Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

No pencil case. School preferred it that way so there’s no nonsense over stuff getting lost.

Older boy now in high school but it’s a highly funded independent (Specialist ASD school) and he doesn’t need any stationery.

Youngest is also in specialist state provision and nothing needed there.

Shoes makes sense in that scenario but it’s still a pain. I’d be annoyed at having to provide two pairs of shoes for school to be honest but would do it.

It's a private school, so I don't have anything to compare it to. Me and my husband both work full time though. Monday is swimming, Tuesday is chess club, Saturday is a language lesson - I get it, we are all busy people. There's still time to fit in 20mins of homework.

Believe me I get it, I have 3 school aged children of own, one of which is dyslexic and needs a great deal of support. Maybe I just need to change my attitude and not bother myself.

Also year one, I'd expect no pencil.casea and pencils provided by school.

As for muddy school, can't they just keep wellies at school and leave them there? We do that and have lots of spares as kids grow out of them and parents don't want them back.

I agree that asking to bring pencils/pens and “indoor shoes”, and then blaming the parents when this isn’t done, is ridiculous. Never come across a school where this is needed. Simple resources like pencils should be provided, and always are in my experience.

As for PE kits, we are on the second one this year because they keep being “lost” in school. Also lost about five jumpers, with only one still remaining. Everything thoroughly labelled. Parents aren’t made of money to keep replacing stuff. You can’t possibly know if the parents “didn’t bother”, or if the child just keeps leaving it at afterschool club.

I didn't do homework because the evidence for it is weak, what was actually provided had the appearance of busy work most of the time and it was the cause of a lot of conflict at home. We did lots of other educational things, but not the homework that was sent home.

Otherwise I went out of my way to engage with school and provide what was needed. I was a SAHM and we were well off so had the resources for it but it wasn't straightforward and I can see why a lot of parents might find it difficult.

For a start, communication was poor. We received information on what was needed in many different ways (emails, letters home, texts, flyers and parent meetings, etc.), it was frequently incorrect or contradictory, there was no central place to refer to and notice was often far too short.

For instance, we received a letter home one night telling us to send our kids in in a particular colour T-shirt the next day. We did not have the color T-shirts required. Lots of things requested were never used - I provided wellies, as asked for, when my kids started, they frequently came home with wet feet, kids said they went out in the rain, then and when I asked the teacher why they didn't use the wellies she said "Oh, we never do, they take too long." Which is fair enough, but I had bought those wellies as asked for and they sat all year at the school unused. Similar issue with a stocked pencil case. That sort of thing makes me reluctant to buy requested items until I know for sure they'll be used. Items being lost and damaged - coats and PE kit going missing, indelible ink markers used which get all over white shirts, etc. I can manage all this at home, and understand why it's not so possible for a teacher with a class of 30 - but the school is the one insisting on the uniform, so they ought to do more to make that work as lots of parents really can't afford to replace things. Letters home (illegally) telling us we have to pay for theatre lesson, swimming lessons, non-uniform days, etc. Again - not something a lot of parents can really afford.

As I said, apart from homework, I made sure as far as I could that my kids had what was asked for and kept to the requirements. I volunteered in school and very much appreciated my kids' teachers efforts and told them so. But I can see why a lot of parents might find schools daunting and asking too much. Also, how the constant expense and last minute requests might wear down enthusiasm they had before their kids started. And that's without taking into account the parents whose own experiences of school were really negative and so mean they don't respect the value of education or the efforts of teachers. Or the parents who just don't buy into the idea that school style education is vitally important for their children.

Spelling homework is pointless when the child gets 59/60 out of 60 on the baseline assesment at the start of term. They don't give my child any challenges and wonder why they are bored. As parents we support each child's efforts and set up opportunities through afterschool activities but are also giving them skills that overwork is not good long term and setting boundaries and enjoying life's journey is just as important. School is great at molding the equivalent of worker bees, just my thoughts but then blind obedience was never my thing!

I feel like this OP, and I teach a class of 30
Year 3s. Hardly any of them read at home. We ask for one signature per read (5 a week). Hardly difficult. I am a working parent myself, and just sign my DD's reading record as she reads. I don't care so much about homework, but the lack of reading is so frustrating. I actually had one parent say to me at parents' evenings "Isn't that your job?" I don't understand why parents don't want to read to their kids. "I work/I don't have time" isn't an excuse. We are all busy.

I am also constantly chasing consent for things like trips. Parents can do this on their phones, and still don't do it, despite reminders.

As the years go on, more and more parents are becoming disengaged with school. What upsets me is when it affects the child. One girl often tells me her parents just won't read with her, and she cries telling me this. I've spoken to them, but nothing changes.

As for homework, in my case, it’s too bloody much and I’m unwell and the most I can do is feed my kids and keep them loved and alive before I collapse into bed.

When my dd was in Y2, she has books to read for her record and topic project once every half term. Fast forward a few years, ds in Y2, it’s reading and topic project, plus 10 spelling words to practice twice a week, plus maths, plus SATS practice reading comprehension questions. If I did all of it, it would probably take an hour a day at least. And he’s not my only dc so multiply that by 2 plus a bit more.

And on top of it, I have cancer and the treatment means I’m exhausted by the end of the day. I keep everyone alive, but I can’t be up til 9pm fighting with a 6 year old over an hour’s worth of homework. I’m in bed by 8 usually and Dh has to do all of bath and bedtime and tidying up the kitchen and getting uniform and bags ready. Every term it seems they lob more and more on for them to do and it feels impossible to keep up with.

I’m generally pretty good at sending things in, but communication is poor. We get one email every 2 weeks and often the admin has to recall it because of too many errors or she sends the email meant for a different school in the trust. Or just no one tells us and the teachers who are parents end up sending a message on the class WhatsApp the night before when they realise no one ever sent the email.

I know, it's more of a pain getting 30 6 year olds to change shoes 6 times a day than it is providing one pair of cheap shoes!

Over the years with my kids and various relatives kids I've taken to school/picked up etc across several different schools no primary school age child has ever had to take a pencil case. The supplies are supplied by the school.

In answer to your question a lot of peoples home life is chaotic, some kids might be with 3 different caregivers/houses between school and bed, then there is non English speaking households, deprived households, exhausted parents, lazy parents, apathetic parents, unwell parents, young carers etc etc. I think if the child arrives to school everyday or even most days in some cases they are doing well

No, @Purpleturtle43 !
Keep on keeping on. You're doing a wonderful job. You have high expectations and that's exactly right.

Homework is a battle you won’t win op. Also a primary teacher of ( too) many years with my own children.

We went from an online portal thing which also marked and gave next steps for the children to homework books this year.

Same parents ‘forget’ the books , can’t log in, won’t do it with their kids etc.

I never chase up homework being done or not ( Y4) but I would point out the lack of home support from any of the parents who tell me their child is falling behind and try to pin all the blame on me.

My daughter has additional needs and the homeowrk is never tailored to her. It is just the same as everyone elses even though she is 3 years behind.
It just ends up me doing it.
Reading books - they let her pick her own. She can never actually read them! I have purchased books at home that are actually at a level she can read and when she can confidently read them all, buy slightly harder ones.

I get slightly irritated when people ask or place priority on the children who were born during Covid.
Not saying you are by any stretch but I do get perplexed because it’s more born affect of the parents with children both during Covid than the child in my opinion.
These children weren’t at the age whereby they missed the majority of infant school and their whole routine and way of life was disrupted. They were babies and they knew no different in terms of going to school.
I am talking about the current year four/ five / six and upwards ages . Mine remember it well and my youngest had their education severely disrupted and missed most of being in precious infant school which only lasts three years in our school. They did reception and then wham , that was it.
Not to say current year ones don’t place importance or significance but in terms of Covid, there was no impact on them .

I didn't think there was any evidence that homework in primary was of any benefit educationally?

But for me it's overwhelm, as an autistic single mum. I'm struggling to hold everything together, and I have ruthlessly eliminated all nonessential school stuff from our lives. No homework and no reading diary, although DS2 is hyperlexic- as am I- and has been reading chapter books from the age of about 5. So bloody tedious Biff and Chip was out the window, too!

Parents are not pack mules.

Same as all this. Out of the things asked in the list reading is the only one here

I feel exactly the same. It's so demoralising. I have never found it so bad as I have this year. I hoping it's just this class and next year will be better. I feel for the kids as you do who are struggling to keep up and would benefit so much from some one to one reading time that we just can't provide in school any more due to cut backs.

Some families are incredibly chaotic and dysfunctional, and the cost of living crisis is making it worse. If you have no money, no heating, poor living conditions, no support, family history of drugs/crime/prison etc etc, reading with your children is hardly likely to be a priority. Add to that parents who are barely literate themselves and had poor experiences of school.

Schools claim to understand these things but rarely do school staff come from backgrounds like this so they don't really understand.

Spelling homework is a waste of time. It’s a short term memory test that even the most able quickly forget if it’s not used in their writing regularly. I have since learned that spelling in very young years is about impressing parents who consider it the sign of a good school. My kids are all very different academically and iirc didn’t even form all of their letters and numbers correctly in year 1 adding to my personal opinion that spelling homework at that age is pointless.
We read every day and I had to bribe 2 of my kids with screen time as a reward.

As an aside I’ve never been asked to supply pencils and primary schools are so chilled with uniform that there was a lot of variation in PE kit.

I had to provide wellies for reception and plimsolls or trainers for PE from year 1 onwards. Never been asked to provide a pencil case.

Parents could be reading but forgetting to sign the reading diary, I do that.

I've always been pretty poor at reading set reading books with my children. They read nearly every day with me or their dad but I guess we don't value proving it enough to fill in the reading record - it doesn't motivate our kids. We also haven't practiced spelling at home with them. I didn't realise for a few weeks when DD first got spellings because I didn't open the reading record. When I tried practicing them she already knew them all so we haven't tried again. I don't think primary aged kids need homework.
My kids aren't expected to bring a pencil to school and go to school in pe kit on pe days.

Many parents do not have an education themselves and lack an overview of the school system.
Many parents struggle to make ends meet. Food, energy, transportation, clothes - everything has increased so much!
Many struggle with unemployment, shift work and poorly paid work. With too little space to live on and expensive rents.
Many suffer from chronic illness without receiving any support. Physically and mentally. Parents have SEN children at home without support from the system.

I really don't wonder why life is difficult in 2025 for many. And why some parents are too exhausted to worry about school.

That's what we do as teachers as well, also marking at night and weekeds, but still do hw with our kids and get their supplies etc. We hate hw as parents and teachers honestly!