Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the funeral filmed

313 replies

Uniquely187 · 25/02/2025 07:03

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

OP posts:
K1ran · 25/02/2025 07:05

Agree that it is a private affair and the person who has passed should be sent off respectfully.
Most places offer a link to watch it live rather than film it.

CaptainFuture · 25/02/2025 07:05

Who is going to view it? Often as a thing that began in covid, there can be a live secure link set up?

TwentyTwentyFive · 25/02/2025 07:06

Who does SIL want to film of for? I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with such a private event being filmed. Is there a webcast option so they can view it live?

Londonrach1 · 25/02/2025 07:07

I watched my uncle funeral live via a link during covid due to restricted numbers ...can that be done rather than filming it.

Londonrach1 · 25/02/2025 07:07

I watched my uncle funeral live via a link during covid due to restricted numbers ...can that be done rather than filming it.

DappledThings · 25/02/2025 07:07

I would be more of DH's opinion than his sister's but I don't think either automatically trumps the other. They are both MIL's children.

Silvertulips · 25/02/2025 07:07

If they can’t make it they can pay their respects quietly at home, no need to film the service. Often we have different relationships with people and the service isn’t personal or even sounds like the person you knew.

If they can’t make it, they can’t make it.

saraclara · 25/02/2025 07:08

Uniquely187 · 25/02/2025 07:03

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

It's not filmed for entertainment. It's filmed so that other bereaved family members can say goodbye. Can he be encouraged to recognise this?

Both my parents in law had family members abroad, so both their funerals were filmed. In neither case was the filming evident. It was very sensitively and unobtrusively done. And I know it meant a lot to those relatives.

Letstheriveranswer · 25/02/2025 07:08

I think it's ok to film the front of the service, people giving eulogies etc
But not to be filming the attendees or moving around filming like at a wedding.

Sorry for your loss

PermanentTemporary · 25/02/2025 07:08

It isn't usual to film a funeral. People don't take pictures as a rule (a friend took one picture at dh's wake due to special circumstances and apologised to me afterwards though I was fine about it).

Is there going to be online attendance available for those who can't be there? That would be a reasonable compromise imo. You could also have the eulogy printed into the order of service, or emailed to people afterwards if they want. I would say your dh should stand his ground.

Tbh has any of the people who Cs t be there even asked for this?? I cany imagine sitting down to watch a funeral I wasn't at, at another time. I do keep orders of service though.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 25/02/2025 07:09

I think it would depend on who the people are that can't attend and their reasons for being unable to make it in person. If it is a next door neighbour then I would look at ways to get the neighbour to the service rather than getting the service to the neighbour. If it was a close friend or family member of MIL who is immobile/in hospital/1000s of miles away, I would consider making the service available.

What would MIL have wanted?

W0tnow · 25/02/2025 07:09

The venue should provide a live link if asked?

EmpressaurusKitty · 25/02/2025 07:10

We filmed Mum’s funeral for some relatives who were too ill to be there. It was available for a limited time & people could only see it if they had the login details.

I think No trumps Yes here but I understand your SIL’s view.

saraclara · 25/02/2025 07:11

It isn't usual to film a funeral

It's not unusual at all. In fact I think that every funeral I've been to since COVID had had a live link, except my mum's (where there was no reason to, as there were no significant people unable to attend).

ItShouldntHappenToMeYet · 25/02/2025 07:11

Uniquely187 · 25/02/2025 07:03

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

They won't allow filming, but will allow a link to watch the service live

Daffodiltimeishere · 25/02/2025 07:12

I agree with your DH.

There will be people attending the funeral who will be very visibly emotional and very probably crying. For that reason alone it's not appropriate to film them.

Grief shouldn't be a public spectacle for other's entertainment.

It's a shame if people can't attend who want to but they can still show their love and respect for your MiL by thinking of her and reflecting on her life and what she has meant to them.

FloppySarnie · 25/02/2025 07:12

Do you mean stream live? It’s very usual these days and if you view a funeral as a way for people to offer their respects, this is a chance for everyone to do this - even if they can’t be there in person. I wouldn’t deny people this if they can’t attend.

Poppins2016 · 25/02/2025 07:12

Who is it that can't make it? That would probably sway things for me... if it's for a close relative or friend then I'd consider it. If it's for "just in case" or extended friends/family/neighbours then I'd say no. In general, if someone really wants to be there, they will be there (obviously extenuating circumstances and exceptions due to e.g. time off from specific jobs apply, etc. in which case I'd be more open to the filming if the relationship was significant).

TwentyTwentyFive · 25/02/2025 07:12

saraclara · 25/02/2025 07:11

It isn't usual to film a funeral

It's not unusual at all. In fact I think that every funeral I've been to since COVID had had a live link, except my mum's (where there was no reason to, as there were no significant people unable to attend).

A live link isn't the same as filming it though? A live link allows people to watch in real time as it happens which is understandable for relatives who are abroad or too ill to attend. I don't think that's the same as what SIL is wanting?

User12435687 · 25/02/2025 07:12

I was at a funeral last week and both the church bit and the crematorium streamed the services for those who couldn't be there in person. A very, very close friend was too ill to attend and I know really appreciated being able to see it.

The people at the funeral won't even notice it's being filmed, it would be totally discreet. I think your DH is wrong but it is important that his view is taken into account at this time when he is clearly hurting.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 25/02/2025 07:13

It’s not being recorded though is it, it’s streamed live so people can watch? My ILs “attended” a funeral in this way as it was too far away to travel, they really appreciated it. It didn’t look obtrusive at all, as the crematorium did it all.

I think the question is - who is it that can’t attend that your SIL wants to make it available to? A sibling of your MIL, close friend etc?

I don’t think No necessarily trumps Yes without knowing who would miss out on the service.

FloppySarnie · 25/02/2025 07:13

Daffodiltimeishere · 25/02/2025 07:12

I agree with your DH.

There will be people attending the funeral who will be very visibly emotional and very probably crying. For that reason alone it's not appropriate to film them.

Grief shouldn't be a public spectacle for other's entertainment.

It's a shame if people can't attend who want to but they can still show their love and respect for your MiL by thinking of her and reflecting on her life and what she has meant to them.

The ones I have seen don’t show the congregation (or whatever you call if for non-religious services), just the person giving the service.

PinkyGold · 25/02/2025 07:13

My Dad's, my Aunt's and my Uncle's funerals were live streamed for anyone who couldn't attend. Think this was brought in due to Covid group restrictions. This meant I was able to pay my respects to my aunt and uncle without having to drive 300 miles each way and I believe is a pretty standard arrangement by the funeral directors.

Paradoes · 25/02/2025 07:14

I agree about live steam - it’s normal here where we live on our local churches. I often watch funerals if I cannot attend.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 25/02/2025 07:14

TwentyTwentyFive · 25/02/2025 07:12

A live link isn't the same as filming it though? A live link allows people to watch in real time as it happens which is understandable for relatives who are abroad or too ill to attend. I don't think that's the same as what SIL is wanting?

Show quote history

OP was a bit ambiguous saying “filmed” - she doesn’t say recorded or streamed so we don’t know yet.

Swipe left for the next trending thread