First dates... splitting the bill.

[NovemberMorn]

Is it unreasonable to expect the male to pay the full bill on a first date dining out?
I watch the programme 'First Dates' on TV, and it amazes me how, in this day and age, so many women either don't offer to split the food bill, or mutter something half-heartedly as the man gets his cc out, obviously not expecting to pay a penny.

I think it's unreasonable

I wouldn't let a man pay for me.
I'd feel cheapened and dirty.

I pay my way, fuck owing any cunt anything.

The single exception I might make to this is the very first meet up coffee, I might let him pay for that. But dates moving forward, it's spilt and it's organised and planned to be split before we even go so there's no awkward bullshit when the cheque comes.

It's not really difficult,
"Hey wanna go for dinner at Cafe LeShïtehouse?"
"Sure. I don't have people pay my way so we'll be splitting the bill."

Done.

I know that "traditionally" the man is supposed to pay, but I've always felt super uncomfortable in this scenario and every time I've had a first date I've insisted on getting the first round of drinks, I don't think I've done too many dinner dates early on as I find it quite intense, but there's no way I wouldn't insist on paying at least half, and I'd always offer the pay the full bill. Would hate for anyone to think I was a moocher 😂

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. Historically I used to think whoever suggests the date should pay, but now people meet online more then it’s a bit blurred as to who asks who out.

The main point is that the two people on the date are pleased with how it goes, not a general opinion of others.

Yes, it's unreasonable to expect this. It's an outdated view.

I would insist on splitting but I would be v v unimpressed with a guy who asked me out and didn't offer to pay

I know its the modern thing now for everything to be split.. or on this site for the women to over pay their share but call me old fashioned. NONE , absolutely none of the modern dating changes have benefitted women, every last one has benefitted the man

It’s unreasonable and outdated to expect men to pay. I’d always offer to pay or go 50/50.

Is it unreasonable to expect the male to pay the full bill on a first date dining out?

Yes.

As someone with a son, I don't see why he always should have to pay for someone else's meal on a first date, when they are earning as well!

Yes it's unreasonable. Why on earth wouldn't you expect to pay for food you ate?

I’ve always laughed at this on First Dates-oh are you sure, in the most obvious way, then they smile as the guy pays. He suggests they split and you can see her saying in her head ‘not seeing him again!’ Have never seen a guy leave a girl to pay yet (but some of them should!!!)

I think both parties should pay their share and it's unreasonable to expect the man to pay. I'm sure there will soon be people along talking about manliness and the need to consider the future difference in earning potential when the woman births his children. 🙄

If I knew I didn't want to see him again I'd insist on paying half. If I wanted to see him again, I'd let him pay if he wanted to then offer to pay on the next date.

My opinion is the person who initiated/planned the first date should probably pay. Then the second date the other person.

i would have no objection to paying, I’d offer to pay my share. But it would be nice for the person who approached me wanting to go on a first date to pay. Then I’d organise and plan / pay the second date

Snap

The worst ones are the ones who sit on their hands when the man pays, then in the later interview when asked if they will see each other again, she always insists he 'goes first', then when he says Yes...she says No.
A double insult. for the poor guy...but her ego as well as her belly has been well fed. 🙄

It's unreasonable to expect anyone to pay your way.

I would appreciate the offer to pay but I would only agree to it if I planned on seeing them again and I would pay the next time. If I wasn’t going to see them again insist on splitting.

Depends on context.

I'd expect a man to offer to pay because I've personally only dated men I know well enough to properly fancy, like men from work, so I expect to be courted and expect it to be the first of many dates.

I'm in a place in my life where I can pick up the tab and not miss the money and i want a man in the same boat so if a man won't offer to treat me to one meal or he is looking to split right from the start, he isn't invested enough or in the same place so he isn't a man I'm looking to date.

But if I was into blind dates and Tinder, yeah, of course you split because you're on a dating treadmill and both putting yourself out there.

Is it done for TV though?

When I was dating many years ago, I probably did (wrongly) expect the man to pay although always offered.

People go on so many first dates now, I think it is unreasonable to expect the man to pay for my half too.I wouldn't want a dinner date first; drinks would be much more relaxed and easier to split the bill (each buy rounds).

I think expensive first dates are unreasonable anyway. I'd rather go for coffee or a walk without pressure. And I prefer alternating not splitting but not keeping tabs (if he gets coffee for the first date and I get ice cream for the second I'm not interested in reckoning up the difference and it would irritate me if I could tell he was keeping tabs).

Back when I was dating, I only wanted to be in a relationship on equal terms. I didn't want a man with any trace of traditional ideas about gender roles because while chivalry is pleasant in a meaningless kind of way, if he has fixed ideas about men's roles and women's roles it tends to show up in shit ways in the long term.

Insisting on paying for myself was a really great way of a) seeing whether he had any traditional assumptions, b) whether he respected my wishes or would try to override me.

Plus as we all hear it's a numbers game, single people are encouraged to spread their dating net far and wide. I didn't even focus that much on dating but if I was paying for every first date I went on it would have bankrupted me - even the ones that were just drinks! That all adds up! I don't expect men to do that.

NovemberMorn

oh my god yes- if you tell someone else to go first it’s horrible that you’d say no if they say yes!!!!!!

I also don't understand the requirement for a man to be really and truly invested in me on a first date. He barely knows me. He's not invested in me and he doesn't feel a great deal for me, except a bit of attraction. Same for me about him. You only really get invested in someone further down the line (by which time you should have settled on a payment system that works for both of you).

If a guy asks to take me on a date then I’d expect him to pay. I’d obviously offer half but would be put off if he took me up on it.

Anything after that would be 50/50, unless he earned substantially more in which case I don’t see an issue with him paying every now and then.

I don’t owe a man anything just because he bought me dinner! And if that was his mentality he’d get short shrift.

When I was online dating and would meet someone for a coffee/drink they mostly paid but that's because the men I mostly dated were from elsewhere. Those few Europeans I went out with would wanted to split. I took that as a cultural difference and didn't hold it against them.