First dates... splitting the bill.

[NovemberMorn]

Is it unreasonable to expect the male to pay the full bill on a first date dining out?
I watch the programme 'First Dates' on TV, and it amazes me how, in this day and age, so many women either don't offer to split the food bill, or mutter something half-heartedly as the man gets his cc out, obviously not expecting to pay a penny.

I spent 25 years dating in London. I always split the bill.

If you’re a woman, “letting’ a man pay for you just reinforces the ridiculous idea that women can’t support themselves financially / need a man to take care of them.

I’m in a long term relationship now - we don’t live together or share finances. We still take turns paying for dates, and we split holidays / weekends away 50-50. I’d never want to take advantage of my lovely partner’s generosity.

Always get the odd one who thinks it's amusing to be grabby.

You were dating for 25 years. Pretty sure that means whatever you were doing wasn't working.

In my opinion he'd have dodged a bullet there.

I would expect to pay for what I ate and drank. If he had a much more expensive meal and drinks, I wouldn't go 50/50. I mean I wouldn't quibble over a couple of quid, but if his was £30 more than mine, he can pay for that!!! I know things have changed since the days I was dating, but I still have the nagging feeling that some blokes would expect maybe more than a goodnight handshake because they've paid for a meal......and maybe thats all I'd want to give!!!!

wasn't working

In what way?

I think that poster means that if I’d sponged off dates and partners, I’d have found a nice man I could have taken advantage of…

You are unreasonable to call a guy "the male".

I don't know if they pay on First Dates, but its likely they do!

I signed up to a renovation type show, something like 'Old home to New home' when we bought a derelict property. I go info before signing up fully.
They paid absolutely nothing for the time and effort of stopping building works to accommodate filming. When they do the final viewing, they remove the TVs off the walls and replace with 'artwork' and help dress the house with vases/flowers etc. Notice that you never see a TV on those shows!

When I asked what the benefit to me was, she said that they 'might' recommend a kitchen or bathroom supplier who 'might' give a nominal discount! It was aimed at the architect presenter, being filmed and pretending that the design ideas were his! This is despite the fact that we would have needed our own, council approval extension/architectural designs BEFORE the show would even view the property. We said no!

Expecting someone to pay for you implys that your time is more valuable than theirs.

Generally people should pay for themselves. The expectation that the man should pay is ridiculous and outdated. There may be times when it's ok though.

My adult kids (2 F and 2 M) all split bills with dates.

I'd expect a man to foot the bill and to have asked me out first

Given that @cocoloco23 is now in what seems to be a lucky long-term relationship I'd say whatever she was doing (presumably not lowering her standards by accepting any man, or acting against her values) has in fact worked out very well for her.

*healthy long-term relationship, I meant, of course!

I imagine so.

Wow. The 1950s are calling you.

Completely unreasonable. You each pay your way or, if both financially ok, take turns. Then, when it gets to the point where one person wants to go somewhere that is too expensive for the other you have a chat, but realistically that doesn't have to happen for a good few dates

My first date with my partner he paid for the coffees, then suggested we go for something to eat, this was mid afternoon and as it was my town not his I suggested a pub where I knew the food was good and reasonably priced, he offered to pay for the food but I said no, first date after all and not sure if it would go any further so I paid for my own meal, 11 years later we are still together he has more money than me still and some things I pay for some he does, I'm fairly sure if I had just started with letting him pay he would have in my head seen me as someone who always lets the man pay , I'm too independent for that and was quite happy to pay my share of the meal, maybe being in our mid fifties when we met I have a different attitude than younger people

No am sure they do really have to pay from their own money

😭😭 I've done the feministy paying for myself thing

All it gets you is a useless man ime

If I get another chance, it's a decent and slightly traditional man for me, who'd never let a lady pay

My educated, common sense, feminist, self says go halves on the first date. My gut, emotional reaction to going halves is ‘yuk! What a cheapskate!’
lol

What if you didn't fancy him and had no intention of seeing him again but he was a pleasant enough guy. Would you still let him pay?

@ilovesooty I agree

You may simply have made poor choices, and whether they split the bill wasn't relevant. Some women of course prefer men they can sponge off. More fool those men for putting up with it.