Party, child with visible difference

[donttake]

Was 8 year olds birthday party on Saturday,
Some school friends, some out of school friends and some family were invited. First time doing a mixed party like that and the different groups kind of kept together so Dd was a bit pulled around but otherwise everything went great .

One of DD’s cousins who was at the party has a significant facial difference, purely physical and had no effect of their behaviour or abilities. I’ve had a message from a school friends mother saying thank-you for the party, dc had a great time etc but that she would have appreciated a heads up about dd’s cousin. That her dc were scared and upset and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so could I give advice.

I’m not being being unreasonable to think that’s outrageous, am I?

I have no idea what to reply

A part of me would want to go in all guns blazing at her but then another part of me would not want to give her the time of day and block her then if she asked at the school gates why you hadn't replied then I would announce to the whole playground what a vile bitch she was and that you don’t want someone like her in your life - obviously not in front of the kids but when other parents are there so they are aware.

If her eight year old child has been so unexposed to society that she’s never met people with facial differences, disabilities etc, to such an extent she’s actually scared and upset about a child with a difference, then that’s entirely on her and her parenting. I’d fully expect a child to ask questions about something they haven’t seen before but surely most people can give an appropriate answer without actually messaging the party host.

But I probably wouldn’t start arguing with a parent at my child’s school, I’d just not reply. I suppose the one good thing is they messaged you, an adult, and didn’t start grilling the child at the party - I’ve seen kids be asked totally inappropriate questions before by adults who should know better.

Does she expect your nephew's mum to get an announcement make in Tesco to earn shoppers before she enters with him, in case his appearance scares someone? Because that's the level of ridiculousness that this stupid woman seems to expect.

I'd have to wait a few days to calm down enough to answer. By which time I'd probably 'forget' to.

"Dear cuntface,
I'm sorry that you're such a failure as both a human being and parent, that you now need me to tell you how to appropriately explain this to your children. " I'd open with that

Type some passive aggressive jibberish and then Maybe close with "to ensure this doesn't happen again, I will make sure to remove your children's names from any future parties I will be hosting."

As a mother of a disabled child who’s family don’t always have the same attitude just wanted to say you are brilliant and your attitude will mean so much to your niece and her family

I'd tell her it's too late for advice she's already failed as a mother

I’d also leave this a while as it so incendiary that it’s hard to think straight.
maybe a response saying something along the lines of ‘it’s worrying you think that texting me this is in any way acceptable. Our job as parents is to equip our children to understand differences between people and have conversations with them when they need help and/or have questions. The fact that you don’t know how to have those conversations is a failure on your part. You need to take time to educate yourself so that you don’t continue to let your children down. Please seek help for this. I would recommend these two resources as a start…
Like I said, it is very worrying you felt it was ok to text me this. I really hope you can learn from this and never make this mistake again and offend anyone else. And obviously to help equip your children to navigate and enjoy the world.’

or something.

‘I am so sorry your child has anxiety around difference, please speak to the school I am sure they can help. Click on this link for support
https://myface.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Parenting-Guide.pdf

We loved the fact x could come to the party and is much loved by all of the children, I am glad you are addressing your child’s issues, as they can be very harmful. Best wishes op’

This is great!

This comes from the parents. Children are usually accepting of those with differences, in my experience.
What an awful woman. Even if this did happen, keep it to yourself!

This is a her issue, nothing to do with the child. She is a bully and I would give them a very wide berth. Her child stands no chance and is likely to turn out to be a bully in time.

Wow. I didn't expect this kind of thing would happen in this day and age. I wouldn't know how to respond to that, it's shocking.

Just picking my jaw up off the floor at this one. This might be one of the most outrageous messages I’ve seen on here.

Umm, I think I’d drag her further into the gutter tbh. I’d reply, ‘oh gosh, why was she scared of dear cousin? She seemed fine at the party’

Kinda gives off caring vibes whilst dragging her down lower.

I think this is a really good reply.

WOW!! The cuntiness of some people never fails to surprise me. Give her both barrels and then go and get another gun OP! What an absolute cockwomble she is!

I've read a lot of batshit school mum posts on this site, this is by far the worst one. How dare this cunt of a woman suggest that your lovely niece needs a warning because of her appearance? What a horrible person she is. If her DC are genuinely scared of disability then that's her own fault. I can't for a second imagine what would make a grown woman send a text like that about a little girl at her cousin's party.

Imagine requesting this with any other physical difference. She's a fucking horrible person and I'm sorry that your lovely niece has to walk the same earth as people like her.

That’s actually a disgraceful message!! I’d respond along these lines

‘You want me to help you deal with it? I’m not sure I can help as I’ve always taught my children to be kind and show compassion. Whilst you work on that I’ll spare you hassle of any further invites’!

That's horrible i would write an easy to educate her while angry but don't send it right away. Allow time to calm down and reword before sending as she does need educating. The mother that is rather than her child.

Very tempting to message back saying you would have appreciated a heads up about an ignorant twat attending your daughters birthday party...

But genuinely I would send the links suggested so the woman gets a chance to rectify her ignorant and offensive attitude.

No this one.

woman is an utter horror and a cunt.

OP remind her that the Equality Act 2010 demands that disability is not discriminated against - which she is clearly doing by contacting you like this. The cousin has as much right to be at the party as anyone else and there is no need for a ‘heads up’ about their appearance. All she has to do is explain that some people look different than others because of a health condition or accident or whatever. Once it’s explained to them kids just get on with it, and in my experience are much more accepting of difference than adults. I think this is more her problem. Shut it down and refer her to the law.

Awful, tell her how poor her parenting is and then don't speak again!

Do not sympathise with her. She is playing a really nasty game, better to make it sound like an education ‘gap’ and be bloody condescending and embarrass her for her ignorance.

This, but added 'would have appreciated a heads up you're a despicable cunt, then I'd have known to avoid you'.

That's a great message, Thankyou @Testingthetimes
I am not going to be able to send such a calm message tonight and would like her to have to sit and think about why I haven't replied for a while anyway