To feel threatened by OW

[Preear]

I have lost all of my confidence since ex left me for somebody else. We have 2 kids who are 4 and 7 and they have just been on holiday with them and my son is now crying because he kisses dad (he is 4) my daughter however said it didn’t feel right being on holiday without me. I am so worried that this woman is going to my place. I can’t afford to take them on holiday etc and I don’t want another man right now (it’s only been 5 months since we split) somebody tell me to get a grip

You're MUM. Ex husband and OW should both be feeling insecure and jealous of you!!!

Yes you will. You sound like an amazing mum who puts her kids first. Holidays are great and can be exciting but don't replace the everyday love and care that you give them. One step at a time and take care. The future will get brighter

Can I offer a different perspective, OP?

what’s your actual problem? Kids had a good time, OW is nice to them, your ex is happy. I don’t see how a holiday with someone can damage the children?

How do you know the OW was not in his life for much longer? Marriages don’t break in 1 day, right?

You need to get over this, and start focusing on your own life. I understand you are hurt. But that’s your problem. You could focus on creating fun moments in daily life and on weekends the kids are with you. It’s not fair to expect them to miss out on fun holidays just because you are not included.

Why!?

What if they are not competing on this at all, they just went on a holiday and everyone had a good time!!

Don’t be spiteful, OP. Let the kids have a good time!

That’s your choice. You sound so insecure and judgemental, TBH.

Hah, here is the OW...!

You sound realistic not judgemental to me OP.
Do you have any leisure centres or hotels near you with good fun pools?
Sometimes they allow block of monthly membership so you could have a month of lots of swimming and picnics in their play areas after. It feels like a holiday then.

Over time he'll get bored of the kids and also over time they will see you are the one that matters.

4 year olds always want the fun one... but that changes over time as they realise who the true parent is. It will pass.

Yes.

Also look at Haven. You can get Friday- Monday from as little as £60. Having the leisure passes increases the cost but still good value. Lots have direct access onto a beach.

Karma absolutely is real. I strongly believe it. Not in as any kind of mystical force, but rather in a reap-what-you-sow kind of way.
Your ex is putting his affair above the wellbeing of his children. He's not carefully managing the split, putting his children first. Children remember this. It might be hard on them but as they grow older, the more he behaves like this, the more he'll damage his relationship with them and it'll be his own fault.
When people behave badly, other people distance themselves. Its basic cause and effect.
Just keep being there for your children. Karma goes the other way too. I do believe it. In time, you'll likely come to be thankful he took himself out of your life. You're still dealing with the shock and fallout now. It gets a lot better.

Op - holidays

The ones my kids talk about - Haven caravans - sand, pool, clubs, board games in the caravan. They are older than yours and are asking to go back again! We kept it simple and based the entire holiday on kids activities - so much fun just embracing swimming twice a day and sand castles on the beach - very cheap and my kids go on about them all the time. They chose Haven last year over going abroad 😂.

Camping - try the garden first, then a close by site. Again very popular.

If you are a national trust or English heritage member then base your holiday around visiting their sites. Low cost. Camp at a cheap site or in your garden. Bbq when you get home.

Yourh hostel - room for 3 and often have great locations and views - yes you can get your own ensuite room. All you can eat brekkie

I know it’s incredibly painful OP, but you have to consider the alternatives.

One of XH girlfriends was bloody horrible to my DS, and it was awful. You need to reframe this as being a great opportunity for the DC to have nice holidays with someone who is hopefully caring towards them.

The more chill you are about it, the better the children will adjust.

Agree with PP re Premier Inn holidays. They will think it’s great fun all being in a room together, watching tv and doing fun things in a new town.

It will get better. 💐

I was just coming to say re Holidays, consider Youth Hostels , but I see a pp has beaten me to it. Have a look at their website, you can rent private rooms just for you and the kids, they also have pods to rent as well as pre-erected tents. I also wanted to suggest camping might be a possibility, although I know it's not for everyone.

If you think you might like the idea of camping, try and borrow or rent a tent and equipment first just to see if it's for you, if it is, you can pick up reasonably priced equipment from eBay.

Also, look at Holiday Home Swap sites, that could be a real possibility for you and your DC to have lovely holidays with minimal costs.

Hang on in there Op, you will always be their Mum, no two-bit floozy can take your place.

AirBnB can be very reasonable for short breaks too. Great if you get something near a big park/beach, free museum. I used to take mine on several small breaks & swimming rather than longer so we went to different places, use the library reading events over the summer (often have free stickers!). Plan ahead for Easter/Summer and it will be exciting for you too.

I haven’t let them miss out on anything, they went? I put aside my feelings and put them first

It's normal to feel like this and yes, you'll get through to the other side and be really proud of yourself.
I used to think I could never compete (no holidays, I was depressed for many years, little money - he was the rich, fun parent). My kids are adult now and I have a far better relationship with them than he has. Your kids don't need money, they need security, emotional support, love. And you can do all of that even when money is really tight.

@Wordsmithery nails it:
"Your kids don't need money, they need security, emotional support, love. And you can do all of that even when money is really tight."

Some people giving bonkers advice here re threatening court and all sorts!

Unless he is going to abduct them, or his girlfriend is a pervert, then this type of over reaction would harm the children far more than going on holiday with a new partner!

I would never stop them from having a good time with their dad so that is out of the question. It was just hard for me to deal but I like I out that aside and put them first.

Of course she's insecure. Her husband had an affair and left her.

She won't replace, OP, no matter how many vacations they go on or however much of a Disney dad you ex will turn into.

Here are the reasons why:

• He left you for her, which means that he will eventually leave her for someone else
• Your kids are going to grow up and the older they get the more they will see. They will learn they can't depend on him, which will make you the de-facto parent they can depend on.
• When he leaves her and tries to introduce one woman after another into their lives, they will eventually not want to see him anymore.

It's really sad what he is doing and in the long run this will hurt your children very much. They will need you to be their rock, because they will have no one else to do this for them during crucial times in their lives.

She hasn't suggested being spiteful. She did let them go, the holiday has already happened

My problem isn’t him being with the other woman, although it does sting. It’s the fact that in the kids eyes we were away as a family early September and then with another woman in Feb, regardless of how long it was going on before that is a bit quick for the kids.

"you need to get over this" is definitely advice from someone who hasn't been in this situation. Your life and future being entirely upended because your husband can't keep his pants zipped up is something it's OK to be upset about.

A holiday isn't damaging. Children being forced to form relationships with new partners when they've barely had time to comprehend their parents separating is damaging. They need time to connect with their parents in their new separate roles before introducing new people.

Her life is now hard and mundane, I'm sure they have great fun together but it is very difficult for some people to keep going after this sort of life changing event and when the other parent seems to have moved on and is living a new 'better' lifestyle, that you cant match, it's perfectly normal not to feel good about it.

She also didn't expect them to miss out, she let them go.