To feel threatened by OW

[Preear]

I have lost all of my confidence since ex left me for somebody else. We have 2 kids who are 4 and 7 and they have just been on holiday with them and my son is now crying because he kisses dad (he is 4) my daughter however said it didn’t feel right being on holiday without me. I am so worried that this woman is going to my place. I can’t afford to take them on holiday etc and I don’t want another man right now (it’s only been 5 months since we split) somebody tell me to get a grip

As a mum of teens, keep going OP. Just keep plodding on, doing your best and letting Disney dad crack on with it. It’s not fair but you are doing the real and valuable bits of the parenting and i promise that your children will look back and see each party for what they are.

You are so integral to your children’s wellbeing that they don’t question or even consider your position at all atm. You’re the one that kept going when you had nothing left to give. You’re their mum.

Train to Windermere and family private accomodation in the YHA there. Bus from station to troutbeck. Get off at service station and walk up the hill. They have family wigwam tents with wood burning stoves in them which is a great adventure and absolutely amazing views of the lake. Or if you are a bit nesh the family rooms in the main hostel are super warm. Self catering or v cheap restaurant, you can choose.

Ex collected the kids this morning and asked if I could tell him a cream to get for a spot on his face (I work in HC) I just walked away

Good on you OP, try to keep up that attitude - if it's not to do with the kids then you don't want to know. It will eventually get easier to the point you'll wonder why you ever shed any tears for him x

Why did he even think to ask me that? Does he not realise what he has done? Here I go again though trying to work things out I will never know the answer to

He obviously doesn't know what you think he has done. He doesn't believe his behaviour has been unreasonable.

I hope your kids weren't around when you "just walked away". Research has shown that kids find handovers extremely difficult and stressful anyway, but even more so when their parents can't deal with conflict in a positive and adult way. If you don't want him to ask you questions or talk to you about anything except the children then you need to communicate that to him when the children aren't about.

If you're too angry to be around him at the moment, that's ok. But it's probably better to have someone else do handovers.

I am civil with him, say hi etc, I’m not angry I just don’t care that much about his healthcare and find it bizarre that he would think I would

I can't think of an answer that'll comfort you unfortunately, only that I think he has no conscience...
And I personally wouldn't worry about being civil with him atm, if the best you can do is walk away then that's fine. Better than an argument or emotional discussion in front of the children. It's perfectly ok to feel wounded and raw right now. Look after yourself xx

But it's not the "best she can do". If she can't communicate with him cordially she can arrange contact handovers to be done by someone else. Kids know that conflict is not just shouting and arguing, they know it's also ignoring questions, silent treatment and walking away. It's not fair to have them witness that.

Of course her feelings are valid. And she's absolutely allowed to have boundaries around the kind of communication they have. But she needs to communicate that to him by writing in an email or message -

Dear Ex,
I’d like to respectfully request that moving forward, we only discuss matters related to the children during handovers. I prefer not to engage in personal topics such as health. It's important for me that we are able to be civil so that our children don't experience the negative effects of our conflict and focussing on the children will allow this to happen
Many thanks, Preear

Once she has been clear about the kind of communication she expects moving forward then he has a choice about whether he respects this or not. If he doesn't then she is absolutely within her rights to have someone else do handovers.

I also think Op missed a trick. I'm more of a smiling assassin and I'd have likely used my medical knowledge to smile sweetly and say "Oh no that's a shame! Is it sore or itchy? - I think you need to go to the pharmacy today and ask for some Aldara 5 % cream. It'll disappear in a day or two. Do you want me to write it down for you?" Then chuckle to myself at the thought of him opening the box and finding out what he'd bought.

DONT DO THAT OP. IT IS A FANTASY AND WONT BE GOOD FOR YOUR CO-PARENTING RELATIONSHIP 😁

I can see that you are very raw about this and this is completely natural. I can also see what you are angry about with the children going on holiday with him and his new GF. Sadly men do tend to move on more quickly and they try to erase their previous life. Perhaps he is pissed off that you initiated the split and he wants to " show you what you are missing ". Regardless of this you just need to move forward with your new life - proceed with your divorce. Don't worry about things like your best years, will you ever meet anyone wise again etc at this point. They are not relevant but again most women I know thought like this. You're in the middle of the chaos right now but it will all settle down. Only engage with him on factual things regarding the children. It's natural for little children to miss a parent and cry about it. Of course it's easy to get pissed off about you being left to deal with this.

I would ask for this to be removed to Relationships.

There is no conflict honestly I say good morning, help him with the stuff and kiss the kids goodbye. He then shouted me back and said can you tell me what cream to get from the pharmacy for this spot on my face, kids were in the car at that point so didn’t hear anything. My initially reaction was sulphuric acid 🤣 (joke I didn’t say that)

The last thing this person has been is gracious, thyeve been obtuse from the outset.

he has just found out he has herpes 🫣🫣 it’s all over his face now

Is it just on his face 😳

I have no idea! Didn’t care to ask. Great timing though as it has put me right off 🤣

If you think he was sleeping with this woman before you broke up I would suggest making an appointment at a clinic and have a thorough check

I was going to do that

Heroes isn’t always transmitted sexually is it? I thought it was just cold sores? They are all over his mouth

No it's not but can be transferred through oral