To feel threatened by OW

[Preear]

I have lost all of my confidence since ex left me for somebody else. We have 2 kids who are 4 and 7 and they have just been on holiday with them and my son is now crying because he kisses dad (he is 4) my daughter however said it didn’t feel right being on holiday without me. I am so worried that this woman is going to my place. I can’t afford to take them on holiday etc and I don’t want another man right now (it’s only been 5 months since we split) somebody tell me to get a grip

Be very kind to yourself, OP. You've been through a distressing time, and of course you're worried about your children adjusting as well as yourself.

You are their mother and they will never replace you. A mums love is special and always with our kids from the moment they draw breath. You are irreplaceable. I went through this, with the cool, slim girlfriend coming in and being “amazing”. A year later my dd wasn’t bothered and no longer went to her house from choice. Things will change, know how important you are!

also to add - a relationship based on the hurt of others never works out long term. Karma will come.

You’ve only been split 5 months and he’s already taking your kids on holiday with his new gf and expecting them to play happy families when they are very raw from daddy leaving?

He’s an irresponsible selfish twat imo - it’s not right yo be dragging a new partner into kids lives so soon.

Be kind to yourself OP and keep on reassuring your children.

And you’re right. Jumping into another relationship at this time isn’t a wise choice.

I don’t think you need to get a grip at all. You’re going through an awful experience.

On the subjects of holidays can you afford to take the kids away to a premiere in for one or two nights. City breaks with cheap/free things to do. These are some of my kids favourite holidays.

Sounds normal to me, she won’t replace you though.

I absolutely love this idea!

Sounds normal?

Will I come out the other side of this stronger?

No, you don't need to get a grip - this is completely normal at this stage. It's very early days (took me a good 18 months to recover from the shock). The 'Runaway Husbands' book really helped me (there is also a private Facebook group and you can be among women who are going through exactly the same thing) https://www.runawayhusbands.com/

I feel so so bad that my 4 year old son is crying for his dad to pick him up from school today and take him to football (he has spent a week with him and obviously misses him)

It’s extremely early days, you must still be reeling. Give yourself grace, you’re processing a massive amount and trying to keep things level for your very young children. Hopefully she’s kind to them but beyond that don’t give her a second thought. Look after yourself 💐

It absolutely sucks op but it will get better. The first Xmas that ex and ow came together to pick up my kids for family Christmas with his parents nearly broke me. Now I view it as welcome break and I prefer that they like her..better than the alternative. Be kind to yourself and accept that it will feel crap for a while , but not forever.

We only went away at the end of August last year as a family and now they have been away as another family with their dad. My daughter said it didn’t feel right me not being there and she had a dream last night that she went back again without me and didn’t like it.

I hate the way men go off with someone new and immediately start taking their children on holiday with this person who helped to break up their parents.

I think it is all wrong and I also don't think it is in the best interest of the children.

You actually don't need to get a grip - it's okay to absolutely be heartbroken in this situation. You have dealt with both the end of your relationship and having to see someone new - it's horrendous

sending you a big hug.

You will always be their mum nothing replaces that.

and you will come out stronger and see how well rid you are of him

Thank you so much. As much as I want my family back together, I could never ever forgive him for what he has put us through. Part of me is still holding on and I really don’t know why. I honestly don’t understand how people can be so careless, I am so shocked he his behaviour but I need to remember the person he is now is not the person I fell in love with

Sounds normal to feel like you do.

I’m not going to say anything different to anyone else OP but just adding to the noise . The OW is no threat to your position as mum at all . On the basis that your DC are telling you exactly how they feel it sounds like you are a great mum .

OP I’m so sorry.

OW will never replace you. Your children will most likely when they’re older feel a certain way about OW, see her as the woman who split the family up.

Your DS missing dad and crying for him I think is completely normal for any split even with no other woman involved

It’s a big change for you and your young children but you will get through this

focus on yourself and being the best mum to your kids which I know you already are xx it will get better

But if he didn’t he would have to step up and parent for a week by himself! The horror of it. I suspect this is why they take their new partner.

The way that you feel is normal and natural, emotionally. However, considering it logically, you have no reason to have lost any confidence at all - husbands cheat because they can, they want to and above all they are selfish and arrogant. It usually has nothing to do with any "failing" / "lacking" on the part of the wife. So many high profile women have been left for another woman. Jennifer Garner is a great mum, talented, rich and pretty - and considered to be a good egg. And her husband left her and their kids - his failings, not hers. He's done a cracking job of fucking his kids up since then. Therefore, your confidence deserves to be fully intact and your DH should be hanging his head in shame, instead of parading around with his new family setup.

Your husband has caused this distress in your 4yo. He shouldn't have introduced OW 5 months after your break up and he shouldn't be "playing house" or "playing mummy" with the OW on holiday so soon.

This woman isn't going to take your place. She might have been able to gain the affections of a 4yo boy - easy peasy. All that's needed is some bloody chocolate buttons and a smile. Even though you are doing the drudgery, you will be the consistent one who always puts your kids first. At the moment, the rewards of this are not being felt. But in the long term, your kids will know it. So hang in there, and realise that the reason he's cheated is nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own failings as a husband and father.

Have a look at housesitting websites too. Lots of people are happy to have people with children. Usually just need to feed the cat or something in exchange for a week or teo in a country house or seasude cottage. My friend does this a lot. Also Sun Holidays. If you google 'codes for sun holidays' you get all the codes and can then book yourself a week in a caravan for like 80 quid. I have done this twice and got lovely memorable holidays both times.

OP you are their mummy. They love you. Nobody will ever take your place.

This hurts like hell and you shouldn't try and convince yourself that it doesn't. Be kind to yourself.

I can 100% guarantee it 😁
💐

Did you agree to your children meeting the OW so quickly? It’s so soon, I definitely would have kicked up all mighty hell before my kids would have been exposed to any new partners on any side so early.