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Original poster

To not want the funeral filmed

313 replies

Uniquely187 · 25/02/2025 07:03

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

OP posts:
Gloriia · 26/02/2025 14:18

C8H10N4O2 · 26/02/2025 13:43

No, most posters are describing their practical experience and if it was positive or negative for them and their relatives.

One or two posters who plainly have no actual experience of what is involved in funeral streaming and who seem to regard it as akin to a wedding video put up on Instagram are being dogmatic and/or tone policing those who are describing their actual experiences.

Oh and in the UK (well England and Wales at least) funerals and weddings are legally public events - anyone can turn up. Both are listed publicly as upcoming events at the relevant registry, religious building or crem.

The actual events are not private and nor should they need to be. Streams are temporary and not public unless the family chooses to make them so.
Grief and joy are both normal and do not need to be hidden away as somehow shameful and "not nice".

Show quote history

I have experience of it, hence my views. I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

It isn't to do with grief being 'not nice', rather this streaming is now the trend and people should think twice.

Does it need to be live streamed when most if not all close relatives will actually be present? If not fine send one code to someone, for example, in hospital who can't attend not some far flung rel who hasn't seen them in years.

rosemarble · 26/02/2025 14:29

I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

Where were the codes shared?
How do you know these people who have used a code to view a funeral of someone they don't know, and did it come up in conversation?

Sunat45degrees · 26/02/2025 15:10

Gloriia · 26/02/2025 14:18

I have experience of it, hence my views. I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

It isn't to do with grief being 'not nice', rather this streaming is now the trend and people should think twice.

Does it need to be live streamed when most if not all close relatives will actually be present? If not fine send one code to someone, for example, in hospital who can't attend not some far flung rel who hasn't seen them in years.

Show quote history

Although I haven't seen this, I'm going to take your word for it that you've seen codes shared widely. Just a question... if the camera is discreet, and only the eulogies etc are being shared, why is that a problem? As others have said, funerals are technically open events so anyone can turn up. Of course, by live streaming or whatever the option for MORE people to turn up increases significantly, but really, how is that so different? My father and all of our family were deeply touched by the number of people who turned up at my mother's funeral - many of whom had not seen my parents in years. People who wanted to show their respects, share their memories etc. The option for a general live stream wasn't an option in those days (DH skyped it to me at home), but I can imagine a situation where actually, we all would have been quite happy to do it. We had such lovely messages from people all over the world and I know I wasn't the only person who would have loved to attend. I can think of at least 3 people who, given the choice, would have joined a live stream.

Topseyt123 · 26/02/2025 16:36

Gloriia · 26/02/2025 14:18

I have experience of it, hence my views. I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

It isn't to do with grief being 'not nice', rather this streaming is now the trend and people should think twice.

Does it need to be live streamed when most if not all close relatives will actually be present? If not fine send one code to someone, for example, in hospital who can't attend not some far flung rel who hasn't seen them in years.

Show quote history

Given how horrified you seemed to be earlier in the thread at the very idea of livestreaming funerals (entertainment, laziness of those who weren't able to attend in person, should have been left behind after lockdown etc.) it is hard to believe that you do actually have experience of it at all.

It was when the majority on here didn't agree with you about how shocking and terrible this was that the idea of the codes and passwords being broadcast on social media crept in from you. Suddenly you had seen loads of it and I guess it fits with your narrative about how appalling it was.

I've never seen the links shared in that way. I'm not saying it has never happened, but to most of us it would be rather undignified to say the least. Mostly people just share personally with people they know and trust. Communication such as email or WhatsApp are used, which are both very private and (in the case of WhatsApp) also very well encrypted.

You can make it as private or as public as you like. How widely or publicly you choose to share your private link and password is your own choice to make. Most people will choose private and only share with their closest and most trustworthy, especially if they have been unable to make the journey to attend. Each to their own.

Gloriia · 26/02/2025 16:47

Topseyt123 · 26/02/2025 16:36

Given how horrified you seemed to be earlier in the thread at the very idea of livestreaming funerals (entertainment, laziness of those who weren't able to attend in person, should have been left behind after lockdown etc.) it is hard to believe that you do actually have experience of it at all.

It was when the majority on here didn't agree with you about how shocking and terrible this was that the idea of the codes and passwords being broadcast on social media crept in from you. Suddenly you had seen loads of it and I guess it fits with your narrative about how appalling it was.

I've never seen the links shared in that way. I'm not saying it has never happened, but to most of us it would be rather undignified to say the least. Mostly people just share personally with people they know and trust. Communication such as email or WhatsApp are used, which are both very private and (in the case of WhatsApp) also very well encrypted.

You can make it as private or as public as you like. How widely or publicly you choose to share your private link and password is your own choice to make. Most people will choose private and only share with their closest and most trustworthy, especially if they have been unable to make the journey to attend. Each to their own.

Edited
Show quote history

Nothing 'crept in on me at all'. I've attended a funeral that was live streamed, I've also been offered the codes of live streams (and not clicked to view). I've also attended funerals without any webcams at all, which of course will be my preference with any family.

So many things are readily available online, others people's tearful eulogies should not be one of them, imo. (Disclaimer unless it is immediate family and you cannot attend for very serious reasons and being at work shouldn't be one)

Boomer55 · 26/02/2025 16:50

I’ve had to do live links since Covid - I don’t really see it as problem 🤷‍♀️

Sunat45degrees · 26/02/2025 16:52

I've also been offered the codes of live streams (and not clicked to view)
This is not the same as being "shared all over SM"

Funnywonder · 26/02/2025 16:57

I have seen these codes being shared, I have known people tune in who wouldn't dream of attending.

You must know some very strange people. Funerals are generally pretty boring, even when you are a close relative of the deceased. Who are these weirdo's who watch livestream funerals just because they can? I mean, I think I would be concerned about what other type of behaviour they engage in. In which case it might be best just to accept that there are some very unusual people in the world and the whole of society can't shut down or all technological progress be halted in a futile attempt to stem the tide of their bizarre fetishes.

Gloriia · 26/02/2025 18:03

Sunat45degrees · 26/02/2025 16:52

I've also been offered the codes of live streams (and not clicked to view)
This is not the same as being "shared all over SM"

I've also seen codes shared on social media. Anyway, just all please be cautious and don't overshare think of those giving personal and emotional tributes who may not want to be viewed publicly

Danielle9891 · 26/02/2025 18:18

We live in northern Ireland and most of our funerals are live screened/recorded. Although we have a funeral within a few days here so it's impossible for some to come. Recording is only fair as some can't make it. We recorded my partner's granny's as his brother is on applying for citizenship in America and wasn't allowed to leave the country. I was also 38 weeks pregnant and living in Ireland when my grandad passed away in England I couldn't make it as I wasn't allowed to fly, it really helped me that I could watch online.

I also wished my family recorded my nanna's funeral in England as I was living in Australia at the time and couldn't afford the money to fly to England.

Printedword · 26/02/2025 18:50

I think DHs feelings trump SILs. I would say, though that we had a film for 3 family funerals and it was very appreciated esp by those who lived far away and/or were old

NotVeryFunny · 26/02/2025 18:54

The funeral home "filmed" my nan's. A link goes up to watch it live and there's an option to get the recording afterwards if the family want that. I do our family tree so have a kept a copy for those records. I like the fact it's recorded. It's an important family "event".

NotVeryFunny · 26/02/2025 18:56

Why would your DH's view trump his sister's? Both viewpoints are equally valid and important here.

Jack80 · 26/02/2025 19:01

Video link would be more appropriate

exaltedwombat · 26/02/2025 20:22

Does 'film it' mean 'turn on the camera at the back of the room that connects to an Internet live stream'? This is pretty standard these days, in fact I can't remember a recent funeral where this service WASN'T offered. You need a password to view it, which you can share with as few or as many people as you like. Seems a very good idea to me.

EatAllDay · 26/02/2025 20:30

A middle ground; have it recorded with a password attached so only a select few can watch it. People that you both agree on

SuzieQ300 · 26/02/2025 20:37

Filming a funeral is ridiculous! It's not flipping tiktok.

Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies · 26/02/2025 22:31

My Dad’s funeral was live streamed, you could only see the backs of the congregation. I’m glad we could have the option as there were several very close old friends who were unable to make the service but wanted to pay their respects.

The link was live for 30 days afterwards which was good for those in different time zones and was password protected.

steff13 · 26/02/2025 22:35

My grandmother's funeral was recorded. This was 2014, so pre-COVID. My uncle was uncle to attend due to his health, so we primarily did it for him. I can understand that some people might find it distasteful but conversely I can't really imagine what harm it would do.

Owl55 · 27/02/2025 00:16

During Covid , an audio recording was done of my parent funeral for those who couldn’t attend . Many months later I listened to the service again even though I attended at the time , it was actually very comforting as that was a very distressing time . It had a you tube link that only family could access . I think if your husband is the only child it should be his decision only and he should inform funeral director of his objection .

SALaw · 27/02/2025 00:41

K1ran · 25/02/2025 07:05

Agree that it is a private affair and the person who has passed should be sent off respectfully.
Most places offer a link to watch it live rather than film it.

Isn't that what the OP means by having it filmed?!

Topseyt123 · 27/02/2025 01:16

SALaw · 27/02/2025 00:41

Isn't that what the OP means by having it filmed?!

Show quote history

We don't know. She hasn't been back and clarified.

Filming to many people could mean someone videoing it on their phone, or using a camcorder device.

Livestreaming is the use of a fixed position webcam that is permanently and discreetly located in the crematorium. It can be viewed (using the online link and password given) live whilst the service is taking place and quite often for an agreed amount of time afterwards. My Dad's funeral was available for, I think, a couple of weeks.

The two are often conflated.

Topseyt123 · 27/02/2025 01:21

EatAllDay · 26/02/2025 20:30

A middle ground; have it recorded with a password attached so only a select few can watch it. People that you both agree on

That's exactly what the livestreaming services offered are.

Lovehascomeandgone · 27/02/2025 13:57

Can you not stream it so people can join in live but then there is no recording?

Melsss1956 · 01/02/2026 01:36

I strongly disagree with filming a funeral, my sister decided to film anyway so non attending people not close relatives could view, hence I didn't travel from Australia to uk,I feel totally betrayed by this action.