of my dc’s autism, and his difficulties in school which led to lots of meltdowns. I’m certain teachers thought we were unengaged, when in reality we were drowning in stress and really struggling.

Modern life, cost of living, covid and all its ramifications, rising rates of mental illness, fear for the future (climate change, failing NHS etc) means more adults are struggling and disconnected.

Covid lockdowns and restrictions seem to mean that more children are showing signs of special needs, so as well as teachers struggling in the classroom, parents are also struggling.

There’s nothing like a child with SN to decimate your home routine and organisation skills.

I think it’s likely a societal problem that needs different approaches than solely blaming parents.

2 pairs of shoes? That's around £70 on shoes that they could outgrow within months!

@spoodlesee I just sit with my DD's on my lap as she reads. That way I can't forget.

Hardly, I just bought my son his from Decathlon at the weekend and they were £9.99.

Primaries near me , you just wear pe kit to school all day on pe days . They've been doing this since COVID and it's great.

I wouldn’t say don’t bother.

But I think less judgemental attitude towards the parents of your class would be good. Especially to the point of starting a mumsnet thread.

DS Y1 has reading every night, spellings twice a week, easimaths on the computer weekly and a project twice a year (usually something crafty but easy). End of last year some of the parents on the WhatsApp group didn't even know what easimaths was, there were meant to have been don't it for a year and moan about lack of progression but do reading once a week and no spellings.. We both work full time, I know life is busy.

We don't have to provide pencils or indoor slots but we do have to provide wellies that stay in school for outdoor learning.
Pe kit they go in for the whole day in it which I think is much better.
I did accidentally send DS in in uniform on a pe day first term because the days changed, but DH ran home and dropped it off.

I can struggle to keep up with wear green Friday, the pta want jam jars, non uniform but only a jumper vs full non uniform, bring in a pound for an Easter raffle, bring a soft toy in to draw, bring in a book when it's not world book day, because we do seem to get information constantly and if don't put it in the calendar straight away (or DH) it's a lot to remember, but the bits that are around learning are the priority.

OP you keep saying you get it but you work three days a week?! In a house with two full time working parents the level of admin we have to deal with from school is frankly bonkers and as others have said i really do feel that homework for such young children is a "nice to have" - great if you have time but not worth anyone getting stressed about. We read DS's reading book once or twice a week at home so we're probably on the naughty pile of parents who "don't read enough" with the teacher - but the truth is we do a lot of other reading with him when we're out and about or at home or reading his stories before bed, he's much more engaged with it when it doesn't feel like a chore, but it doesn't put a tick in a box in his homework book.

We would have the same problem with providing wellies, although many do as they don't like their shoes getting muddy.

@GrazeConcern It won't be the individual teachers' choice re homework. Homework is based on school policy. If you have an issue with it, see the school's headteacher.

Homework needs to be minimal, it's too much for the dc, teachers and children. For bright and willing children it's great, i used to love Homework lol. But with ND, it becomes a battle, a farce, impossible really! I've been a teacher for 30 years and this has become my view. Xx

@Covidwoes you're a hero too. How are you meant to get the pupils to progress without consolidation from home? It must be incredibly frustrating.

We have to write comments on their reading logs - tricky words, could they read most of it fluently, could they retell the story in their own words, could they answer comprehension questions? It really is not onerous.
It is the job of parents to listen to our children read, to read to them and to make sure there are books all over the place for them to read as they like.

My children read loads but never the school reading books, as they are boring (their words). I don't enforce homework as I feel they are at school 6 hours a day, I work full time and they go to wrap around care, I'm not engaging in meltdowns to do 20 minutes of work, I do spelling and maths practice in different games so they don't realise we are doing school work.

My kids are bright and thriving, if they were struggling I would reassess but they aren't. I'm an engaged parent but would probably be seen by the school as lacking in what they want me to do.

@Covidwoes I have more than one dc & often one is reading in the car to me whilst the other is playing a sport etc & invariably I misplace my car pen.

YABU about homework. We never did any in primary, I would always tell the teacher we weren’t going to do it (very nicely and the teachers in our schools were always in agreement with homework being pointless at that age). I work in education and I don’t believe in it for primary aged children. They should be playing when they’re not at school, not doing more learning - the school day is long enough and children need to play.

My DC was always working at greater depth in primary because the things I did encourage - always - were reading and play. I heavily restricted screen time (they had almost none) and I would always say yes to a new book (I could afford this, which I know many can’t).

YANBU about PE kits and having the books in the bag, but we’ve all made this slip up once.

Also, most parents work. It’s really stressful dealing with extra school stuff - art projects, homework, world book day costumes, etc, on top of jobs. Schools ask for too much of that stuff, imo.

nah, I wouldn't have done that

Really interesting post OP as I have a very different perspective as a full time working and commuting mum.

I’ve found communication is terrible from primary ( and also some secondary) schools.

Michael McIntyre’s skit about the kid announcing it’s ’Roman day’ 5 minutes before 9 was my life for 7+
years.

granted forms would go missing in the bottom
of school bags, but there’s really no excuse for bad communication nowadays. But DCs school didn’t have official class WhatsApp groups.

the parents one was useful after I found out about it.

but even if they sent a start of term timetable with important dates, it would be really helpful.

I use for tear my hair out every time i
found out I had to make a castle from collected toilet rolls the night before. Even a day’s notice would give you time to purchase a world book day outfit from Amazon prime.

We do homework daily though so still doing it on the days I work. However my own situation is just an aside really. I myself personally can't make the homework any more basic due to the school/council policy. I give them minimum I am able to. What is taking up the time is constantly sending out reminders but maybe I just need to manage my expectations and not bother. It just doesn't sit well with me though as I know the kids will suffer.

My DC is in Y4.

We read every night, he has weekly spellings to learn and two pieces of homework each week, maths and a topic homework.

We do usually do all of them, but to be honest his topic is sometimes a bit crappy and that’s the one that causes us grief.

A lot of the time it requires significant parental help/input. Ie not just getting them to sit down and do the odd bit of writing, but is something that you need to spend 45 min on together, that they can’t do without significant help.

I’ll be honest the topic homework is never marked/given back to him/commented on. So on the occasions where we really have made an effort there’s no positive feedback which (rightly or wrongly) makes it feel a bit pointless.

It was worse in younger years when it was make a poster/collage using natural materials you can find in your neighbourhood etc or make a model of x y or z. Sometimes you’d see parents coming in with these large papier-mâché models etc that evidently hadn’t been completed by the 6 year old.

I know some children in the class don’t bother with homework at all. We do do it, and if it’s something he’s shown a particular interest in then I’m happy to devote extra time to it, (eg dc enjoys maths so will often do the optional extra challenge) but a lot of the time it’s a struggle to fit in and feels like a box ticking exercise.

@Octonaut4Life a parent of a child in my class has 4 children, and is remarkably one of the more engaged set of parents! both parents work FT, and they do reading five times a week. They also have no family support. They just prioritise it. I know it's hard, but it depends whether it's a priority or not in your family. It's great that you do bedtime stories. I'd accept that as a read!

YABU about homework! We read with our kids every night but I dont agree with homework at this age. What's the rational for giving the kids homework, aren't they only 5/6?

They’re 5, they don’t need homework they need bath and bed! Unfortunately mine were in wraparound care 7.30/8-6 4-5 days per week at that age and as a single parent it was only me at home, with 2 young children. Lots of weekends they went to their dads who would not support any reading, homework, projects and would regularly not bring back school shoes, book bags, water bottles, would take the letters and newsletters out of their bags so I had no clue what was going on.
My 5 year old was falling asleep in the car on the way home, and I was having to wake them up with enough time to only get dressed and leave.
The number of things schools put on and expect parents to remember is ridiculous, we used to take PE kit in and leave it at school on your peg for half a term before it went home for washing. Now we have to remember indoor kit, outdoor kit, cupcake sale, mufti day, charity something or other, bring a monkey to school.
The “phonics workshops” are put on before any normal job has finished, there seems to be an attitude that there was a stay at home/very part time parent about to participate in/facilitate all manner of last minute dress up days/projects.

We do reading at home, spellings, but we don't do the other sorts of homework. We are far too busy with after school activities. Plus building a pyramid out of cardboard isn't exactly extended learning. School is school and home is home, they spend the majority of their time at school, I'd rather have quality time at home with my children. And them do activities they enjoy and are enrichment.

Thank you. I honestly feel like I knock my pan in providing reading books, ensuring they are changed every week, listening to their reading, chasing up books which haven't been sent back before giving a new one etc. I always make sure I provide printed homework too.

I knock my pan in doing my job too. Sometimes my clients take what I did and stick it in a drawer. It's what I get paid to do.