First dates... splitting the bill.

[NovemberMorn]

Is it unreasonable to expect the male to pay the full bill on a first date dining out?
I watch the programme 'First Dates' on TV, and it amazes me how, in this day and age, so many women either don't offer to split the food bill, or mutter something half-heartedly as the man gets his cc out, obviously not expecting to pay a penny.

I saw that, she was awful.😦

I love First Dates & the teen one too.. it's one of the few current TV programmes my OH & I watch together, it's fascinating! The paying thing is always interesting, I've always offered to go halves in dining & never been taken up on it in previous years but with the likes of the cinema or rounds in a pub, take turns, like "I'll get the tickets you get the sweets"

Everyone loves to be treated & I still am mostly on the odd occasion we go out out 😆but it all evens out & I couldn't think of anything worse than keeping tabs on who owes who or who got what last time in a relationship..

Yes to those saying it's so mean if the girl or other gay person says "you go first" KNOWING they're going to be saying "no thanks" having let the other pay

Absolutely vile post. If a woman pays the whole bill is she paying for time with a man?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. It’s personal preference. Some people want a traditional relationship.

Some don’t. Each to their own.

What if this decent and slightly traditional man simply couldn't afford to pay for you all the time?

Personally if I was in a better or equal financial position, I would happily pay my way rather than lose a good man.

It has been a while since I dated but I always insisted upon splitting. The only exceptions were when the man chose a very expensive place and he was clearly earning several multiples of what I was (am now a high earner to compete with the best of them but it was very different when I was younger!). And then I would treat them to cake or a drink before / afterwards.

I have always been proud of my (financial) independence, so this approach felt in keeping with that. And have only ever attracted men who were interested in "courting" me (to use a PP's phrase) so clearly no-one was put off by my behaviour / it didn't mean I attracted scroungers.

Ps and I ended up marrying another high-earner (also possibly the loveliest and most intelligent man I have ever met) who I know was attracted to my ambition and independence. At the time he earned much more than me, but now I have caught up / slightly overtaken 😁

I wouldn’t date a man who didn’t want to pay for dinner. My husband always paid when we got together.

on first dates if out for dinner it’s mostly the guys that have offered and insisted. I would only let them pay if I wanted to see them again. I would then pay for the second date.

I only split it if I didn’t want to see them again.

Why though? What if they decided not to see you again? Is it okay you got a free dinner out of it if they decided you were a crap date?

@Pyjamatimenow And I wouldn't want to date a man who insisted on paying for my dinner - I'd find that offensive and controlling. I earn my own money, thanks, I don't need charity.

Brocarde? She has a very inflated opinion of herself.

I'd definitely want to pay my share on first date. After that? Depends. In my experience it's alternate dates.

Like quite a few women on this thread, I expect the man to pay on the first date (assuming I want to see him again).

If I have no intention of seeing him again, I insist on paying half. Then we owe nothing to each other.

If I intend to see him again, he can pay... I'll then pay next time and we can take it in turns to treat each other.

I don't want a man to pay for me, I just want to know that he could. That way, I know he can keep up with me financially. I've dated a few men who were shit with finances, and I'm over that.

Mind you, who has dinner on a first date? I'd rather go for a coffee/drink somewhere. Apart from the cost, don't people feel... trapped? Much easier to have a short date/escape plan when you're not eating a meal with someone.

I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable with a man paying every time. It feels like that creates a power imbalance/obligation.

Yes, and she seems to be very weird.

At least you know that there are no strings or expectations attached, although expecting sex just bc you bought someone supper is not on.

A long time ago, my aunt (RIP) was sent a tv by a man she was dating. She sent the delivery men back to the store with it, saying "it came with strings attached. "

It's a TV show. The producers manipulate and edit the participants to say and do things that will amuse us. The 'awkward' moment when the bill comes is all part of it. They can't really win if the storyline is about one of them thinking the other is either a money grabber or tight af.
In reality I'd say splitting the bill is normal.

Though if I was certain I'd see them again and it would be reciprocated then I'd not mind me or them paying. Assuming it wasn't filet mignon and lobster with truffles and vintage champagne by the Methuselah. 🤣

I’ve never been for dinner on a first date, only drinks. Years ago I would have insisted on splitting the bill. Equality, feminism etc.

These days if a man didn’t at least offer to pay for my drinks on a first date I wouldn’t see him again.

It’s a man’s world. There is still a gender pay gap. There’s the ‘pink tax’. The cost of menstrual products. The expectation for the woman to dress up and arrive with her hair styled and make up on (NAMALT, yes, I know, but most are frankly). The burden of housework and childcare - take this for example ourworldindata.org/grapher/time-spend-in-domestic-work-female-vs-male. I go along to a date with a safety plan at the back of my mind. Does he? Of course not. Maybe when woman are actually treated like equals I will feel differently.

As women we can't expect equality if we then want a man to pay for us. Also, why the fuck should a man spend his hard earned cash on someone he doesn't know or hardly knows and might never see again.

If a man liked me and asked to take me out to dinner I would expect him to offer to pay. He invited me, he is the host. If I'm hosting or inviting then it's my treat. I always offer though - I have been unimpressed by hinge dates who order steak and lots more drinks than me splitting bills for my cheaper meal - that's not even splitting that's me subsiding - even my friends wouldn't allow that.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay I agree with you, I subsidized my ex for far too long jm
Not doing that again

I think he can buy a couple of drinks and if he cant afford to then he should be working not dating.
Also, why should women get their hair blow dried and nails done and spray tans and Ubers because rapists etc etc to get ready for the date and the men just go straight there in their work clothes then night bus or walk home?

For the first few dates splitting the bill is probably for the best and then if it is more serious taking turns.

Same

I pay 50:50 because I never ever want anyone to think I owe them anything, and I've met enough who do feel I owe them something back even if they paid for one more drink than I did, usually for themselves. Also I believe that if you want an equal partnership you need to set that straight right from the beginning, I earn my own money why shouldn't I pay my way. Equally I'd be happy to pay in turn if there is an issue with cards etc, there normally isn't but it does happen.

I did one have a BF who always tried to insist he will pay but ended up being 50:50. He was pretty stingy most of the time so it didn't seem right when he said it. One night out, the payment argument started and I agreed that on that occasion he should pay just to see if he would.

😱 the death stare that he wore when I said that was quite a scene but we never argued about it again. I did offer to pay half but he coughed up just that once and went immediately to sleep that night turned his back on me all night. 😆