Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Just lots of grass which gets muddy when it rains 🤷🏼‍♀️

its my fault it strayed.

However, as a parent who is also a qualified TA for nursery/reception age kids (which is the age in question) but who has her own kids in GCSE/College time of life, the point i'm making is that the crap the schools start with homework, apps, and requests of parents time outside school hours is the thin end of the wedge.

They start small, then as your kids go through school they expect more and more input from parents, more and more time, more and more homework is set that really, is parents homework, not the kids.. make this, wear this, bring this, buy that.

Then someone like the OP comes on and asks why some parents don't engage... because we likely have older kids, learned the hard way, and know its bullshit.

The reality is teachers can not continue to tackle issues of parental disengagement; they are not social workers, nor are they trained to control classrooms with angry, violent children. They can not effectively teach a syllabus/curriculum to a full class if it includes disengaged, disruptive children. They are not trained to educate classes containing high and varying levels of SEN. This is just the truth, it is simply not part of current University teacher training. Whether teacher training needs to change is one question, but it would attract a different kind of person and actually is this right anyway.
I do have empathy for many parents struggling and needing more help of various kinds, particularly those with SEN and or disabled children. Apart from this, I do think parents need to prioritise helping their own children with their individual educational journeys.
Schools do need to get their communications simplified and activities should not go ahead without direct to parent communication offering plenty of time. They need to work with parents and stop being political.

Over the thread there also seems to be a lack of empathy from Teachers that sometimes its not just the kids with SEN and disabilities.. sometimes its also the parents.

My kids school i have to keep track of Facebook, instagram, my emails, 3 apps, 2 websites, text messages and check her bag for letters... they all support different things the school needs from me. DD has another 3 on top of that.
My ADHD can't do it, it can't.

IF anything, i would give my right arm for ONE PORTAL THAT DOES IT ALL for parent AND child.

For the love of god PLEASE.... Communication home, homework, tracking attendence/behaviour. All in ONE PLACE. just stick to ONE THING

I don't engage with homework for primary school, for a number of reasons, I find it hard to find the time to help them, it has been shown to have little to no benefit for primary aged children, we have after-school clubs they enjoy that take priority, they deserve down time, I wouldn't do work at home either. I will however so my best to ensure they read every day and practice timetables. But I won't always write in the book because I forget. I will provide what they need though and make sure as best I can that they have everything they need.

Not saying this is the case for those not providing shoes, but if you want your child wearing good quality shoes, as they are in them all day, and want foot shaped/barefoot shoes not all the thick tapered ones that are cheap you are definitely looking at £70

👏👏👏👏 absolutely agree

Organizing suggestion:

Set up an email that is ONLY used for your child/children. I started mine 5 yrs ago.
Its only for

school
Clubs/sports

Dont use for:
parent contact list (school parents are worst for sharing your emails without asking !)
Dont use this email buying stuff, loyalty cards or anything that gets junk mail.

Since doing this kids school related stuff doesn’t get lost in my emails.

Exactly. And no, home school is a luxury few can afford. I wouldn't mind doing it, but I have to work.

I'm not convinced that getting a good education means doing spelling lists. Most homework seems to be "busy work" that does not really add value. Overloading kids with pointless tasks that don't engage them is a great way to put them off education.

I don't subscribe to this idea that younger kids need to learn to do homework. It seems more like a developmental stage thing, and not something you should push early.

Is age 9 considered young to get used to doing homework ?
OP is giving it to much younger kids

Evidence only shows benefit in secondary school.

Not TRFT but the OP may be tied by a school policy that requires HW to be set on top of reading.

What’s TRFT

Because they are 6/7 years old and expecting them to do homework is ridiculous? Parents are working full time and trying to keep a roof over their heads and a million demands from school are not top priority?
I spend a lot of time teaching high level leaders about work life balance, most organisations recognise the importance of avoiding presenteeism, and strive to prevent staff having to work outside of the working day so they can recharge and have a work life balance in order to thrive at work. Yet…..we drum it into kids from age 5 that they must take work home, work outside of normal hours if they want to succeed and ‘be good’. They have to unlearn that as adults. Bonkers.

I think its RTFT - read the full thread

I wasn’t aware of very much research on it tbh
Ive read the piece by Lecturer at Hull Uni of course

It’s a bit mixed
Good in some ways but not in all basically. Seems very much against the very young.

Like most full time working parents, I’m totally exhausted when I pick up my DC at 6pm, and so are my kids. After snack, TV, shower, my Y1 has daily spelling and maths on Doodle app, writing practice, trying to learn common exception words, a bit of times tables, reading and then me reading to him. I also have an older child with a similar work load and 11plus tutor homework. I do it but it can take an hour every night. I could cry with exhaustion and by Friday, I think F it.

I feel under pressure from the school, other parents and my DH to do this and at 7pm, it’s the last thing I would rather be doing!

I only had reading and spelling when I was in primary. Schools are asking too much.

RTFT. My error.

The world is a more demanding, competitive place today than it was 30 or 40 years ago. British kids are competing with Chinese kids who are in school for 14-16 hours a day. Parents need to instil disciplined learning and studying habits in their children.

Well in our case it's not a luxury. It was literally life or death for our child.
Walk in our shoes and you will do what it takes to save your child

Of course. A poor choice of words on my part, I think. I meant to point out that "just homeschool" isn't that easy.

Why? Why do we have to "compete"? If we do, does spelling lists at 8 really help? Seems to me it would just squash the kind innovation we need.

Just wanted to update OP on something that might interest her...
My reception (eldest) child, 5 years of tender age, already hates homework, he cries every time at the mere word.
We've made it a game from the beginning, and he enjoyed the interaction it brought.
However he resents it, resents the time it takes away from him.
He wants to come home, play with his 3 year old brother for a few minutes before tea time, make laugh to his baby sister.
Bath and bed.
I've stopped attempting doing homework on weekdays. He comes home shattered after paying attention all day. He needs to unwind.
He's going to have a whole life of duty.
Let them be children FFS.
I already get the tears at 5 years old saying he hates homework and that doesn't want to go to school.
And it's a great school, he has lots of fun, and he learns.
Yet look at the behaviour I get.
I'm going to stop calling it homework and I need to erase this animosity against school work and attendance as he's not on a good road there.
But I tell you, sending homework at 5 years of age is not helping.
We used to read a story every night before bed time, some times more than one! first just him, then him and little brother, and when baby sister is awake enough and not too tired.
And we still do, but only 50% of the nights, because we know we've got to factor in school books and we need to ask comprehension questions and he's started to resist and something he used to absolutely LOVE now look. ..
Just having the completely opposite at the desired effect.