To not want the funeral filmed

[Uniquely187]

Asking on behalf of DH.

Mil has sadly died. A family member wants to film the funeral for those who can't attend to watch. DH doesn't want this. Feels its a private event and not for viewing entertainment.

Sil wants it filmed as she feels it's important for those who can't attend to feel part of the day.

Do DHs feelings trump sil?

I have "virtually" attended at least 3 celebrations of life / funerals. It really made a difference to be able to be present, in real time - the service, the readings, the eulogy etc. The last one was on Thursday last, the service provider was Obitus I believe. It's streaming not filming. a great comfort for those who are too far away to travel / can't make it for whatever reason. It's not filmed per se. I mean why would you want to watch it again ? The link is valid for 28 days. And I really appreciated it.

do the dh's feelings 'trump' the sil's?

surely that depends on whether or not she is the daughter of the deceased mil (in which case their feelings are equally valid) or merely the dil (in which case his feelings are arguably more important as it's his mother).

and we still don't know if 'filming' refers to the funeral directors providing a fairly standard live-stream link as part of the service (usually a fixed camera, pointing at the coffin and whoever's at the front, speaking), or some random relative wandering around with a camera, which could be quite intrusive.

How is watching a recording or live stream of funeral ‘paying respects’ to the dead any more than just spending some quiet time thinking about them and mourning them? The point of attending a funeral in person is to share in the communal event to mark their passing and to support their closest relatives. Watching it from afar does neither of things, in my opinion.

I imagine OP has dealt with this now seeing as the funeral was a year ago!

i disagree with all the people saying that funerals must be public, legally or otherwise. You are allowed to have a private (sometimes close-family-only) service. Or opt for -even cheaper- "direct cremation". There is no legal obligation to invite everyone/ let the public in!

I work for a funeral directors and it is not allowed to film the funeral. This is because the crematorium and/or church will offer a web cast system. Naturally they charge hence the ban on private filming in most situations.

Webcasts only last usually for a month after the service.

Personally I feel it would be in very poor taste to film it unless done very discreetly. I remember helping at a wedding many years ago where the professional video maker arrived late, marched to the front of the church and noisily set up just as the minister was starting. She gave him short shift.

I think live streaming is fine, filming.... not so.

We missed so many funerals when we were abroard, its not just the lack of streaming back then - its also the time-difference for many people. Often UK funerals would be at 8pm our time or 10pm. However I really think live streaming is a good thing nowadays esp when so many of 'their' friends are at an age they themselves can't travel.

My mother in law's many relatives in Australia, who loved her dearly, would disagree. And we were comforted knowing that they would be able to watch and hear the eulogies, which included their own contributions of words of love and appreciation.

(And yes, I know this is an old thread, but all the same...)

During covid, funerals were limited to 20 people in attendance at one point so even close family couldn't all attend so live streaming came into its own. The cameras are at the back of the church/crematorium and the only faces that were seen were those speaking or doing a reading during the service so anyone watching wouldn't see any more than someone sitting in the front row, other than perhaps the back of heads.
When FIL's brother died in 2021 the service was livestreamed from the church and family overseas were able to watch. When FIL died in 2022, again the church service was livestreamed and BIL's wife was able to watch from overseas (her passport had expired), as were other family members overseas or unable to travel in the UK. It was important for them to be part of the service as stories were shared of the deceased.

Can you do a livestream without actually recording it? That way people can log in and pay their respects if they can’t travel, but your grief isn’t recorded for all to watch on another occasion.

ZOMBIE THREAD*

Probably a bit late now considering the funeral was a year ago

Agree with this